When the student is ready...

… … God makes sense! A whole lot sense!

There have been times when watching someone walk away from me was like plunging a dagger in my chest. Even God-confidence was not enough to console me….

I would beat myself up for feeling convinced that something was definitely wrong with me. That in and of itself made acceptance of what is an acceptable lesson. Having some conditioned cell programmes to believe that I may never live long enough to fix that something was more than enough to make me create my biggest dream. If only for my sake I decided heck with all adopted acclamation as I calmly and quietly build my own heaven right here on earth. I was already beginning to feel like a failure in love and being loved by God. The word ‘loser’ and lost and sometime the combo lostloser precariously perched on the rim of my mind each time I looked in the mirror!

Was I feeling loved, will I ever know love besides God's, that is?

Did God forget to create me with selflove ability to go with the compassion that was becoming limp. God giggled, and when God giggles I know that my ideas of myself were not funny or true for that matter. They were downright unacceptable, and untrue; at least in God's eyes and sometime even in the most subtly scripting of my soul I know I was more than what was cunning me.

Well Hello… anybody home…anybody home to love the one who is herself cackled the God who already knew why it made me the way it made me!

Well the game was on me! Yauwch!

I had some work to do on myself in that department and I had to get it all- precisely! Though matter who comes, stays for a while or take the next flight out, I would always have to love and enjoy being with me even when hell freezes over and there seem no one who can love me and be loved by me, unconditionally. Running away from my whole self, or encouraging or assisting my soul to depart from my self was not an option.

There are various lessons to learn and most of it has to be taken in the “dark room”, alone! Thank God for laughter. Both God and myself laugh so hard it lit up the dark room enough to indicate my newfound level of self

No matter what I did or did not do, I had to learn to really love, forgive and, accept myself. That's when I secure building the firm foundation. Who I am as a child of God’s creation is a gift from geniusgenerous God and I am therefore choosing to not feel threatened by human footsteps growing fainter as they disappear in the distance.

This called for God-sized distinction in loving one’s self and I passed!

That was the best bull’s-eye I ever hit! Hallelujah!