Quiet warrior versus suffering in silence

I have often heard and even been described as one: the unpredictably predictables

That when I am goes into quiet, the atomic serenity also become disquieting
The mind’s next move is stalled and the next uncertain move is frightening
One encourages the spirit one encourages the mind

Though I often chose to switch on silence and solitude, suffering was not switched off. In fact, suffering took the spotlight.

I would just close my heart from the mental bruisers; that very life-preserving skill was also shutting off spirit as customized to be me

This happened so frequently that their purpose clashed- too much mix up.

Suffering in silence thrived on that- my mind was fast becoming a thorn garden- no roses

Quiet warrior was sustained by that very too a thorn garden- looking for its rose

Still I know one was unnecessary
Suffering became weepingly loud: you need me
Silence became increasely numb: you need me

Until
The mental muscle developed and began to remaster the act of knowing the art.

Suffering inevitable
Suffering in silence optional
Practicing that knowing- lifelong processing, unprocessing, reprocessing