Ode to my tangles

Thank you God for guiding my direction to walk on life’s path. I always knew that all the health issues were the means to my abundant blessings that money cannot buy: self love, self acceptance, forgiveness, courage, boldness, serenity and a peace that passes all understanding. Is it any wonder that my poems now reading them, some of them, years after I composed them are actually prayers and expressions of my deepest desires as I continue to discern what really is your life your purpose for creating me.

I came this close to abandoning myself and settle for a life of existence and almost gave up my passionate self and the fact that you have plans to prosper me or that you would use me as your disciple. my innermost being and all its senses reminded and assured me that you did not give me anyone else’s life, nor give my life to someone else. You gave me my very own and since you did, I figured that the longings in my heart were meant for me to fulfill and not buried. The thing is they are so big that only you can bring it through in me.

Everything, ouches and all, are what was necessary to take me where I need to be. The unknown was nothing more than my deepest desires disguise as the unfathomable treasure that went into hiding when I stopped living and enjoying the life you gave to me. I almost traded it for a life designed by illusions. The life I have always yearned to live was never imaginary or wishful thinking.
Well I have to ask for your forgiveness for underestimating your power at work in me and for your great love for me.

I know you alone can do what no other power can do. You are the specialist of things that seem most impossible to accomplish so I wait patiently for you do in me and for me that which I earnestly pray for…for starters, a sincere spirit, pure intentions, intimacy…

Thank you for removing the scales that covered my vision. There I thought that it was gone only to find that they were hidden from me. Now I understand why the strings that played on my heart still strummed even in the most trying times when I was at my wits end. That will explain why I kept clinging to the little spark that one day you will bring my aspiration to completion even when nothing made sense and I felt like I was kidding myself that you are on my side.

I am still not perfect nor do I want to kid myself that one day I will be and I am delighted that you never ask that of me nor expect it. That is enough to make me offer my life to you just as it is while I continue to be the best person I can be. Phew! What a relief to know that this is all you require of me or of any of your children for that matter.

Today I live to rejoice for all that I have been through. I remain aware that there are lot more challenges along the way as I continue to journey on this side of heaven. This requires courage, endurance, perseverance, patience, trust and many more qualities that I can have only by letting you restore my character in your Refiner’s Fire. That is why the only promise I can make to you is that when the stormy moments come upon me I will not run away from what you are doing in me, through me, and for me.