I don’t know exactly which foot to put forward. All I know is I am heading into the direction that is tapping on my soul so as to alleviate its restlessness. The comfort zone just doesn’t cut it anymore yet this very thing that no longer eject me out of bed and rev me up roaring to go makes me want to hold open doors that appear closed or closing. I suppose that is what familiarity does… for me it is the discomfort of letting go, saying goodbye, if you will, not knowing if this is exactly the right time to act or not act.
Maybe I know what I need to do and I am timid and a bit perplexed about the outcome so I freeze, then I hit the panic button, I scream then I freeze again, sometimes too long or maybe not enough. How do I know? How do I know if this means that I am leaving behind something that may in fact be just what I need, like my deep longing and heartfelt desires? Either way, there is a bit of uncertainty, anxiety or even some disgust. I believe that is where I must trust that I will inevitable arrive where I must be and that God will bring me forth as Gold and all my dreams fulfilled. Until then, my mind remains restless however I will hold on for the glorious day even if that means having a few more arguments with God.
I can definitely admit that this is also a symptom of too much erosion of my childlikeness, adventurous self and evidence that there is still some residual damage. Though I dare take risks- I sometimes do so qualmly and often times those two do not go very well together. Maybe all this time that is what you were telling me. He is saying trust me… just trust me! Hey buddy, remember that I am still in training and sometimes I just lost it with you when your signals seem to be very static and tapping on too many memories of distrust. Maybe that is what happens when I spent too much of my energy hanging out in the comfort zone of my mental house. I suppose that is what happens when God opens a door of reassurance.
I do not even know yet where this door is and what is awaiting me there; however, the comfort of knowing God tested me to challenge God or was that a great temptation to do something that is defiant of a child of God, is something that seem well with Essence.
I am still alive, well and whole and still connected with God, very connected with God. I suppose that is a classic case of ‘WYSIWYG’ with God or is it between God and I. Maybe that’s what Jacob attested to when he said that he fought with God and won… go figure!
Looking ahead while strolling in the now is all I can do so I continue to press on until I arrive a the level of knowing what is necessary, if any thing is necessary at all to keep me in tune with Gods’ guidance. I trust that my inklings will take me where he leads me and my built-in alarm system can one day resume full proof service.
Maybe I know what I need to do and I am timid and a bit perplexed about the outcome so I freeze, then I hit the panic button, I scream then I freeze again, sometimes too long or maybe not enough. How do I know? How do I know if this means that I am leaving behind something that may in fact be just what I need, like my deep longing and heartfelt desires? Either way, there is a bit of uncertainty, anxiety or even some disgust. I believe that is where I must trust that I will inevitable arrive where I must be and that God will bring me forth as Gold and all my dreams fulfilled. Until then, my mind remains restless however I will hold on for the glorious day even if that means having a few more arguments with God.
I can definitely admit that this is also a symptom of too much erosion of my childlikeness, adventurous self and evidence that there is still some residual damage. Though I dare take risks- I sometimes do so qualmly and often times those two do not go very well together. Maybe all this time that is what you were telling me. He is saying trust me… just trust me! Hey buddy, remember that I am still in training and sometimes I just lost it with you when your signals seem to be very static and tapping on too many memories of distrust. Maybe that is what happens when I spent too much of my energy hanging out in the comfort zone of my mental house. I suppose that is what happens when God opens a door of reassurance.
I do not even know yet where this door is and what is awaiting me there; however, the comfort of knowing God tested me to challenge God or was that a great temptation to do something that is defiant of a child of God, is something that seem well with Essence.
I am still alive, well and whole and still connected with God, very connected with God. I suppose that is a classic case of ‘WYSIWYG’ with God or is it between God and I. Maybe that’s what Jacob attested to when he said that he fought with God and won… go figure!
Looking ahead while strolling in the now is all I can do so I continue to press on until I arrive a the level of knowing what is necessary, if any thing is necessary at all to keep me in tune with Gods’ guidance. I trust that my inklings will take me where he leads me and my built-in alarm system can one day resume full proof service.
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