Journaling

Now that I no longer have reason to fear the voices I can see and enjoy the benefit of journaling.

I used to always not want to write anything on paper even though I was encouraged to believe it was for my eyes only.

Talk about distrust to the nth degree.

blind trust, the all too familiar relative caused a lot of havoc and the mind made a pact to help me never forget those blind test drama. Of course the mind was such a crook it brought on my real enemies- fear, anxiety, nervousness, worry- that was a biggie- and it pretended to be my friend so it would engage my brain in active remembering of … each time I decided to empty it so I could let creativity use my mind to do better things than worry, chase away my life and keep God in a closet

I recalled the visits to the naturopathic doctor. Many of my debriefing appointments ended with the prescription. Take care of yourself. Until one day she looked me in the eyes and asked. Do you journal? I almost stomp out of the office; instead I told her that I did not like journaling. I tried it many years ago and it did not work. It just forces me to go where I do not want so please do not ask me to go back there. She said” I am not asking you to go back there I am asking you to thank it and see the lessons it taught. I said, "Oh I am doing that". I am asking the one who caused it all. I write to The Creator, mostly questions though but i wirte. She said okay keep doing it. You are not telling the universe anything that spirit does not know. So go ahead and keep well. write anything that pops up whether it made sense. i smiled and said i am already doing that too. she smiled and she told me, welcome to journaling!

then when I had enough courage to let the monster out, trusting began to tremble at the mere thought of me considering it and its relatives kept reminding me of how good I had it. it did not matter becasue I was spewing out my emotional knapsack before it crushed me and that is all that mattered.

Indeed the locust of time can never eat away at what God puts in one’s heart as a life desire

And

emptiness precede filling up

emptiness can also preempt more emptiness

it is a choice to discern the heart’s desire

just like worry will wither it is inevitable that the sting of past pain, disappointments and failures will no longer hurt when the thorn of the flesh, lances

that’s my heart’s desire

and the same story that panic used to frighten me is the same story that fuels my tank of joy and holy high hallelujahs choruses