Expanding of Awareness

Many events, people and things and even God did not make sense when I wanted them to make sense to me. In hindsight I understand that not making sense does not negate the fact that God is writing the script as needed, in medical terms 'STAT'... right away the plan works and just as good medicine takes time to manifest right outcomes so does seeing the meaning and order behind life's chaos and mundane activities.

God's payoff is always something that makes me go WOW! I tell you God is very cheeky if you ask me...anyway since God is the one always at work, I have come to the point in my life when I have no qualms in thanking I AM for even the most foolish move. I still hold on to fulfilling my heart's desire even like Sarah I am getting on in age.

God promise me to seek first God's Kingdom and that definitely was not after my body returns to Adam's rib and ultimately where Adam came from. I tell you, I am really interpreting God's Word on a very personal note and you know what? It is working!

Until I allowed myself permission to be in a mutually understanding relationship with God, I'd be lost in the mayhem of human experiments. Don't get me wrong, human help is necessary even though sometimes like Paul Simon I sing "I am a rock, I am an island... a rock feels no pain and an island never dies" I cannot always fool myself because pain is very real; however, I do not let it stop me from doing what I can do. In fact I use the pain for its intended purpose: to know when I need to take time off to attend to the cause of the pain and allow my body's painkillers to kick in.

Now that requires patience and gentleness with and to myself because God designed the body to repair and heal best when it is done without the busyness syndrome and hurry-up or else syndrome or worst of all the 'you lazy butt and loather' curse!

I just thank God that I did not let myself get into worse physical impairment to prove that God does not care. Self-responsible character is not easy and that is what God meant by suffering... not being the dutiful creature that exists to rescue the world while its soul is dying.

Surely I can do much better work now that I have this thorn in my flesh to remind me of God's promises and purpose for my life. I can honestly give ode to all my ouches...

I understand why Joseph, the three Hebrew brothers, Nehemiah, Job, David, Judith, Mordecai, father Abraham and my countless friends did what they did when faced with the choice of life and death!

The messages that I was struggling to understand from these biblical stories were really agitating my nerves yet instead I pounded on God's nerves so God can help me understand what the heck was the meaning behind these biblical stories as it pertains to me, Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis. I was even about to abandon calling myself the name I chose to call myself about seven years ago, when I decided to change the name I was given at birth. I thought that Nympha was a tough act to follow and maintain simple because in the bible Nympha means house of God. Is it any wonder I felt like every body’s fortress- oh evay! In the Roman Catholic is was even more petrifyingly agonizing to know I was named after a martyr- something I was hell-bent on not carrying on as a personal plaque or cross of crux. The saddest part is I never even heard any one give credit to her in church or religious setting.

I figure while this name is holy, I rather downgrade to Angeal-Eyes as I could live with that. Well as much as I do not want to give the government money for a name change, it is worth it because now I want to officially call myself Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis. I never had a middle name so now I do!

And this is how I call myself no matter what my status on this side of heaven is. Right now it feels like I am in heaven, so whether that proves me grandiose or schizophrenic, I am proud to say that heaven and hell are states of the mind.

I continue to listen to my heart and remain open to the fact that as long as I am a flesh and blood creature I can make mistakes. Making mistakes is not the booboo. Not taking responsibility for missing the mark is the bomber! That too is reason for all this false suffering!
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