A message without the anger fumes of disease

I took a look at myself in the mirror and all I see radiated in the reflections is the beauty within. I am humbled that it took me that long to trust the creator of lifetime guarantee and take care of myself or rather let life take care of me. Still I have no need for regret. In fact, I am excited that I did wrestle with life and argue with God because throughout all this period of change and restoration; change is still the only constant.

I feel safe with which I am and the knowledge of the tree of life, first hand and yet outlive Adam and Eve. Until I was my own self, I could not know for sure who I really am or what I agreed to help the creator to do. I still do not know the big picture in the grand scheme of life; all I know for now is enough

To do that I had to make friends with the past and that is the where fear took residence because the hocus pocus just expanded and covered my right brain. Now that was no happenstance either. God meant business way back then. That is when I first felt severed from the journey of being me.

Before I would lament and say “ what a sad life”. Hindsight has retrained my perspective

That is the disease that has disguised itself and manifested as bipolar, diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, hypertension, sickle cell trait et al. The symptoms barged in some as early as five and many more waltz in and out whenever I cease to be myself. That is why I acted it out when I could not no longer contain it. Now that was not my idea because being crazy back then meant isolation… this is not a new phenomenon of mental health SOS. What I witness as a child visiting a mentally challenged relative was tattooed so indelibly in the memory bank that I decided I rather go to hell than get crazy. The fact that his death certificate indicated the real reason for the disorientation that led to the murderous diagnosis and treatment that inevitable escorted him to his home back in the dust was not my idea of passing-on-legacy from generation to generation. The buck stopped tolling there!

Decades later though when push came to shove, the crazy cells decided that this was a better way and indeed for me it was! Whatever it took me to keep my self alive with integrity, I did and I did it safely each time. Now that I come to think of it; it was life‘s way of beckoning me to take heed of how far I had wondered from my core using misleading direction, maps of quest that end up in dead end destinations with no sign saying hey, this is the way of no ending happiness, you know, the thing you are looking for; you have arrived.

There was no way I could have retraced my steps. Boom disease showed up everywhere and took me to the way, the truth, the light through quiet storms, trying times and almost at breaking point. How it got me out is still in process and so far I can expect life to handle its own details.

I therefore strongly urge myself to remain responsible for everything that brought out the DSM-IV or MMPI or Projective Tests or social policy or job descriptions that has no intrinsic value in creation.

Conversely, thanks to hindsight it was all these tools that broght me to honour myself adn admit at first to myself that iI have lost myself and I must embark o n the journey of finding me so I can once again be me.

My soul brought on its search party and assigned me as director and c.e.o and as a partner in managing my wellness. it is a great privilege and honour to face the mental demons that play jump around in the mind in a serious attempt to divorce itself from it maker.

I continue to talk with life, ask the disease what it is here for because if it is only a parasite it will get the hint and if it is a lifeline then I trust it to let me know

It is one thing when healing is such a successstorie. When healing is in the disease itself, that results in successstories over and over and over with each breath I take, that is a trademark worth paying for.