I am running out of ideas of what really is the best way to enjoy God without feeling like I am doing something sacrilege.
As God knows, I am not a big fan of religion, church or some of the beliefs that keep clashing with my best efforts to surrender my life to God and let God take care of me like the bible promises. Even that can be sometimes troublesome. Still I am determined to prove God's love for me at least during the times when doubts takes over my consciousness... which somehow I have trouble believing is doable because nothing oursmarts God.
Philosophy is an interesting phenomena but it keeps me spinning in circles and I often wonder if that is God trying to get my attention because I find life's meaning very intriguing and maybe I want to go where God has forbidden. Then how am I suppose to know God and trust God's timing and be content with hindsight when God says that if I simply ask, all I need will be there right on schedule! The way God works is really geared to keeping me interested in a relationship that cannot be found in the human realm and somehow I know the human realm has a lot to do with it.
Which takes me back to square one. Where is the best place to just be myself and really know that God is happy with me just the way I choose to be myself without being haunted by the stamp of lunatic. I know you know how this feels because even I have sometimes stamped you lunatic. Then and again you are God and that you created human beings a little lower than you. Why is that so?
Well, I know what Solomon have told me " that it is dangerous to be concerned with what people think of me; with God I am safe." So how is God supposed to reach out to me through people and I reach out to people and know that God has a hand in the relationships and moreover, that they are going to make sense to God?
I am on the verge of another bout of unbelief. I wonder if I should even bother trying to make sense of how God works. Then God, grant me a more potent boost of serenity, clarity and equanimity in a way that stops the questions and doubting about whether I am on God's path because hearing directly from God is too fleeting and daunting. I really want to hear from God loud and clear all the time! Is that even possible? I want to believe that you are really working in ways that I could never comprehend and maybe that is not good enough to show your love for me. Sorry God, that is just not good enough for me! Too much damaged trust and all I can do right now is wonder about you. Is that good enough! I need much more reassurance and grace to keep me steadfast on life’s journey!
As God knows, I am not a big fan of religion, church or some of the beliefs that keep clashing with my best efforts to surrender my life to God and let God take care of me like the bible promises. Even that can be sometimes troublesome. Still I am determined to prove God's love for me at least during the times when doubts takes over my consciousness... which somehow I have trouble believing is doable because nothing oursmarts God.
Philosophy is an interesting phenomena but it keeps me spinning in circles and I often wonder if that is God trying to get my attention because I find life's meaning very intriguing and maybe I want to go where God has forbidden. Then how am I suppose to know God and trust God's timing and be content with hindsight when God says that if I simply ask, all I need will be there right on schedule! The way God works is really geared to keeping me interested in a relationship that cannot be found in the human realm and somehow I know the human realm has a lot to do with it.
Which takes me back to square one. Where is the best place to just be myself and really know that God is happy with me just the way I choose to be myself without being haunted by the stamp of lunatic. I know you know how this feels because even I have sometimes stamped you lunatic. Then and again you are God and that you created human beings a little lower than you. Why is that so?
Well, I know what Solomon have told me " that it is dangerous to be concerned with what people think of me; with God I am safe." So how is God supposed to reach out to me through people and I reach out to people and know that God has a hand in the relationships and moreover, that they are going to make sense to God?
I am on the verge of another bout of unbelief. I wonder if I should even bother trying to make sense of how God works. Then God, grant me a more potent boost of serenity, clarity and equanimity in a way that stops the questions and doubting about whether I am on God's path because hearing directly from God is too fleeting and daunting. I really want to hear from God loud and clear all the time! Is that even possible? I want to believe that you are really working in ways that I could never comprehend and maybe that is not good enough to show your love for me. Sorry God, that is just not good enough for me! Too much damaged trust and all I can do right now is wonder about you. Is that good enough! I need much more reassurance and grace to keep me steadfast on life’s journey!
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