…
…Is the truth itself
Now that I know that God is taking care good care of what concerns me, I am planning my graduating from life ceremony.
That which was a decade ago supposedly a signal of suicide that set death-fearers on high red alert while I in no way was planning to knock on any where near the gates of St. Peter. That waylaywaylay had me expend and spend so much energy justifying and trying to prove that I was not about to do anything ‘stupid’ and nowadays I wondered why I even cared to want to explain why I needed to save my soul; and body and mind, while at it.
After having gone through so much of what I had began suspecting was my own life drainer; I began to throw away the cloggers-in-disguise and of course, according to the civilized world this is a no-no, just hang on to them and add more and work harder and accumulate every joy-tank drainer that my mind could hold on to along the way in what turned out to be the real hell that I was coerced to live in.
Meanwhile the ones who are diagnosing my insight through their lens of madness did everything to distract me and distracted I was and of course I was at the same time celebrating the fact that I took off time to appropriately assess the rawness of unhappiness.
Interestingly the one who was most adamant that I think like I am told to think so as to be in good books of the civilized was the one who chose to give up on life when the doctors assumed his dying day was days away. Laying in bed waiting for the fateful dreadful moment, that I was happy to know was not the joy stealer, and send messengers to trumpet the doctors prediction and wants me- the foolish one with morbid ideas- to come to bid farewell.
All I told the messengers is that faith in a doctor is one thing, faith in a few pills that the body can no longer digest is not death; therefore this means that he is not going anywhere in any hurry because the doctors said so. Get his shorts out and get ready for baseball season. That was years ago; I did not go and neither has he kicked that bucket.
Had I not listened to the weird inkling to ‘take a good look at you and tell me something…tell me something Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis, is that how you want to celebrate living? Ghosts would still be writing my script for me and forcing me to act normal instead of encouraging me to present my naturalness which Universe endow me with live and direct from the God
I am happy to have had life got me to the point where nothing much mattered- not all my goodgod intention, not throwing away my dreams and desire to dream, not caring if I made it to heaven or hell; not even if Jesus had to die on a cross again to prove God’s love for me can suffice to live a life of matyrdom when God keeps offering me heaven without having to die.
No one can nor should attempt to force anyone to trade that conviction all because of the false prophesy meaning of suicide. I personnaly define the hype as the fear of one’s own fear of death however, and whenever it comes.
As for me, like a thief in the night in broad daylight death is always at my side
And so is God
Knowing that helps me want to enjoy the most of what little time or abundance of breaths I still have to inhale and exhale without the apprehension of it being the last.
The truth without the taint. That settles the diagnosis
I can accept my own disease... that I never really appreciated the road that led me to heaven and tempted me to settle for hell- what seem to have been hard labour was itself the keys to the Kingdom of heaven here on earth.
I made a vow with God to not let my mind pollute its space otherwise the phantoms return with seven more to help pin me down.
and so I continue to see the good in the lifetimes ahead and give thanks for the lifetimes long gone
…Is the truth itself
Now that I know that God is taking care good care of what concerns me, I am planning my graduating from life ceremony.
That which was a decade ago supposedly a signal of suicide that set death-fearers on high red alert while I in no way was planning to knock on any where near the gates of St. Peter. That waylaywaylay had me expend and spend so much energy justifying and trying to prove that I was not about to do anything ‘stupid’ and nowadays I wondered why I even cared to want to explain why I needed to save my soul; and body and mind, while at it.
After having gone through so much of what I had began suspecting was my own life drainer; I began to throw away the cloggers-in-disguise and of course, according to the civilized world this is a no-no, just hang on to them and add more and work harder and accumulate every joy-tank drainer that my mind could hold on to along the way in what turned out to be the real hell that I was coerced to live in.
Meanwhile the ones who are diagnosing my insight through their lens of madness did everything to distract me and distracted I was and of course I was at the same time celebrating the fact that I took off time to appropriately assess the rawness of unhappiness.
Interestingly the one who was most adamant that I think like I am told to think so as to be in good books of the civilized was the one who chose to give up on life when the doctors assumed his dying day was days away. Laying in bed waiting for the fateful dreadful moment, that I was happy to know was not the joy stealer, and send messengers to trumpet the doctors prediction and wants me- the foolish one with morbid ideas- to come to bid farewell.
All I told the messengers is that faith in a doctor is one thing, faith in a few pills that the body can no longer digest is not death; therefore this means that he is not going anywhere in any hurry because the doctors said so. Get his shorts out and get ready for baseball season. That was years ago; I did not go and neither has he kicked that bucket.
Had I not listened to the weird inkling to ‘take a good look at you and tell me something…tell me something Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis, is that how you want to celebrate living? Ghosts would still be writing my script for me and forcing me to act normal instead of encouraging me to present my naturalness which Universe endow me with live and direct from the God
I am happy to have had life got me to the point where nothing much mattered- not all my goodgod intention, not throwing away my dreams and desire to dream, not caring if I made it to heaven or hell; not even if Jesus had to die on a cross again to prove God’s love for me can suffice to live a life of matyrdom when God keeps offering me heaven without having to die.
No one can nor should attempt to force anyone to trade that conviction all because of the false prophesy meaning of suicide. I personnaly define the hype as the fear of one’s own fear of death however, and whenever it comes.
As for me, like a thief in the night in broad daylight death is always at my side
And so is God
Knowing that helps me want to enjoy the most of what little time or abundance of breaths I still have to inhale and exhale without the apprehension of it being the last.
The truth without the taint. That settles the diagnosis
I can accept my own disease... that I never really appreciated the road that led me to heaven and tempted me to settle for hell- what seem to have been hard labour was itself the keys to the Kingdom of heaven here on earth.
I made a vow with God to not let my mind pollute its space otherwise the phantoms return with seven more to help pin me down.
and so I continue to see the good in the lifetimes ahead and give thanks for the lifetimes long gone
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