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April 06, 2007

Curiosity and self-expression

Ever wondered why we stopped asking questions and have to feel the bruises of doing so!

It is the way God intended us to know ourselves and learn about the world in which we live.

Ever wondered why adult lock children’s lips yet somehow the children can still challenge their motive.

It is because they do can still pierce their souls and reflect back the truth

Ever wonder why some people are not comfortable around children; find them rude, rambunctious and inquisitive.

That is because they remind of us who we were created to be; of the life that was robbed of us when we their age; of the choice we made to blind obedience.

As for me, I used to envy them for what I gave up… my voice. I used to admire with a tinge of envy though, any little rebel I came in touch with, any little voice that confronted me and dared to tell me what I am thinking even when my mind was closed.

Granted I cannot go back in time and be that 2, 3, 4 or even 30 year old; however I can rekindle my passion and zest for life, for adventure and for freedom. I can be the warrior and wonder child I was meant to be. The moment that I realized that living my childhood was not an impossible dream, I began to do just that at 30 or may be even sooner-subconsciously! The day I decided to start living my very own life began years ago however as an adult I quickly learnt that I had to still go through all the developmental stages of a child. I almost fainted because that meant going back to when I was maybe 2 or 3, so I changed my mind about the quest. But my life was becoming my worst enemy and at the same time my own best friend. That did not make any sense especially since all I ever dreamt of was exactly what I was wishing would happen by just letting time magically transform me. I woke up one day to the rude awakening that if I want something significant it is something that I will not live happily without. Many times I struck a deal with God for an easier way out but deep down I knew that I could not go on like this forever. So after a few time outs the strength from within me awakened and I broke through. All what I was afraid would happen if I did, happened; but that was nothing compared to what I gained in the process of facing my fears. oh the rewards of self acceptance, self love and self worth came flooding and of course my childlikeness began to reveal my soul, my free spirit, curiosity, self expression and boldness. I got my ‘voice’ back… and more importantly I reclaim my self. More and more, I am enjoying the adventure of a fascinating journey; a journey that I had to take myself on, a journey that I could not imagine not worth risking, for a prize that could not bear the thought of losing. I am glad that I chose not to quit when it seemed like it was a losing battle.

Thanks to curiosity and self expression!

The search for truth and freedom during my journey of self-discovery was arduous, sometimes draining, other times reassuring. The ironic thing is that what I always wanted is the very thing that I constantly resisted… myself.

Now I live my life with blessed assurance; even when I cannot see the road ahead I know that I am stepping out on holy ground

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