I always longed to have my own tribe and always I kept putting it off because I was afraid I would be afraid of speaking the truth in love to them and was petrified of feeding them the same diet and menu that I had to ingest
Of course I disguised this truth with many superficial reasons like:
Not wanting to not have enough for my kids
Not wanting my kids to not have everything it needs and even wants
Not adding to the burden of Mother Earth
Not being good enough
Not being ready
Not fiscally fit
Not wanting to do it alone
Not sure if the child would like having a sperm bank donor for a daddy
What would I do what would I day what I should not say or do
The number one fear was having my children taken away from me
Or having them to also be given up for adoption and not knowing why
or helplessly watching them get in to trouble that I help create with the choices that I made or help make that is trickling the time capsule
That was tough place to be and tough place to not be for both parent and child(ren) and life
That was a lot of hell
My famous line often was a big hit joke among my friends was that should I have a daughter and after disciplining her, she was taken away from me, she had better not be a teenager on her period because even the pad she woul dbe wearing would have to stay with me when she was escorted to a better chamber in hell; because naked she would have had to enter the womb of hell kingdom
I know my sense of humour is sometimes too raw for the social mind but who cares; I know it was a lung and heart mender because we often laughed till tears fell from heaven eyes
Sacrifice comes in many forms
Some sacrifice truth
Some scarified the longing to know better
Some sacrifice their meal ticket in heaven to satisfy hell hunger
Some imitate Jesus without the full manual and with overloaded courses and case loads
Some traded earth school
Some trade their intelligence and doubled up on hard labour to make up
Some did many, many things and will do many more things as long as they are earthling in heaven making there way out of hell
Some sacrifice the baby for the bath water
some sacrifice the bath water for the baby
And the good thing that always comes out of each is lessons for self, for fellow human that have come, gone, long gone and return and those that are now here even in nowhere
That explains why the only thing that got me out of hell of childless and tribeless is I will have many children in another lifetime and this is my consolation
I knew God would make a way out for me out of that dark, dark hole
I may not be happy to be be patient not yet having my own flock and may have to wait another thousand years to be fit to turn sperm and egg into flesh and blood and spirit but I am at peace now and that peace is too much to sacrifice even if I were a Lamb or were hungry for a bowl of soup
Of course I disguised this truth with many superficial reasons like:
Not wanting to not have enough for my kids
Not wanting my kids to not have everything it needs and even wants
Not adding to the burden of Mother Earth
Not being good enough
Not being ready
Not fiscally fit
Not wanting to do it alone
Not sure if the child would like having a sperm bank donor for a daddy
What would I do what would I day what I should not say or do
The number one fear was having my children taken away from me
Or having them to also be given up for adoption and not knowing why
or helplessly watching them get in to trouble that I help create with the choices that I made or help make that is trickling the time capsule
That was tough place to be and tough place to not be for both parent and child(ren) and life
That was a lot of hell
My famous line often was a big hit joke among my friends was that should I have a daughter and after disciplining her, she was taken away from me, she had better not be a teenager on her period because even the pad she woul dbe wearing would have to stay with me when she was escorted to a better chamber in hell; because naked she would have had to enter the womb of hell kingdom
I know my sense of humour is sometimes too raw for the social mind but who cares; I know it was a lung and heart mender because we often laughed till tears fell from heaven eyes
Sacrifice comes in many forms
Some sacrifice truth
Some scarified the longing to know better
Some sacrifice their meal ticket in heaven to satisfy hell hunger
Some imitate Jesus without the full manual and with overloaded courses and case loads
Some traded earth school
Some trade their intelligence and doubled up on hard labour to make up
Some did many, many things and will do many more things as long as they are earthling in heaven making there way out of hell
Some sacrifice the baby for the bath water
some sacrifice the bath water for the baby
And the good thing that always comes out of each is lessons for self, for fellow human that have come, gone, long gone and return and those that are now here even in nowhere
That explains why the only thing that got me out of hell of childless and tribeless is I will have many children in another lifetime and this is my consolation
I knew God would make a way out for me out of that dark, dark hole
I may not be happy to be be patient not yet having my own flock and may have to wait another thousand years to be fit to turn sperm and egg into flesh and blood and spirit but I am at peace now and that peace is too much to sacrifice even if I were a Lamb or were hungry for a bowl of soup
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