Salutations to Trial and Error!

The point of separation from things that no longer work efficiently and connect to the point of attachment to what works resourcefully took a lot of trial and error on my part.

When it comes to beating up on oneself, I was in a class above the rest. That was simply due to the fact that I had trouble understanding:
Mistakes are inevitable
Being a mistake is a divine no-no
Trial and error is a precursor to improvement
Accountability is a sign of marked growth

I also had another troublesome habit: dwelling on ‘what if’ instead of appreciating the learning curve that mapped my progress in my wanting to improve all areas of my life.

That in and of itself was a whole heap of pressure because I always felt like I did not measure up... measure up to what… I have no conscious idea of my own even up to this point. All I knew is that I was always so close and yet far away from the relationship I know I want with life.

I waited for perfection to drop it down from the cosmos…ready made.

That did not happen. In fact all that happened is, I almost earned myself a master’s degree in waiting patiently, idly is more like it.

I played by my own mental rules. That was going well until I began looking over my shoulder, constantly. I kept checking in with the volumes of predetermined and fabricated beliefs to no avail. Looking back I felt that this was my biggest mistake and until I turned that into an ally, I was doomed. That part of me that I most sought after just kept playing peek a boo. The sad fact is instead of participating in the love pursuit and let go of the apprehensiveness of fear of not getting it right, no not just right, it had to be impeccably perfect, I did nothing

Then I decided to switch my major and voila I earned my doctorate in trial and error!

Whoopee!

The super serious stubbornness of the need to hold on to ideas that were at this point, obviously becoming vampires, soon transformed to a stepping-stone that supported me in finding my own religio.

Without giving up the fragile thread of my spirit, I pressed on…
... thanks to trial and error!