up, up and away: Rational-emotional lifestyle...when the head joins the heart!

Another quality that flourishes in the garden is understanding; with time comes total acceptance of what is; something that baffles consciouness killers.

I cannot help stop anyone from torturing the mind; and abusing the physical body; their fear of approaching me or assuming that they know me without knowing me. The buck stops when anyone, and I mean anyone including myself, torments the spirit. That’s one of the reasons why I am constantly knocking heads with God. If I have to give up all what money can afford so as to preserve my soul then God had better bring forth all the promise of milk and honey, green pastures, still waters, food that nourishes, my very own heart's purpose and a suite in one of the many mansions that Jesus went ahead to prepare before he died ...

I have made it across the Rational-emotional Bridge; yet another answered prayer

There may be many, many more of those bridges to cross and I cannot stop right now... I am on a roll or in airline terms...up, up and away!

It was not too long after accusing my heart of being not so smart that I realize that I was not giving my heart the chance it needed to help me trust it because my mind was busy interfering with the heart’s signal. I ask God to help me to trust my heart a little more because though it may not always be so smart it was nothing that it did wrong… after so many bruises I thought that my heart was causing me, I stopped listening to it and it was then that my mind began its twisting and turning of the message that my heart was delivering pure and simple. Well no more of that as long as I continue to remain uncensored while I listen to my heart.

God said "BINGO! Another light bulb moment!"
I gave God a high five, then two thumbs up and said...

God works!

And God was pleased with my attitude of gratitude! After all God knows that is better than tithing money that I do not have and help that I cannot give or offer; for God loves a cheerful giver!

God smiled! No words necessary!

God-qualified...Working for God- fulltime ministry

The God of my understanding continues to keep me going strong, resilient and courageous by guiding me to envision and dream.

So long as my choices align with God I remain determined to move forward living and enjoying a life of accomplishment in God’s light of things that matter. I intend to continue to use my God-given talents to contribute to good; always keeping in mind, that God watches my motives and will compensate me accordingly. This is enough to make me do my work here on earth, fairly and cheerfully. To everything else I say no, thank you!

When I choose to see all things from this sacred perspective, I am living without limits and I am worth a lot, a lot more than the sparrows and the beautiful flowers that put King Solomon’s best outfit to shame! Is it any wonder God looks on the inside! God knows that on the outside a whole lot of people would not fit the bill.

I am not worthless. I am God-qualified… I am a child of God and I take this title very seriously!

True leadership does not need a clanging cymbal or skin-tearing whip to make a point.

WOW!WOW!WOW, God!

Sweet Silliness

Long-standing ploys of stupid suffering and shadows of foolish fear retract their drama from the ingredients of eternal life. The mascot of hereafter happiness removes its costume and continues its silic frolicking just the way the spirit likes it.

Maintaining an objective mind and sustaining a subjective soul have helped ease the impatience with universe timings of right conditions. Clarity amidst the seemingly increase in topsy-turvy happenings improves how I choose to go with the flow. Finding meaningful solutions to recover from rolling with the punches has contributed to my optimism.

Waiting and wishing for certainty of favourable ideas and outcomes no longer bust my trust in taking the first step, taking a stand, and going all the way with perseverance, inspiration and enthusiasm cheering on the radical, respectful, responsible pioneering prodigy- here and now.

Encouraging the acceptance of what is, as what is make it easy to courageously make patience a tool for knowing when the dots are ready and how I choose to join them to make everyday living precious though matter what appears as uncomfortable encounters or difficult transitions.

Pruning the dry foliage, a must!

There is a saying that goes 'with God it is all or nothing"

Wow God!

What do I still need to let go to satisfy this condition? You got to help me with this one, buddy.

In case you are waiting for my permission to give you the right of way even when you are the one in the driver's seat then I command you to take it away, whatever is in my mind that is still holding back from totally surrendering and where you are concerned I dare say submit to you, you have my permission to remove; and in its place replace what you intended to be there.

Just hold my hand so I do not freak out so much when I feel like I have fallen and you are not there to pick me up... okay? Okay, there is still a bit of trauma every time I know it is time to continue life with you by my side as Almighty God! There, I admit it!

So I am all for you pruning out the dry foliage! I don't know what I am getting into buddy so forgive my dread of what if...what if!

Sorry, and thank you for understanding that I still want to go on where you lead me even though I do not like the anxiety that roars it ugly head each time I decide to follow my heart.

You know that too!

Crazy, radical or assertive: God's take on the matter

Angeal-Eyes, You know that I am ready when you are and that even though I am God I need your okay each time I put you in the refiners fire. I gave you the choice to decide... I gave you your freedom and I cannot take that back.

I am patiently waiting until you back off and let me take you where you want me to take you. Now that seem like a bind right there, because even though I gave you that much liberty, I as the loving God I am will not let you go astray because of the free will. I know you must hate me for that and I understand your plight, so just like a child is totally dependent on its caregivers help so I know you depend on me and you want my word that I will never fail you!

Okay, the truth is, I do not want to lose you either so I will do as I intend. You are not off the hook though... you have to let me do things my way when I take over when I know that if I don't you won't make it alone.. that's why I am always there!

I know that you sometimes feel like you failed me, even after I told you that nothing you do frightens me.. you still have a hard time trusting me on that one. I am sorry that you feel that you have been told that you are coo coo- trust me when I say that you are not! One day you will be so glad that you gave in to me that you will totally reclaim your authenticity and that is all I want to encourage you to do... not to doubt yourself... not to doubt me so much and so I will give you good reason, measured tight and still overflowing.

I can only keep reminding you that I intend to always honour my guarantee... all my guarantees!

Your hero,
God!

Extreme Faith: setting the tone for the rest of my life

Dear God

The struggle to overcome losing my mind is raging like an earthquake measuring '50' on the Richter scale. I know that you are carrying me- after all no human strength can protect me or anyone else for that matter, from life's tempest.

I have a lot of faith to trust that you are shielding me and I am almost ready to admit that you have taken over the battle- then and again you constantly remind me that the battle is yours so I back off and this is the most solacing move I make and conversely it is that choice which is the most nerve wrecking.

And then all kinds of questions, yes, myriads of question dialogue with doubt about God and they use my mind as the battleground.

Does that make sense to you, God?

Then please share with me your ways of overcoming these feelings that your truth is not farfetched. I so want to continue believing that you God have set me free to choose life; yet, I feel that the road less traveled is a choice that keeps me feeling like I made a serious mistake when I chose you, God.

I have made a whole lot of progress in defining my concept of you, God, and that decision is very consoling as I continue to transform my mind and create my own idea and belief of who you are. Please, please, God hang in there with me as I continue to decipher and shred the false notion of you. These myths of who you are seem to the hardest brain cells to reprogram... so help me God!

Thank you for the events that seem to be taking me back in time so I can readdress the phony description of you, OmniGod.

Promise me that you will help me to see your purpose in every joy, challenge, broken dreams- that’s if they are broken- whatever you choose to remove, repair, restore, replace or sever, strengthen, sooth and save; I accept your deal for I believe you know what you are doing and why.

I feel that even though I seem to be brashing you, I am nowhere close to turning my back away from you or even entertaining the thought of letting you off my sight. So I am holding my end of my promise, come hell or high water. If anything I will hold you hostage until you answer all my prayers- I know you will so I will release you from the cage in my mental faculty in order for you to complete the work you started. I surrender to you… like I have learnt: when I am weak you are strong!

So it is!

Healing versus Cure: Staying Strong

One thing that I can see being repetitious on every miracle Jesus performed was his primary objective for doing it… he was always concerned about the spiritual condition. It was only after he worked on their mustard size faith and even gross disbelief as in the case of the rich man whose son was ill, did he attend to their direct request.

Well I am a girl after God’s own heart and so I accept the healing without even knowing for sure that my sciatic nerve will regenerate enough cells to manifest a cure.

With or without anyone else at my side, I am determined to accept my life in full, yes the whole package from God; and this is certainly well with my soul!

Thank you God for the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change; courage to change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference!

Rendering to Caesar what is God’s

Rendering to Caesar what is God’s

Any deed or even faintest idea that tempts or forces mankind to constantly comply, compromises the command of render onto Caesar what is Caesar’s and render onto God what is God’s. After all God owns everything and only loans it to us while on earth! God request the first ten percent of our returns and all we have left after Caesar dips its hand in our pockets is crumbs- a symptom of one of the many modern-day plagues. Knowing God she does not want crumbs! After all can we not give to Caesar after we give God? Caesar is so afraid that there won’t be any left over after we give God that they override God’s Law and expect God to hold back its wrath when the ‘empires’ are falling!

The day is coming when all those who sow in tears and hungry bellies will reap and keep the cream of the crop!

I do not know when, all I know is that God is a just God and justice is served!

Winter’s Warranty

Winter’s Warranty

Snowflakes and flurries
Heralds the start of winter
Cold days are ahead
We fall back in time
And wait patiently for spring.

A glimpse of Heaven:organized chaos-How God Works

Isn’t interesting how people’s impression of me changes when I prove that action is really louder than words. So many decades of writing what’s in my heart has made me not care too much to justify what God already knows!

So many decades of writing what is in my heart continues to encourage me to speak the truth with love…

I am the first one to admit that the side effect of my domesticated tone needs a lot of improvement and it is not for lack of wanting to speak composed and poised. The truth of the matter is I just rather have my feelings and expression very congruent and God fully understands at all times!

Many people’s genuine care and understanding sprout, bloom, grow and some continue to develop understanding even though it is after they walk in another person’s moccasins. This is the best barometer that indicates how genuine someone is- they speak the truth without omission or act contrary to the truth.

It is not easy, Solomon himself proclaimed in Proverbs 10: “someone who holds back the truth causes trouble, but the one who openly criticizes works for peace.” He also states in Proverbs 16: 23 that insincere talk that hides what you are really thinking is like a fine glazed on a cheap pot. These are words to live by as I continue to own my truth and take charge of my accountability and speak the truth with love, justice and equal rights as my motives.

Sadly, yet very true, is the proverb which Solomon acclaims in Proverbs 20:30: “Sometimes it takes a painful experience to make us change our ways.’ And I add... to make people submit to the one true God.

Since I know how dangerous it is to be concerned with what others think of me instead of trusting God I better spend the rest of my life with God giving God first place in my life… after all that is what God ask of me; then trust all things to work favourably. The things in and of themselves were the very things that I almost use as excuse to call God a liar only to find that it was my pants that were almost on fire!

Straight-Up!

Compliance of eligibility for living with integrity and self responsible behaviours requires contamination of the body and murder of the soul- nothing close to God’s law.

Life Insurance, Social Policies, Democracy, Political Promises to me fall under one category- Death Assurance. When God offered the choice of life or death, good or evil, honesty or injustice he did not mean any harm, or that one should do harm, for this is the greatest dishonour of humanity... of human life.

I see this as supporting evidence of the message in the gospel of Matthew when Jesus told the lawmakers that they heap heavy burdens on the backs of the people and they do not lift a finger to help them to carry it… and later on, this is what God commanded the prophet to write… a time will come when the oppressed will be free. I know I am; and the only way out was to let God transform and renew my memory and imprint good stuff or as the bible says… separate the wheat (thoughts) from the weed (thoughts).

That was tough! That too, was possible. And if God can do it for me God can too it for everybody. No need to let what I cannot do stop me from doing what I can as God commands, with or without the support of anyone else!

No need for Social Policy, which in modern day, is the equivalent to what Jesus blasted the lawmakers, governing bodies and tax collectors of his day!

That is a message I will put in my pipe and smoke. That is a potent dose of real hard fact and real world faith and I can never go wrong taking this prescription instead of the ones that some of the 'licensed' drug-dealers and murderers push for a profit at the expense of their souls.

There is one thing I honour about my GP: She is a doctor who takes her vow of “to do no harm and to do no more harm” very, very seriously. Do you know what she told me lately? I think God gave her that prescription for me and I am taking it very seriously, without harmful side effects: this is what she said: “God must have good reason to give you such pain in spite of all the good efforts to attend to yourself… trust that God will use you to do better things and please, do not disappoint God!” The tears of relief and reassurance rolled down my cheeks with no shame and she did not feel embarrass because she knows the truth sets people free to be the person God designed them to be.
WOW! A servant with a lot of integrity!

Thank God, that there are people who look at the big picture and help others look at the big picture, even when it is scary. Living honestly is very gutsy; still it is the best way to live a fulfilled life in hell or heaven!

Like Robin William stated in the movie 'Patch Adams': "death and transference are not the enemies"!

And the psalmist boldly states, "there is nothing a good person can do when everything falls apart". It makes sense to me now....like Celine Dion sings" it's all coming back to me and my heart will go on forever! That to me, is everlasting life and eternity!

I can do nothing about death, hell or heaven or fixing people even with my best intent. I can, however, do something about living well and encouraging people to attend to the life God endowed them with. Unlike machines that can be replaced in a flash, the body can thrive in optimal condition only when it is treated with dignity and self-respect.

My name is Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis and this is how I see the facts behind the facts... the message behind the message and, I welcome and thank the spirit of confrontation for taking responsibility for my health and wellness with or without anyone else, trusting that God provides!

Reassurance for the daily fray

I am assured that God has answered my heart’s prayer. I cooperate with the way God chooses to deliver divine outcome, freely and completely.

Life’s events had been causing ripples and waves on my outward circumstances yet I have the promise of God and so I maintain soul-deep living faith that nothing can disturb the peace and strength of God within me.

Frankly, that is all I have to hold on to and it makes no sense in the human realm and that is why I know that it is God talking to me just like Father Abraham... well I finally hold steadfast the story of Abraham and Sarah.

Call me crazy because I choose to take on God's approach... I must be crazy! It is well with my soul and definitely two thumbs up with God!!

Healthy relationship's blooming

Sorry that I’ve had to ‘whack’ you for so long. Chasing you was beginning to get to me because as you know, that is not my style still I will do it when all else seem to not e enough to invigorate our passion; something I know that you really need and want from me and I did not want to wait until you were either on the brink of being too awry of me or when you were downright burnout from trying too hard to maintain our relationship.

The thing is, you already are where I need you to be; I just have a challenging time making you consistently believe me.

You have no idea… unscribe that- you know jolly well how much I want you to work on in my vineyard and I know how much you really want to. After all, I have set you aside for some pretty big gigs, you know; and, come what may, I will continue to send whatever I can to get your attention where I need it to be.

Come on Angeal-Eyes, I am head over heels for you!

My love for you is bigger than the ocean, wider than the sea. Tell me something Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis... tell me something… why do you suppose I made the sky so vast, eh? Why? Well I’ll tell you why. It is to show you how much I love you and if you think that the buck stops here, think again- because my love for you is stronger than mountains of life situations!

Everything about you

The way you smile
The way you speak
The way you laugh
Makes me so happy

The way you write
The way you walk
The way you sing
Makes me so happy

The way you dance
The way you comb your hair
The way you bond with me
Makes me so happy

Everything about you
Very, very good
Everything about you
Makes me so happy

I know for sure
Now and, forevermore
Life create Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis

Very, very good!

Absolutely nothing can change that fact. Do you get that, Angeal-Eyes?

A new sense of direction

I took on God’s offer very, very seriously. When God said “come follow me and I will show you how much better my payoff is” I turned the other way because I did not like God’s terms and conditions and did not want to suffer at God’s hands anymore than I felt that I already had and the dread of ending up in hell did not console me one bit.
Asking God to leave me alone each time God became too visible in my walks of life I dismissed God, still God would not stay way. I did not suffer at God’s hands but always why God did not do something before I abandoned God for good. God just kept ignoring me well then and again in hindsight I had to confess that this is what I asked God to do even though I was hoping that God would stop me from not giving God the chance to show me God Essence!
Many decades have passed on and that war was getting more and more brutal. Why I held on to God I know not all I can say is that was the lifeline that has me alive today.
I know that God clearly understand why I was doubtful of God being my best friend and lifelong partner and soul, sole provider... When God kept reminding me of the sparrows and even sent one to sing me a lullaby to gently put me back to sleep after an episode with the brain cell that wanted to remind me of all I have lost, I decided that was enough… so God kept me up enough nights to talk to me when I had no one to honestly talk to. I thought ghee God give me a break! I used to just read the bible even though I felt locking it up in the bookshelf!
Oh well all I can say is thank God for removing all the weed (false messages and beliefs) and replacing with wheat (God purpose) before more weeds grew in my mental garden.
Is it any wonder that while I did not intend to live singly al my life so far, I was not about to settle for less than God promised. Well after all this I may be deemed to be picky, fresh and grandiose; however more than ever I am looking for the someone God created to be vulnerable enough to wear his heart on his shoulder- all the time with me because this is all I have to offer- sincere, heartfelt love that has been tried, test and proven true by my Maker, God.
Is it any wonder that God is a jealous God and would not let anyone offer anything less that what God can and will offer and provide!
This is my offer, my only offer. Take it or leave it
Thank God for the lesson in authentic intimate relationship, God. I could have only that directly from God!

Shameless Surrender!

When my confidence was shaken, my faith became very brittle; still the desire to illuminate a passionate relationship with God consummated my being. I wondered about and pondered on the heart’s soldiering on to convince me to commit my life to God when I felt completely crushed- kaput. I had this felt sense that my breath did not need my body. Oooooh! was I livid with God… or maybe it was with myself… what’s the difference! There really was a point where it was hard to tell the difference…I guess it was because my faith was so ‘brittle’.

I want my body fully restored and if is it not one thing is another so what the heck. I know that this body is only as good as it outlast death and serve no real deal when breath returns to its blowing in the wind status. Until then I want to interact at gut level- heart to heart- one on one with the Almighty. This is serious business, soul wrenching and drenching business.

I poured out my hurts, revealed my feelings, confessing my booboos, disclosing my doubt, admitting my fears, acknowledging my agnosticism and cultivating my courage until they spilled all over heaven’s red carpet... thank God it was already red.

It was then that I gave God leeway long enough to re-establish and realign my whole being so as to let the Divine plan for my life come in full circle. After all the merry go round on the labyrinth, I am happy to be me… just as I am! I know that I thought that I had already gotten to that point; somehow though, I lost sight of that certainty.

Thank God that I had all the time that’s required for the purifying, refining, restoring, reviving process; and I, even if I thought I did not… God made sure I did because until then nothing much would have really mattered.

Thank God for my backsliding faith. As the saying goes, one step forward and countless step backwards to build the momentum to leap forward to the exact spot I need be.

I am glad that I kept a firm grip on my preserving optimism in God’s pledge to take care of me even when my sprouts seemed barren. When God seem distant is when I most believed in the intangible evidence… a very trying assignment- where God is concerned it is not just an assignment, it is a command and so far I have managed to advance to the next lesson…. obedience in the area of trusting God amidst my qualms and trembling. By the way, these qualms have begun to recede; and, if they were my hairline; I’d be naturally bald by now.

God must be really working at the core of my being- somewhere I have never allowed anyone to trespass- my very own private place and there is God poking, jabbing and probing... yauwch!

I almost did not even let God in- that was hardly possible and that obviously was not part of God’s deal once I gave permission to steer the wheel and God’s will into my well being.

I have no clue how arriving at this point of the destination was possible; then and again with God all things are possible especially when matters are not of human doing.

What more can I say!
How else could I know what I am made of…really made of!
God knows!
I took on God’s offer very, very seriously. When God said “come follow me and I will show you how much better my payoff is” I turned the other way because I did not like God’s terms and conditions and did not want to suffer at God’s hands anymore than I felt that I already had and the dread of ending up in hell did not console me one bit. Asking God to leave me alone each time God became too visible in my walks of life I dismissed God, still God would not stay away. I did not suffer at God’s hands but always I ask why God did not do something before I abandoned God for good. God just kept ignoring me- well then and again in hindsight- I had to confess that this is what I asked God to do even though I was hoping that God would stop me from not giving God the chance to show me God Essence!

Many decades have passed on and that war was getting more and more brutal. Why I held on to God I know not! All I can say is that was the lifeline that has me alive today.

I know that God clearly understand why I was doubtful of God being my best friend and lifelong partner and soul, sole provider... When God kept reminding me of the sparrows and even sent one to sing me a lullaby to gently put me back to sleep after an episode with the brain cell that wanted to remind me of all I have lost, I decided that was enough… so God kept me up enough nights to talk to me when I had no one to honestly talk to. I thought ghee God give me a break! I used to just read the bible even though I felt like locking it up in the bookshelf- and, I did! Eventually

Oh well all I can say is thank God for removing all the weed (false messages and beliefs) and replacing with wheat (God purpose) before more weeds grew in my mental garden.

Is it any wonder that while I did not intend to live singularly or singly all my life so far, I was not about to settle for less than God can deliver. I may be deemed to be picky, fresh and grandiose and I accept my own ability to ask Gof for exactly the qualities I am worthy of and to encorage my tiwn flame to embrace his full worth. Therefore, I continue to love myself while the someone God created to be vulnerable enough to be willing to be his authentic self and strong enough to respect my powerful self reveals himself . I already have all I have to offer- sincere, heartfelt passionate love, respect and self responsible that has been tried, test and proven true by my Maker and Making.

Is it any wonder that God is a jealous God and would not let anyone offer anything less than what God can offer and provide!

This is my offer, my only offer. Take it or leave it. Accpet or decline

Thank God for the lesson on authentic intimate relationship!

NAEFPBPWMBIANFWYY

I know that you’re sometimes disappointed with my pace, my timing, my style, and my plan on how I intend to prove my love, care and passion for you still have to believe that I am working in your life even when you do not feel that I do.

You know that I could whip up an instant cure for all your ouches but all would accomplish is short-term relief that only fools you into thinking that all is well and coax you into reverting to doing more of what contributes to slowing down your progress. There is no quick fix- short cut to replace the way I do the things I do and only I can do; be patient with yourself and please be patient with me because I am not finished with you yet.

I have all the time and time is also on your side because I AM is on your side so reeeeelaaaaaaaaaaaaaax; sloooooooow dowwwwwwwwwwwn- rest assured that I will wake you up when my time for you to spring into action. I have programmed everything you need to know, everyone who scheduled to be on your path and everyone whom you are scheduled to be on their path just when, where, why, how, I choose. Trust me on this and your frustration, anxiety and doubt will cease to prance around your sanity.

You have made so much more progress than your circumstances can ever confirm and conversely just being able to let me take full charge of all because your circumstances succeeded in bringing you and I closer than any abracadabra cure

Enjoy watching your spiritual vision grow; anticipate truth; and, trust that I will let you know everything you need to know just when you need it best!

Let’s continue to bond and I guarantee you that nothing will disturb our relationship that we cannot, together, overcome.

Thank you Angeal-Eyes… thank you!

Your Lifetime Guarantor,

OmniGod

For Ever Young

For the past few years, I have been able to keep up with a vow I made with myself- compose a poem to commemorate each anniversary that marks the day I arrived in flesh and blood on what is called, earth until earth is ready to have it's dust back.

This year seemed like an exception because I was still blank as to what to compose... a draft here and a script there. I wanted to write something and that is all that mattered, still it felt like what I wanted say was at the tip of my fingers and my heart was saying something, so I stopped arguing with the poem and let it write itself... talk about giving up the desire to control every outcome. Short, Sweet and to the point! That's how the heart works!

Life: trials, triumphs, trauma... the whole shebang- that Life!

God knows how to make each event, circumstance, joy, sorrows and in betweens matter, and so I continue to extract lessons from everyday experiences, knowing that when my passion needs more compassion, God’s always available to richly supply!

Though matter what, a life of purpose is living life- the whole shebang of it

Living fully... a daily requirement

My Dearest Nympha:

I know that you are looking for something so impossible to believe that even you feel that you will be shocked when I do.

Even when life looks scarier and emptier, please believe and know that i have not forsaken you nor do I ever intend to. I know that you know that and sometimes have trouble accepting that. Until you stop thinking of me as being uncaring of you or comparing me to wishy-washy relationships and description of me, all your mind will continue to do is fool you into wanting to annul all that we have built together over the last decade. Well frankly you have been hanging on to me for almost all of your life and you even got to the point where you could sit on my lap or put me to sit down on a chair next to you and look me straight in the eye and tell me what you think of me. Give yourself credit for taking those steps.

You are getting better and better yet this ideology of slaving away for brownie points to win my favour is so false and is really robbing you of all that you have developed from our relationship.

Just continue to let me care for you just as you ask me to.

I will remind you of all the wonderful letters you wrote to me and of course all the heartrending poems.

I know you question the point in all you have gone through and all the poems I inspired you to write. One day it will all add up... in fact the story is always unfolding so add all the pieces that you have collected so far. Continue to see things with fresh perspective. The meaning of life is forever open to a shift in how things transform. What made no sense decades or even seconds ago is in full light.

Rest my child rest.. the day for launching your life's purpose is at hand... and no, it is not any thing to make you wish you never pursued me or let me pursue you.

Relax, I am not that hard a disciplinarian. I need you to continue to want to be my best friend too, you know.

I will always be with you especially when things do not make any sense. Please do not count me out; as you know without me you are lost! This can seem intimidating but again remember that I am more than all that bothers you.

Continue to lean on me and I love it when you rest your head on my shoulders. I know you feel strange imaging me there even when you are so convince that I am not. I am your spirit so just know that I am there and taking great care of you....okay!

I am very patient with you, Miss Passionate. I really appreciate all your effort to want to be the person I created you to be. I know you sometimes feel like you can do nothing good or well enough to please me. You already are a girl after my own heart and that's good enough. In other words, live fully- I will show you how! I have always wanted to show you how.

Let go of your fears and frustration, ease your urge to give up on the daily practise of least resistance as you continue to depend on me and let me show you how much I love you... really love you... the kind of love that you yearn!

That's a girl... that's my girl!

Cheers!
Your pal, God

A Doubting Angel: When Nothing Makes Sense

When nothing makes sense...and my peace is disturbed I question God and sometimes I even diss God!

The sad thing is dissing God always feels like the best thing to do always when I need God the most.

Why God, Why?

I pray!

Dear God;

I need you to reassure me again and again and, again because I just feel like giving up on feeling like I matter to you or you really care about me. Then I think "What will I do?" “What will I do without you?" Can you please answer me, God!

I am disappointed, very disappointed in the way you show your love for me and for the many people who experience oppression and injustice from 'heavy burdens' that you don't seem to want to relieve us of.

Life feels scarier and scarier and emptier and emptier in the land of plenty.

Why?

I feel like stoned Stephen; please do not hold this against me, God. Do something God!

How am I suppose to trust you like a child trust that when it cries it will be comforted and fed and clothed and be protected from the elements.

Please turn things around like you did for Sarah, Hannah, Leah, Job, Joseph and David- Please God!

I am counting on you, not because I feel that I want to but because you are God and you are in charge!

Don't you have favour for those who are wanting to love you, trust you but now and then experience a challenge in doing so? Please God! I feel like I am pleading to you and all you do is ignore my plight! I can no longer live this way and sing 'it is okay or it is well withm y soul becasue it is not and if it is well with my sould then it is not well with my hopes when it seem like I am getting closer and closer to giving up on my dreams and settle for a life of envying sparrows. What good is in that!

How do you really show that you give a damn? How?

How do I think of you in any other way... a loving way right now?

How am I suppose to be a steadfast spirit, God.

Can I count on you or not? I am fed up of this yo-yoing relationship with you! If that is good enough for you, it is NOT good enough for me!

So please dear God, please give me something to took forward to other than wandering and wondering where the heck you are and what you are doing.

'I have fallen and I can't up'

I need you to pick me up!

Please Hurry!


A Doubting Angel

The qualities of a Good Nation

People have been domesticated so that it feels and appears okay to hide their consciousness in the closet and not be disturbed after the bedtime dose of Prozac or Lorapazem when God say no doze, because that is not enough to fool God!

God knows all too well that no one can live that way because that was one thing God did not program in the human heart.

Thinking creatively, and not leaning on my own understanding of things is more important than just following the rules that appear good on glossy paper and void of meaning and life.

So as usual I turn to God’s encyclopedia in depth and that requires discipline, sound reasoning and a daily dose of renewed commitment… something that a good nation should live by. I believe now the law was not designed to protect us but to often trick us and coerced us to turn away from what works, what really works.

Sure God designed that we work and according to God’s definition of work it is that God’s burden is light it may be enduring and sometime painstaking still it is not designed to be a burden that still cannot even provide the basics of food clothes and shelter…the bare minimum… the bare essentials. God does not like it and neither do I!

So back to my subject matter… what makes a Good Nation?

Accountability
Rendering to Caesar what is Caesar’s and God what is God… God did not say it was easy, God said it is possible
Social justice that works
Humble servants who follow Jesus’ ways … that does not come easy either
There is probably a whole more to it than that
I am still learning and intend to act according to my consciousness… that’s not easy either
Still that is the only way to put God first!

Making peace with the unknown

The more I dread the ‘not yet’ and ‘let go and let God’, the more I am disconcerted by the unknown… and the more I get upset that God alone knows everything and so God alone can run the show.

Being totally dependent on God should make me joyfully soar for God’s love yet lately all I want to do is give up on pleasing God even though that choice would cause me even more trouble than I have encountered in my lifetime so far. I have come a long way!

So what do I do, God… what do I do when I feel like I am in the storm and instead of gliding peacefully, I am being tossed by waves that want me let the storm win. I would if I knew for sure that you are really in that storm with me. But I do not know for sure and that is what petrifies me.

Do I keep going? Do I fall asleep on the waves? Do I scream, fuss and shout? Do I laugh and dance?

You really have a funny way of making me cling to you when I am tempted to have nothing to do with you. Why?

I suppose I am in the refiner’s fire learning how to say ouch and still trust that the refiner’s fire will not turn to the fires of hell and char me up.

Oh well, my idea of you is a bit gruesome right now and I cannot pretend it is any other way for now, so please bear with me while I get back my bearings on your road to happiness.

I do not know how to fully love you but I am willing to know or at least to try; but you do not seem to have an easy way of making that happen so I will have to make peace with the unknown and trust that this will help me eligible to dwell in one of your many mansions.