So many times I attempted this simulated total surrendering exercise, to no avail; or so I thought. If I could not even make it to believe mode, how could I muster enough courage to let my guard down and allow my senseless notions and effortful efforts to prepare me for the real deal. I mean, how could when tryouts after tryouts were so bleak as I grew wearier and wearier and fully determined and even more determined to hold on and try out, thinking maybe this is it, this is the one more try. I got to the point where willingness to depend not on my own mental foundation to get me pass trying zone where I felt all alone paid off. Phew! It was long hard haul. Thank God because I was beginning to become emotionally callous.
Why does it feel like God waits until one is dangling off heaven’s rooftop to put the ladder in sight? I know not why, for sure; I guess though that maybe that is how perseverance and patience show their might; and, hold me so I can hang on for the next big blessing or just for the next blessing and at this point even the smallest blessings is a mighty big blessing.
Perseverance must have been on the lookout with its buddy, patience. All I can say now is that I am glad I do not intend to disqualify myself because someday, yes someday and maybe for all I know now, it is everyday, perseverance and patience see me through.
Thank you, you two
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