Extreme Faith: setting the tone for the rest of my life

Dear God

The struggle to overcome losing my mind is raging like an earthquake measuring '50' on the Richter scale. I know that you are carrying me- after all no human strength can protect me or anyone else for that matter, from life's tempest.

I have a lot of faith to trust that you are shielding me and I am almost ready to admit that you have taken over the battle- then and again you constantly remind me that the battle is yours so I back off and this is the most solacing move I make and conversely it is that choice which is the most nerve wrecking.

And then all kinds of questions, yes, myriads of question dialogue with doubt about God and they use my mind as the battleground.

Does that make sense to you, God?

Then please share with me your ways of overcoming these feelings that your truth is not farfetched. I so want to continue believing that you God have set me free to choose life; yet, I feel that the road less traveled is a choice that keeps me feeling like I made a serious mistake when I chose you, God.

I have made a whole lot of progress in defining my concept of you, God, and that decision is very consoling as I continue to transform my mind and create my own idea and belief of who you are. Please, please, God hang in there with me as I continue to decipher and shred the false notion of you. These myths of who you are seem to the hardest brain cells to reprogram... so help me God!

Thank you for the events that seem to be taking me back in time so I can readdress the phony description of you, OmniGod.

Promise me that you will help me to see your purpose in every joy, challenge, broken dreams- that’s if they are broken- whatever you choose to remove, repair, restore, replace or sever, strengthen, sooth and save; I accept your deal for I believe you know what you are doing and why.

I feel that even though I seem to be brashing you, I am nowhere close to turning my back away from you or even entertaining the thought of letting you off my sight. So I am holding my end of my promise, come hell or high water. If anything I will hold you hostage until you answer all my prayers- I know you will so I will release you from the cage in my mental faculty in order for you to complete the work you started. I surrender to you… like I have learnt: when I am weak you are strong!

So it is!