Permanence of penance perished

For a very long time I experienced the disguise of overblown fear as exuberant courage that made God laugh and made me cry that all God did was laugh. Of course now I know that God was not laughing because I was ridiculous although back then I treated God as the ridiculous one, anyway. God was teaching me to laugh at myself when I oops instead of exploding into tiny bits of humiliation by incessantly deriding myself for invalidating my ticket to heaven for the chance to get a glimpse at this glorious ghost

Yearning for life to be any other way than what it is, is fuel for purgatory where phantoms love to play while waiting for a new life as if there is no fun allowed in this life that is stitched by transient time and change

I was looking at the sky and it was as if the clouds knew that any moment I would look up- carefree of change and careless of time they made a very poignant point. The same point God was helping me get through and get through to me

A state of calm beyond words made its most provocative projection on my perspective of perfection- a lesson to remember next time I want to hold on to an orgasmic moment of time and change- and watch the miracle of circumstance unfold. and when I oops, I catch myself and laugh with myself and sometimes laugh that God laughs so hard it cries and I laugh even more each time I remind myself when God nudges me to remember, that circumstances are just a passing through with treasures lined up in each one