For longer than I would care to want to imagine, I have been angry at God for giving a life that did not seem to worth as much as one of his sparrows and this used to feel me with great contempt for this God. The more I thought of bargaining with Him the more hostile I became and the more I resented this very God that I am chasing today as I continue to rekindle our spark.
In retrospect I am convinced that I had to come to the point where I could no longer pretend that I honestly care and love this God… this cruel pigment of my imagination and so I did what many thought would and taught as something that would definitely make God finish me off…talking back to him, questioning him and heck dragging him into the boxing ring one on one. Phew! At first I was very petrified at the idea of coming out of the closet with God and telling him point blank I don’t like the way you do things and I don’t like you… do something or the relationship is null and void… you can right me off if you want because you, heaven and your kingdom of many mansions do not exist.
I still cannot fathom a God who would wait till I die only to find I left back on earth. This is enough to make me snatch my life and just do with it what I want and wait my turn to be barbecued and frizzled in hell. Oh evay…. All I can say is when this is all I began to see flashing on my mental screen, I had to try Jacob’s strategy. God bless my eyesight the day I really began perusing this illuminating book that often time leaves me baffled and euphoric at the same time… kind of schizophrenic if you ask me and yet that is just what rescued my soul, more like an upsurge of the soul.
And so it is
In retrospect I am convinced that I had to come to the point where I could no longer pretend that I honestly care and love this God… this cruel pigment of my imagination and so I did what many thought would and taught as something that would definitely make God finish me off…talking back to him, questioning him and heck dragging him into the boxing ring one on one. Phew! At first I was very petrified at the idea of coming out of the closet with God and telling him point blank I don’t like the way you do things and I don’t like you… do something or the relationship is null and void… you can right me off if you want because you, heaven and your kingdom of many mansions do not exist.
I still cannot fathom a God who would wait till I die only to find I left back on earth. This is enough to make me snatch my life and just do with it what I want and wait my turn to be barbecued and frizzled in hell. Oh evay…. All I can say is when this is all I began to see flashing on my mental screen, I had to try Jacob’s strategy. God bless my eyesight the day I really began perusing this illuminating book that often time leaves me baffled and euphoric at the same time… kind of schizophrenic if you ask me and yet that is just what rescued my soul, more like an upsurge of the soul.
And so it is
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