Paradoxes

So much so for confining God in a box of facts… I feel like I am in the spin cycle of the eternal washing machine and at the same time being in a place where I can rest in peace. I can say that I feel like I am in the bottomless pit and the deeper I go the more I enjoy the ambience.

It is very fascinating that I tell God to leave me alone and then I long for this very God to embrace me and to embrace God. I suspect that this is what Christ meant when he said that when one wants to save their life they’ll lose it and when they lose their life they will find it! Also, somewhere the bible states that unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies it shall not bear fruit. Oh evay…

Then comes the Haphakh!

The events that I dreaded were the very ones that were the stepping-stones that brought me to the turning points where the light and darkness are one. It is almost as though that the tunnel to hell is the very way that emerges as heaven once I get out to the other end of it. So after all, the pit is not hell and if it is then there is no difference between heaven and hell. The lower I sink into the subconscious the higher I climb on “Jacob’s ladder”.

Where does life begin and when does it end? Death cannot survive without life and life would be mundane if there were no death! The very cycles of life is a paradox; in fact one of the most puzzling paradox I had to come to terms with. Life seems unbearable yet death is not an entertaining subject either.

I feel like I finally grasp God and then like quicksilver God slips away. The more I struggle to contain it, the more I chase the wind trying to find its source. I surrender the urge to know this God and then I dig my heels in and pursue it and get lost in the whirlwind. Just when I began to feel defeated by my purpose to comprehend God, a surge of life gave me a glimpse of all possibility and that was good enough… for a while!

So the chase resumes and God and I enjoy playing hide and seek until I realize that God is not about to give up his amusement of making me not ever being able to fully grab it. I do not find wanting to be with God exciting and I walk away and this time let it be the one to pursue me and so the fun and struggle resume and becomes somewhat amuzing . Even writing this is taking me in circles… oh well, I am still dizzy from being in God’s spin cycle! Chasing God around is really a frightening yet astounding game of imagination that reveals the true essence that I AM unveils