Many people walk through its doors for the latest buzz and some for a little quiet hideout away from the hum.
This stockroom is famous for connecting people, places, artifacts and arranging handshakes, eyeball-to-eyeball dialogue of resonating ideas with legends.
It is a place filled with heart huggers, enigmatic strangers and tearjerkers with whom I laugh as I nod, dance or watch them share what they’ve got. It is very freaky to comprehend that some of these artists I cannot meet with in the physical realm are very animated creatures whose spirit commune with me and invite me in their everyday lives and experiences at the library.
February 29, 2008
February 28, 2008
Over and, out
February 27, 2008
Deductive Reasoning
February 26, 2008
Rigid systematic values= still births
The symbolism of literature and linguistics is something that makes the bible and other doctrine and philosophy either very flexible or very rigid
One can spare the rod and spoil the child and one can fine tune what is already built into the child and let its wings develop so it can soar
That is enough to make individual thinking a gift from God, Jesus and Holy Ghost to alleviate suffering while in the flock of flesh and mind
One can spare the rod and spoil the child and one can fine tune what is already built into the child and let its wings develop so it can soar
That is enough to make individual thinking a gift from God, Jesus and Holy Ghost to alleviate suffering while in the flock of flesh and mind
February 25, 2008
Built-in Bathtub
Tear ducts were overflowing from decades of holding in so when tears began flooding it made swimming in the ocean feel like having a bath in a drop of water.
Like overcast clouds dispelling earth’s dryness, every cell of my body was releasing pent up energy. Those saline drops of liquid crystals represented the relief soul experienced when life quenched its parched desires from the drought of longing.
Soul gave new meaning to laughter tears as well as it celebrated itself, happy to have made it through the eye of the needle side by side with the camel with the sparrow cheering all the way to the party room. What a delight!
This gives a new spin to the prodigal son’s story-a remix, if you will- and so when tears blend with smiles without any care or need to take turns or wait for permission or validation that it is okay, life is dandy as can be and I have no need to medicate soul’s style of expressing its bliss.
Like overcast clouds dispelling earth’s dryness, every cell of my body was releasing pent up energy. Those saline drops of liquid crystals represented the relief soul experienced when life quenched its parched desires from the drought of longing.
Soul gave new meaning to laughter tears as well as it celebrated itself, happy to have made it through the eye of the needle side by side with the camel with the sparrow cheering all the way to the party room. What a delight!
This gives a new spin to the prodigal son’s story-a remix, if you will- and so when tears blend with smiles without any care or need to take turns or wait for permission or validation that it is okay, life is dandy as can be and I have no need to medicate soul’s style of expressing its bliss.
February 24, 2008
Spiritual fortitude: a diet for life and a lifelong diet
How is it possible to hold on to hope and feeling desperate simultaneously, and not feel like a failure?
Were it not for holy tension I’d be a botch up bamboozle and finding wholesome balance would always seem to be so far away.
The memory of days when God used a hammer to keep in me shape are bearable. The times when God uses a chisel of adversity are, in hindsight, bearable. It is those sledgehammer and shop vac trials that began to get my undivided attention… and don’t get me started about the jackhammer sessions- talk about spiritual roughage.
Just like adequate intake of fibre helps prevent constipation in the human body so is adequate trials absolutely necessary to prevent blockage in the psyche.
Oh how I intend to continue to focus on living and watch the dark clouds transform to silver lining.
Were it not for holy tension I’d be a botch up bamboozle and finding wholesome balance would always seem to be so far away.
The memory of days when God used a hammer to keep in me shape are bearable. The times when God uses a chisel of adversity are, in hindsight, bearable. It is those sledgehammer and shop vac trials that began to get my undivided attention… and don’t get me started about the jackhammer sessions- talk about spiritual roughage.
Just like adequate intake of fibre helps prevent constipation in the human body so is adequate trials absolutely necessary to prevent blockage in the psyche.
Oh how I intend to continue to focus on living and watch the dark clouds transform to silver lining.
February 23, 2008
Bedtime stories a lá Carte, day or night
Bedtime stories a lá Carte, day or night
Personal imaginings of life as is while in the mansion of the bellybutton always spark intuition to appear very real to me even though I am quite aware that I am dreaming.
So what does my brain do? It knocks on heavens door located right next to bellybutton to invite an upload of ideas fit for creators’ cocreator. Creator and cocreator begin to personalize scripts of my movie. The best part is I am the director and I AM is the viewer and assistant director.
Oh I love those dreams and visions that make life in 3 D animation fit in the multidimensional scope of my being. Soul uses the sky as its theatre.
What worlds vision present when personally projected!
February 22, 2008
Stepping out before the ‘sea’ parts
As the Old Testament story of the freedom of the slaves from Egypt indicated, everything that took them to and from Egypt was test of faith
The water did not just open and swallow the guards and save the crusaders matching to liberty; they stood before the Red Sea, I am convince- swearing under their breath while they quaked in fear of the peril and in reverence for life.
When the woman was preparing her final meal of flour and olive oil for her and her son, the last thing she was expecting is for God to send Elijah with orders requesting the first loaf!
So when life tells me it is haphakh even in the middle of a drought or in the middle of winter I say, bring it on! Because in all my searching for a God I did not find another like the I AM God of my understanding!
The water did not just open and swallow the guards and save the crusaders matching to liberty; they stood before the Red Sea, I am convince- swearing under their breath while they quaked in fear of the peril and in reverence for life.
When the woman was preparing her final meal of flour and olive oil for her and her son, the last thing she was expecting is for God to send Elijah with orders requesting the first loaf!
So when life tells me it is haphakh even in the middle of a drought or in the middle of winter I say, bring it on! Because in all my searching for a God I did not find another like the I AM God of my understanding!
February 21, 2008
The philosophy to life long healthiness and conscious eating
Approximately one hundred and sixty months ago I developed a fear for certain foods. On second thought, I think that the fear that had been there a long time ago manifested itself fourteen years ago when sugar was labelled as the culprit of my slow metabolism. I contracted a severe allergy to life called disease.
Interestingly what was never given much airtime was the real constant state of flee/fight that ninety-nine point nine percent of the time was a false alarm and that rigged more havoc than eating a little too much starch or milk and honey or skipping a workout. Mind you, I am the main reason for all this mayhem that rollercoastered my faith in the sheer possibility of enjoying a sweet life, even with its share of suffering.
I suppose that in spite of my sprightly optimism back then, I was at war with inner self most of the time, if not all of the time. That is a battle that will definitely wear and tear any superwoman. I mean who fights God or with food and wins!
The plus side is that somewhere deep within, the place where this same war was staged, there was another equally strong combat. My spirit was making sure I lived through every minute of the ordeal until I realize that I was fighting for and against myself at the same time and I had to choose. You mean I had a choice?
Hooray, I began to take time to not just look for the enemy words on food labels and curse the people who manufactured drugs, I began a holistic self study of what I was really feeling, why I was feeling the way and the role that food played as its ammunition and what the heck my body was communicating to me and giving it the time of day to express itself in a manner for me to understand and respond accordingly.
I had to turn to the same self that I was at war with and plead for help to do things well and right. That took a few blows of God’s 2x4 humility baton and admit that I was pretending to be too small for my own good and create a God the size of the one I wanted to woo me.
Talk about a blast to the ego. That was the best choice I made and in due course I resume my love affair with food, consciously. I rest those same cares that once brought on all the unnecessary flee/fight in God's basket and leave them there.
Now I can breath easy!
Interestingly what was never given much airtime was the real constant state of flee/fight that ninety-nine point nine percent of the time was a false alarm and that rigged more havoc than eating a little too much starch or milk and honey or skipping a workout. Mind you, I am the main reason for all this mayhem that rollercoastered my faith in the sheer possibility of enjoying a sweet life, even with its share of suffering.
I suppose that in spite of my sprightly optimism back then, I was at war with inner self most of the time, if not all of the time. That is a battle that will definitely wear and tear any superwoman. I mean who fights God or with food and wins!
The plus side is that somewhere deep within, the place where this same war was staged, there was another equally strong combat. My spirit was making sure I lived through every minute of the ordeal until I realize that I was fighting for and against myself at the same time and I had to choose. You mean I had a choice?
Hooray, I began to take time to not just look for the enemy words on food labels and curse the people who manufactured drugs, I began a holistic self study of what I was really feeling, why I was feeling the way and the role that food played as its ammunition and what the heck my body was communicating to me and giving it the time of day to express itself in a manner for me to understand and respond accordingly.
I had to turn to the same self that I was at war with and plead for help to do things well and right. That took a few blows of God’s 2x4 humility baton and admit that I was pretending to be too small for my own good and create a God the size of the one I wanted to woo me.
Talk about a blast to the ego. That was the best choice I made and in due course I resume my love affair with food, consciously. I rest those same cares that once brought on all the unnecessary flee/fight in God's basket and leave them there.
Now I can breath easy!
February 20, 2008
Imagination and originalness
Meal and heal come in as many ways and in many forms as ingredients of Nature and self-expression and the willingness to cure which I define as creating and cocreating life that I can digest and enjoy while alive
Splendour is beyond description of what words can yield and knowledge can comprehend. The sense help to connect outside with within and the experience of satisfied contentment glows and radiate a light that needs not switch to activate it.
Splendour is beyond description of what words can yield and knowledge can comprehend. The sense help to connect outside with within and the experience of satisfied contentment glows and radiate a light that needs not switch to activate it.
February 19, 2008
Treat of a daily retreat
Served in digestible portions, life designs lessons that challenge, inspire, freshen my ideas of ways to enrich happiness
Earth lecturers are always available to reveal what is on the menu. The mixture of recipes combines knowledge, experience, wisdom, intention and attention in measurement that is relative to each menu maker
The result is reality just the way each intends to imagine it, expect it, want it, like it, or enjoy it. Either way universe is always satisfied and life continues to provide.
Earth lecturers are always available to reveal what is on the menu. The mixture of recipes combines knowledge, experience, wisdom, intention and attention in measurement that is relative to each menu maker
The result is reality just the way each intends to imagine it, expect it, want it, like it, or enjoy it. Either way universe is always satisfied and life continues to provide.
February 18, 2008
Basics of Existence
February 16, 2008
Generous Grace
February 15, 2008
Celestial Combo
Angel of hindsight and angel of insight gather all their assistants and attendants to work with me on behalf of the universe so I can uphold my agreement with Life to do everything that I can and accept everything about me so I can enjoy unbridled bliss by celebrating my aliveness.
The Universe is honouring my contributions as worthy prizes and this is making my brain a gratifying gainful part of me and so I sing holy high hallelujah to my Iamness and, continue to participate in cocreating renewable happiness
The Universe is honouring my contributions as worthy prizes and this is making my brain a gratifying gainful part of me and so I sing holy high hallelujah to my Iamness and, continue to participate in cocreating renewable happiness
February 14, 2008
Heart of Earth
February 13, 2008
fascinating fulfillment
Life situations continue to brew the melting pot of personal and social experience. By understanding how the world of interrelations reigns using rules of reality and illusion of ideology I continue to gain a better perspective on life.
When wisdom created the patience program, which in heaven is the equivalent to ‘not yet’ I took this course rather half-heartedly yet somehow I managed to sustain my eager earth student attitude with gusto. The slow trickle of clear, objective perception of the facts of life now helps the mind come to a convincing conclusion that was well worth the wait and patience of preserving persevering
Life continues to freely offer to help inspire, influence and motivate personal growth as well as unrestricted freedom of happiness and harmony
When wisdom created the patience program, which in heaven is the equivalent to ‘not yet’ I took this course rather half-heartedly yet somehow I managed to sustain my eager earth student attitude with gusto. The slow trickle of clear, objective perception of the facts of life now helps the mind come to a convincing conclusion that was well worth the wait and patience of preserving persevering
Life continues to freely offer to help inspire, influence and motivate personal growth as well as unrestricted freedom of happiness and harmony
February 12, 2008
Ascribed access
Preschooling of the mind goes way beyond preconceived moment of physical contact in the bottomless pit where procreation premeditates until the mind is mature and ready for ripening.
How else would the mind know the senses are pruned and shapes well enough to implant and transplant tricks that it wants to have passed on to descendants long before instinct remembers how to conceive and give birth. How else does the trustee know that trusting is safe and gossip is gullible enough to become fuel for purified emotions to thrive and is also the same matter that can be converted into putrid mucilage that wilts thoughts otherwise full of potential seeds waiting to burst into creation.
Instinct and inspiration continue to mix-up a specialty using experience to ascribe prescribed use of knowledge of the wise age of ancient information and use it in present processing of intuitively retraining the brain.
The way God is revealing how it works and how it taught Christ and Buddha and all the wounded healers and trampled-on roses is making earth welcome the gestation period with holy willingness. The moon is high; the tide is low and I can swim in troubled waters to ride waves! Well hallelujah to the most high
How else would the mind know the senses are pruned and shapes well enough to implant and transplant tricks that it wants to have passed on to descendants long before instinct remembers how to conceive and give birth. How else does the trustee know that trusting is safe and gossip is gullible enough to become fuel for purified emotions to thrive and is also the same matter that can be converted into putrid mucilage that wilts thoughts otherwise full of potential seeds waiting to burst into creation.
Instinct and inspiration continue to mix-up a specialty using experience to ascribe prescribed use of knowledge of the wise age of ancient information and use it in present processing of intuitively retraining the brain.
The way God is revealing how it works and how it taught Christ and Buddha and all the wounded healers and trampled-on roses is making earth welcome the gestation period with holy willingness. The moon is high; the tide is low and I can swim in troubled waters to ride waves! Well hallelujah to the most high
February 11, 2008
Fair Trade
The same way I would not conduct an investment that is not feasibly practical, is the same sound reasoning and conscientious thought I would deliberate before considering abandoning myself in exchange for treasures that perish my authenticity
That is a lesson on real world faith and conscious living
That is a lesson on real world faith and conscious living
February 09, 2008
Provocative parable
I sense that the multitude that Christ fed with the five loaves and the two fish that he caught with his fishermen friends was to his cells. Of course the degree of patience that Jesus exemplified would have very well been honed by pinching every scrap that fell on the picnic table before the hawks and seagulls showed up. Afterall, he had not listened to the weather report to know if the fish would bite next day or the wheat would be ripe in time for baking the next meal. And Jesus told me that this is why he sent one of his disciples to get a coin from a fish to pay the taxes while he was at the wedding of Cana
The Godman knew how to fend for himself because even the Godman’s mind knew what it is like when the brain is famished and he had not yet been tempted by the ghastly ghost in his growling gut. And when he remembers what he was told happened to his ancestors on the way to the Promised Land, Lord Jesus was not about starve! Besides, those long talks to pass this on as the story of his forefathers was agonizing enough already and he needed to find a way out. That could very well be what prompted him to decide to give it up and become a legendary carpenter and parable prodigy who prompted people to promote the power of productivity that according to one’s faith so it is done
The Godman knew how to fend for himself because even the Godman’s mind knew what it is like when the brain is famished and he had not yet been tempted by the ghastly ghost in his growling gut. And when he remembers what he was told happened to his ancestors on the way to the Promised Land, Lord Jesus was not about starve! Besides, those long talks to pass this on as the story of his forefathers was agonizing enough already and he needed to find a way out. That could very well be what prompted him to decide to give it up and become a legendary carpenter and parable prodigy who prompted people to promote the power of productivity that according to one’s faith so it is done
February 08, 2008
Food Categories
Food that nourishes the soul
Food that feeds the body
Food that nurtures the mind
Whether it is the nourishing kind, the feeding kind or the nurturing kind God already knows that Love is the only everlasting ingredient. Wisdom already knows how to produce, process, purify each one according to the landscape of the fertile mental garden inside-out as displayed by the universe through nature, time and potential because this terrific scientific mind power takes its cue from that which changest not and abiding within
Food that feeds the body
Food that nurtures the mind
Whether it is the nourishing kind, the feeding kind or the nurturing kind God already knows that Love is the only everlasting ingredient. Wisdom already knows how to produce, process, purify each one according to the landscape of the fertile mental garden inside-out as displayed by the universe through nature, time and potential because this terrific scientific mind power takes its cue from that which changest not and abiding within
February 07, 2008
The best time to live, love, learn, listen, let go, let me is now
Procrastination has lost the battle; now has triumphantly set the records straight.
Circumstances change; curveballs curve; people say hi then die. Places look pretty then become wilderness. Later is not always greater or better. Still it is often better late than never to reunite with my core... my original state of grace.
My desire is to move forward; overcame any uncertainty or fear of that, this and the the is too late.
The best time to do the best is now.
Check God out at: give God a chance
You’ll find out who you really are and why you are really here
Don’t delay. God wants to tell you because only God knows!
Circumstances change; curveballs curve; people say hi then die. Places look pretty then become wilderness. Later is not always greater or better. Still it is often better late than never to reunite with my core... my original state of grace.
My desire is to move forward; overcame any uncertainty or fear of that, this and the the is too late.
The best time to do the best is now.
Check God out at: give God a chance
You’ll find out who you really are and why you are really here
Don’t delay. God wants to tell you because only God knows!
February 06, 2008
Partnership with God!
You bet!
Let’s just say you asked and I delivered. The thing with all your prayers was a cry of faith: increase my faith, test my faith and dear God please give me faith… that last one was a classic! Whether it was to get my okay that your faith was big enough or to lament that I forgot to dispense a great enough measure of faith to you.
You know you already that I had long, long ago given you a well full of your faith and own ideas that would supply our relationship. Sadly many layers of overwhelming situations built a wall to conceal me in an attempt to trick you to belive that you are alone in the midst of life’s frays. In order to help you re-establish your already fertilized faith I had to present you with opportunities to convince you that I Am is always with you. As the human saying goes: the dog’s hairs heal the dog’s wounds.
And you know all too well, practise is necessary to strengthen your outlook and so I will continue to give you just the right faith workouts.
Let’s just say you asked and I delivered. The thing with all your prayers was a cry of faith: increase my faith, test my faith and dear God please give me faith… that last one was a classic! Whether it was to get my okay that your faith was big enough or to lament that I forgot to dispense a great enough measure of faith to you.
You know you already that I had long, long ago given you a well full of your faith and own ideas that would supply our relationship. Sadly many layers of overwhelming situations built a wall to conceal me in an attempt to trick you to belive that you are alone in the midst of life’s frays. In order to help you re-establish your already fertilized faith I had to present you with opportunities to convince you that I Am is always with you. As the human saying goes: the dog’s hairs heal the dog’s wounds.
And you know all too well, practise is necessary to strengthen your outlook and so I will continue to give you just the right faith workouts.
February 05, 2008
Life is worth the journey
Time of despair; joy; pressures; pleasures; problems; solutions; tides; ebbs; wow; woy; bless you; damn you; oh evay; haphphak; life; death; success; experiments; births, resurrection, redemption; beginnings, endings, continuations; windfalls; downfalls; letting go, holding on; sunrise, sunset, day, night; sunshine; rain; falling; rising; sickness; sadness saga;, sundry images; vibrancy; why me God, why not me God; young, younger and even younger still; health, healthy, healthier; for better, for best; stumbling block, stepping stones; famish; gluttony; crumbs; steak, surplus, bankrupt, wilderness, oasis, quicksand, tragedy, launching pad, ladder, half empty glass; half full glass; cups of sorrows; tumblers of oohlalah; all the details of life…
... like it or not every bit of everything is worth living for.
February 04, 2008
Communion with God
Well there I thought that partnership with God is as good as it gets…
I was sitting on a cloud when God decided it’s time to take our intimacy to the max!
Was I intimidated?
Was I aroused?
Was I in for the time of my life?
Was I afraid?
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Was I ready?
Ooooh yeah!
But first, first, I had to let God in to where there was still a little nook and cranny for-my eyes-only space in my heart and soul.
Oh no!
Oh yes!
I put my best argument forward… God, well…
Wisdom put its best agreement on the platter.
Leave it… that was the first temptation; I knew that was not an option. I mean who walks out on the best offer? Who? I mean here I am fit enough to consummate my commitment with God and the first thought is’ God must have made a mistake!
What’s wrong with me?
Of course, I did the most obvious thing… I accepted God’s offer. I have not inhaled so slowly and so deeply in my life; maybe close enough, still nothing compared to this moment of total surrender!
Did I expect surrendering to be so sweet?
Did I anticipate communion with God to be so intimate/
Not in my wildest dreams!
I’ll say!
I was sitting on a cloud when God decided it’s time to take our intimacy to the max!
Was I intimidated?
Was I aroused?
Was I in for the time of my life?
Was I afraid?
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
Was I ready?
Ooooh yeah!
But first, first, I had to let God in to where there was still a little nook and cranny for-my eyes-only space in my heart and soul.
Oh no!
Oh yes!
I put my best argument forward… God, well…
Wisdom put its best agreement on the platter.
Leave it… that was the first temptation; I knew that was not an option. I mean who walks out on the best offer? Who? I mean here I am fit enough to consummate my commitment with God and the first thought is’ God must have made a mistake!
What’s wrong with me?
Of course, I did the most obvious thing… I accepted God’s offer. I have not inhaled so slowly and so deeply in my life; maybe close enough, still nothing compared to this moment of total surrender!
Did I expect surrendering to be so sweet?
Did I anticipate communion with God to be so intimate/
Not in my wildest dreams!
I’ll say!
February 03, 2008
One and the same!
God's refiner's fire is the classroom, lab and playground for all of us as we transition from one mood to the next mode seeking some sane balance above or below average. Well thank God that in the line of duty in heaven's helm there is no such thing because some people would not have any role in God's plan and that would be rather out of character for the Creator- very ungodly, to say the least. So why would God create all these categories of life? God did not. God is not the one who assigned religion, denomination, culture, languages, borders, them, me.me.me and us.
All I can find in Genesis is that God created man and woman and Psalm 8 affirms that God created human being only lower than God.
Then why would God allow all these categories?
Personally, I feel that God allows them so as to have some contrast and distinction between God-created and man-made so it would become a choice to discern life from death.
God has good news of great joy for each of us… no one is below or above average of each other. In other words, each of us is created only a little lower than God and God only is superior.
Saved saints… sinful saints … solitary saints… sad saints …sociable saints…spoilt saints: all are one and the same! That's up to us how we choose to describe ourselves or allowed to be labelled!
All I know and God knows is that we are all God-created and that's enough to help me to see the best in everyone!
All I can find in Genesis is that God created man and woman and Psalm 8 affirms that God created human being only lower than God.
Then why would God allow all these categories?
Personally, I feel that God allows them so as to have some contrast and distinction between God-created and man-made so it would become a choice to discern life from death.
God has good news of great joy for each of us… no one is below or above average of each other. In other words, each of us is created only a little lower than God and God only is superior.
Saved saints… sinful saints … solitary saints… sad saints …sociable saints…spoilt saints: all are one and the same! That's up to us how we choose to describe ourselves or allowed to be labelled!
All I know and God knows is that we are all God-created and that's enough to help me to see the best in everyone!
February 02, 2008
Saying Goodbye to Idle Fear
Maintaining an eternal perspective in the here and now is the most viable way to make it through the day and let go of the fear of whether there is really heaven or hell; resurrection or ad finitum.
Well if only for a mere consolation that when God takes away what is unnecessary in my life I can still be happy for what remains, then so be it because I will have done what I am to do, here on earth!
Curiosity still nibbles at my core and I wonder if there is any way that one can live without this natural inquisitive behaviour. For my sake, I hope not! Otherwise idle fear will bring me to ruins and I cannot live that way!
I even wonder if it were not curiosity that made God invent the universe; it could very well be that and not sheer boredom . then and again maybe that is how God discovered Divine, Ominpower.
Something must have gotten to God to spend six days going what if ... I did that... i wonder what would happen if I did that or said that...
I wonder about a lot of things and no doubt God wonders about a lot of things. I wonder if God knew what curiosity is capable of!
Until God reveals the whole truth... I continue to wonder; and, let idle fear take leave.
Well if only for a mere consolation that when God takes away what is unnecessary in my life I can still be happy for what remains, then so be it because I will have done what I am to do, here on earth!
Curiosity still nibbles at my core and I wonder if there is any way that one can live without this natural inquisitive behaviour. For my sake, I hope not! Otherwise idle fear will bring me to ruins and I cannot live that way!
I even wonder if it were not curiosity that made God invent the universe; it could very well be that and not sheer boredom . then and again maybe that is how God discovered Divine, Ominpower.
Something must have gotten to God to spend six days going what if ... I did that... i wonder what would happen if I did that or said that...
I wonder about a lot of things and no doubt God wonders about a lot of things. I wonder if God knew what curiosity is capable of!
Until God reveals the whole truth... I continue to wonder; and, let idle fear take leave.
February 01, 2008
Real faith at its best
It was not too long ago when gnawing questions about me, God, and everything exploded and splashed all over God’s workstation. That was something else! I could no longer keep these questions, doubts- honest doubt, and no nonsense allegations about the real essence of what makes things come to being just with a word. I no longer wanted to feed on super-sized serving of mental junk food about God and the right and best way to make it to eternity instead of maggot world.
If I had not attend to the brew of eyeball to eyeball interlude with God I would have gone ballistic, so ballistic that even God would have run for cover; so it was that, or agreeing to just address those magnitude of questions directly. I mean if children can write to Santa with such pure innocence and trust why can’t I communicate with God with such pure intent. Imagine giving God ultimatum that’s not just gutsy- it was inevitable were I to totally accept and surrender to God. If that what is called narcissist’s behaviour or that part of me that I skipped four decades ago that insist on getting some attention before it bowed out of the attention stadium, tehn so be it. When life becomes so important, when what its claws reveal are fragility, fragileness and preciousness then I will grab life and hang on to it. This is serious business and at the same time a very delicate matter… this is no joke! Needless to say, my fighter’s spirit spread its fangs and hell retracted its claws so I approach divine chambers where God and I began what is fast becoming rewarding and raw reality- uncut.
Looking back I saw ahead scenes that nudged me to move along and then I turn to move forward and was not sure which way was forward or behind- was I mesmerized. I felt so stuck moving at full speed. It wasn’t funny! I let that whirlwind did whatever it wanted- of course I cursed it for pining me down and pleaded it to do whatever it had to do and hurry up and get on with it so I can begin to get over it. I did not think I had it in me to be so livid that I walk miles and not even know it – walking miles in the middle of the night. That was better than pillow punching. I was frightened and relieved when discharged from the anger’s grip- glad it was over.. it took a long time and it was over before I knew it. Dissolved and rendered harmless that’s when fear stopped provoking to fuel my anxiety. I was very afraid of the consequences of releasing my sincere doubt of after life, of God, of everything. I was clinging on to the tip of the branch of agnotism and the edge of ad finitum ready to shake hands with the creator. Torn between a moment of boldness and split seconds of trepidation. No amount of planning could have prepared me for this close encounter with spiritual feistiness. I could die with no one knowing my yoyo relationship with God and pray that no one finds out or I could just be straight with God on the matter. Tough call either way! Not being straight with God was more tragic and I was not about to risk fooling myself either that God would not find out. Who enjoys living like that!
So I knocked on heaven’s door; it was already open and so long as I live this is something I have no desire to defend. I made it in life to enjoy the struggle within me to be point blank with my changing moods about the unchangeable. Were it not for that I would have given up on my personal relationship with the God of my understanding. I must, I still have questions and I suspect I always will.
And God already knows!
If I had not attend to the brew of eyeball to eyeball interlude with God I would have gone ballistic, so ballistic that even God would have run for cover; so it was that, or agreeing to just address those magnitude of questions directly. I mean if children can write to Santa with such pure innocence and trust why can’t I communicate with God with such pure intent. Imagine giving God ultimatum that’s not just gutsy- it was inevitable were I to totally accept and surrender to God. If that what is called narcissist’s behaviour or that part of me that I skipped four decades ago that insist on getting some attention before it bowed out of the attention stadium, tehn so be it. When life becomes so important, when what its claws reveal are fragility, fragileness and preciousness then I will grab life and hang on to it. This is serious business and at the same time a very delicate matter… this is no joke! Needless to say, my fighter’s spirit spread its fangs and hell retracted its claws so I approach divine chambers where God and I began what is fast becoming rewarding and raw reality- uncut.
Looking back I saw ahead scenes that nudged me to move along and then I turn to move forward and was not sure which way was forward or behind- was I mesmerized. I felt so stuck moving at full speed. It wasn’t funny! I let that whirlwind did whatever it wanted- of course I cursed it for pining me down and pleaded it to do whatever it had to do and hurry up and get on with it so I can begin to get over it. I did not think I had it in me to be so livid that I walk miles and not even know it – walking miles in the middle of the night. That was better than pillow punching. I was frightened and relieved when discharged from the anger’s grip- glad it was over.. it took a long time and it was over before I knew it. Dissolved and rendered harmless that’s when fear stopped provoking to fuel my anxiety. I was very afraid of the consequences of releasing my sincere doubt of after life, of God, of everything. I was clinging on to the tip of the branch of agnotism and the edge of ad finitum ready to shake hands with the creator. Torn between a moment of boldness and split seconds of trepidation. No amount of planning could have prepared me for this close encounter with spiritual feistiness. I could die with no one knowing my yoyo relationship with God and pray that no one finds out or I could just be straight with God on the matter. Tough call either way! Not being straight with God was more tragic and I was not about to risk fooling myself either that God would not find out. Who enjoys living like that!
So I knocked on heaven’s door; it was already open and so long as I live this is something I have no desire to defend. I made it in life to enjoy the struggle within me to be point blank with my changing moods about the unchangeable. Were it not for that I would have given up on my personal relationship with the God of my understanding. I must, I still have questions and I suspect I always will.
And God already knows!
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About Me
- Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis
- Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis legally arrived in Canada as a skilled immigrant- a Ministry of Labour and Citizenship Canada collaborative perk. Seeds of my interest to attain increase academic accolades while I search for meaning of whole E living in a partial E Turn ET Realm birth opportunity. As time progress and high honours grades flourished this aim diminished importance to my spirit. Soul lifelong reason to have risen ignited my innersense. This posed many risks to sanity and sanctity. My Self determined inner oyster decided that I need to transform every obstacle that interfere with sustainable value of its heart currency that can never develop in a commemorative mint. Trusting my innocent intelligence wisdom endow me with continue to fruitfully multiply. Ah! Invisible Intelligence dissolved missed crystal-clear certainty and induced mastered unpredicted uncertainty. I enjoy each instant that source and its resource offer to an astutely attune align actualize androgen genuine genius genes is fueling willingness to celebrate childlikeness confidence to coeurperate with Life, its situations and opulent options in a human flesh blood sentience earth vessel