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July 11, 2008

respectful, responsible rebel

When I thought to believe that someone connected to me by lineage and even non-lineage and authority ‘authors’ held the missing part of me in trust while assigned to care for me, I was livid… not wild, just livid. I was livid with God and livid with Death!

Everyone who, I thought had the noble responsibility of guarding, keeping and tending to the treasure that God built in determining who I am were either dead, dying or waiting to die.

What kind of sick jock is that?
I mean what kind of God gives your endowment to someone other than the rightful recipient and expect me go along with that all my life and reunite after death to redeem something I would not even need because in the new life you get new body and new life…and while on earth strife and strive to redeem my birthright…

…Bull Shit!

That was not a good enough offer from the God who owns and knows everything. I did not want the impossible to become possible when I do not have any use for it … I want it before I die.

I laid that offer on God’s table and it was my turn to command…

Dear God,

Please...pretty please here’s my offer. Take it or leave it. Your seeker
Child of God, Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis
Hope to hear from you some day before I die!

I think God went into hiding for a very long time and I became the stone that I dreaded would one day take my place and it did not matter. I really had some big issues with God and I defied him every bit that I felt he owed me. I was drunken high on God defiance. I fought death relentlessly so it could release the stolen goodies and stop stealing the people who held my treasure hostage and wouldn’t return it. I think I woke up all the resting in peaces- not pieces- souls to bring back my treasure because I cannot function clearly without it.

It took a lot of bruisers to sombre me up and it took God a lot of pursuing with good intentions to win me back and bruisers, good as their purpose were, are not my idea of obedience rewards.

That’s why the serenity prayer makes a whole lot of sense when I feel like I am in a spiritual drunkenlike stupor. Then it dawned on me one day when I was too livid….

…let death do what death gotta do…

I sprung from tranceland with a sudden burst of energy- too much energy for someone who could not recall the last meal if there was even a meal to remember.

I asked myself where did that come from?

I began asking myself a lot of questions and also wondered where did all those God-forbidden questions came from.

It was me. I resurrected except unlike Jesus I kept dying again and again.

Death resigned from its enjoying of my plight in chasing some scarecrow in the Garden of Eden

That is what transforms the trail of death to the truth territory where rebels are not suppose to tread and the meek fear to traverse. Now I am transforming into a responsible respectful rebel- a wild child… not livid, just wild and practising treasuring the treasure living inside me.

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