When everything that I ever believed to be true turned out to be lies, and half-truths I thought I would die before I would restore my trust in… in, in what… I honestly had no clue. Even God was a lie and myself that self that I spent years constructing according to this volumes and volumes of people's perception of what is, was also a lie, a very big lie. The worse part was the tainted truth; because, it almost took me all of my days to identify the part that is true... and so I almost, almost dismissed myself. Since I no longer wanted to live in a constant state of confusion I decided to seek my own truth and move on, believing that ultimately the whole truth will be revealed as God intends.
Severing the connection between my God self and its rival the imagined illusions of self has been an ongoing feud.
There are times when I thought I was fighting a losing battle each time I came this close to succumbing to the temptation to dismiss my birthright. Deep within me there was this determination to pursue divinity as I continued to chase away the fury of voice of defeat.
Sometime the heat of the arguments was so intense that I gave in to the treacherous attack of the old way of coping in heat of battle. Granted the persistent of the spirit of control to run my life and dictate what I should and shouldn’t be, appeased. I used this strategy to get them off guard and then WHAM I would kick them out.
But one day I decide to stop fighting fire with fire and miraculously the war ceased. I realized that the more energy and attention I furiously devoted to trapping my emotion, denying and drowning my inkling to give myself permission to be myself, the more futile the torment. Toxicity began to fester as I continued to feed the fear of dealing with my feelings, ideas and visions of my life lay latent inside of me.
I suppose all this time God was patiently teaching me that surrendering does not mean weakness or failure or evidence of being a nobody.
I plan to keep that in my consciousness. As the roots of the tree burrows deep into the core of the earth for nourishment so I dig deep down into my well to the place where God provides life-sustaining stuff for my soul, body and mind.
Just as the roots become more firmly embedded into the earth’s core so I become more grounded in the confidence that God will always keep me strong. This is the lesson I have learnt as I look at the giant trees that stand tall and steadfast after a storm.
Trusting myself to write my own story according to Gods’ script was the hardest goal on my list… and I did it!
Now I have to continue trusting myself to write my story according to God’s imprint upon my heart!
Everything else will fall in line!
I wonder if that is what scripture means by ‘seeking first the kingdom of God and everything else will be given unto you’. Well this is my interpretation of scripture as it speaks to me, personally.
Severing the connection between my God self and its rival the imagined illusions of self has been an ongoing feud.
There are times when I thought I was fighting a losing battle each time I came this close to succumbing to the temptation to dismiss my birthright. Deep within me there was this determination to pursue divinity as I continued to chase away the fury of voice of defeat.
Sometime the heat of the arguments was so intense that I gave in to the treacherous attack of the old way of coping in heat of battle. Granted the persistent of the spirit of control to run my life and dictate what I should and shouldn’t be, appeased. I used this strategy to get them off guard and then WHAM I would kick them out.
But one day I decide to stop fighting fire with fire and miraculously the war ceased. I realized that the more energy and attention I furiously devoted to trapping my emotion, denying and drowning my inkling to give myself permission to be myself, the more futile the torment. Toxicity began to fester as I continued to feed the fear of dealing with my feelings, ideas and visions of my life lay latent inside of me.
I suppose all this time God was patiently teaching me that surrendering does not mean weakness or failure or evidence of being a nobody.
I plan to keep that in my consciousness. As the roots of the tree burrows deep into the core of the earth for nourishment so I dig deep down into my well to the place where God provides life-sustaining stuff for my soul, body and mind.
Just as the roots become more firmly embedded into the earth’s core so I become more grounded in the confidence that God will always keep me strong. This is the lesson I have learnt as I look at the giant trees that stand tall and steadfast after a storm.
Trusting myself to write my own story according to Gods’ script was the hardest goal on my list… and I did it!
Now I have to continue trusting myself to write my story according to God’s imprint upon my heart!
Everything else will fall in line!
I wonder if that is what scripture means by ‘seeking first the kingdom of God and everything else will be given unto you’. Well this is my interpretation of scripture as it speaks to me, personally.
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