The largest insurance empires, policy makers and their enforcers are about to be no more. The government and its subsidiary, the corporate business world, are this close to falling in the bottomless pit that they have been digging for its alleged victims.
One of God’s commandments is thou shall not steal, even when it is done cleverly.
No more will the government steal the first portion of another’s daily labour.
Unfair wages in return for one’s fruitful labour is purgatory
Thou shall have no other God: “Distracting people from their real and only source of lifetime guarantee to care for their needs is impersonation of God and that is sacrilege and God dishonours it.
Making civil laws to replace God's is a sin unto him and he will not have any more of this! Even to infringe on human rights and freedoms as outlined by the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedom for all Canadians is disobedience to God's command to " Do unto others as you would like to have done unto you". These civil laws are really disclaimers, cunningly put in place, to exempt the real culprits of the crime from being accountable for their charges. God is a just God and he sees and knows all things.
Hear Ye! Hear Ye! All People are inheritors of God’s Kingdom.
Here’s the truth
God is not asleep; the day is coming when those who sowed in tears and toil reap God’s pay and weeping and grinding of teeth of the wicked.
Micah 6: 9-14 proclaims what he has in store for the oppressor:
“ It is wise to fear the Lord. He calls out the city. “Listen, you people who assemble in the city! In the houses of evil people are treasures which they got dishonestly. They use false measures, a thing that I hate. How can I forgive those who use false scales and weights? Your rich people exploit the poor, and all of you are liars. So I have already begun your ruin and destruction because of your sins. You will eat, but not be satisfied-in fact you will still be hungry. You will carry things off, but you will not be able to save them; anything you so save I will destroy in war you will sow grain but you will not harvest the crop. You will press oil from olives but will never get to use it. You will make wine but never drink it.”
Micah 7:8-10 proclaims what he has in store for the oppressed:
Our enemies have no reason to gloat over us. We have fallen, but we will rise again. We are in darkens now, but the Lord will give us light. We have sinned against the Lord, so now we must endure his anger for a while. But in the end he will defend us and right the wrong that have been done to us. He will bring us out to the light; we will live to see him save us. Then our enemies will see this and be disgraced- the same enemies who taunted us by asking, “ Where is the Lord your God?” We will see them defeated, trampled down like mud in the streets.
Habakkuk complained to the Lord and this is what the Lord replied: “I am going to do something that you will not believe when you hear about it. Habakkuk 1: 5b
Later on when he again complained to God; God replied to him: “Write down clearly on tablets what I revealed to you, so it can be read at a glance. Put it in writing because it is not yet time to come true. But the time is coming quickly, and what I show you will come true. It may seem slow in coming, but wait for it; it will certainly take place, and it will not be delayed. And this is the message: ‘Those who are evil will not survive, but those who are righteous will live because they are faithful to God.’” Habakkuk 2:2-4
The great day of the Lord is near- very near and coming fast! That day will be bitter, for even the bravest soldiers will cry out in despair! Zephaniah 1: 14. “The Lord will reduce the gods of the earth to nothing, and then every nation will worship him, each in its own land. Zephaniah 2: 11
Scipture verses cited from: The Good News Bible the American Bible Society, New York, New York
December 25, 2006
December 23, 2006
Personal Growth
What a task it was to know who I am. I no longer want to be defined by another’s idea of who I should be. Challenging the false notion of who I am and its disquieting comfort of its familiarity meant giving up the dread of ‘what if” when I give up its security. That was a wrestling match that I thought would never ease. The risk this holy struggle involved came with a price tag that is worth my ultimate reward- inner freedom and a peace that no amount of temporal wealth can purchase and a lesson I shall not forget-God doesn’t allow anyone to write the script of another’s life.
Now that I can identify with God, I can stop running away from myself and instead romance with my newfound lover… my self. . I no longer spend all my time constructing God. Instead, I enjoy an intimate relationship with God. Phew! I thought that was a farfetched goal but it was just a matter of time.
December 22, 2006
Social Spankings
The more I look around the more I see the fingerprints of long-term damaging side effects of a crime that is supposedly plastered on parenting. I am not in anyway saying or implying that neglect and punishment of children, or anyone for that matter, is warranted. I am a firm believes of discipline-not punishment.
The TTC advertising the Ministry of Health posters is putting the truth aside for a few political dollars. What’ up with that?
I have been mauling over the source of the cycle of violence in today’s standard of living and I am inundated with reasons. I continue to work towards the best solution that I know is very possible and feasible to end the blaming game that the misinformation which social policy implants in the their guidelines, mission statements and advertisements that are no more helpful than a sign that leads one astray or a forty page disclaimer.
December 21, 2006
The truth behind the DSMIV… DSMIV amended
Ever allowed yourself to be not so busy being busy so you can have time to really examine the DSMIV?
If your answer to this not trick question is, " what is she talking about", well it worked! The devil’s missile is what the DSMIV is...a weapon that is cleverly hidden in a medical scabbard. It is designed to work along side the laws designed by those in political, corporate, and religious power. The good news is that once it is seen for what it really is, it can be used for bringing out the pre-eminent in us.
It’s targets are those who with mental disorders. Yah right! That is what they want the ones a quest to reclaim their authentic self which got lost in the tangles of giving in to soul eaters, to buy into. But we are smarter than that… way too intelligent! And that is why they are trying to weed us out lest we expose them for what they really are… the devils’ advocates.
Instead of facing their monster they want others to join their clan to save them from their wretchedness. Their vicious cycle of greed and jealousy of us who dare face our truth… that we are more than what we allow ourselves to be fooled into thinking. Isn’t that the very qualities that tossed Lucifer into his darkness, his hell?
The aim of the destroyers who created this DSMIV is to make us believe that we are nuts and reinforce that belief by saying that we are permanently stuck (with them). This is what ultimately leads to suicide as the only way out, that is, unless you comply with their demands and wishes. . These same murderers (not necessarily, the killers) provoke the thoughts of suicide by convincing us to manifest their facts. That was the devil’s technique when he realized that Jesus was about to finish him up, remember?
Read on!
To know your power is to know God and that terrorizes the ones who sold their birthright. It is not too late to reclaim it though, but this is going to take a lot of wrestling with the evilness that coveted and quenched the zeal for holiness.
Once I thought this through, I lost it! I really lost it! That’s when I saw my self, staring back at me. That’s when I came in touch with my holiness. That was so ecstatic, it scared the living darkness out of me and the sleeper awoke. My wondering self stopped wandering and almost seven years after this book of judgement was used to finish me off, it accomplished the very opposite. This is no testimony of my grandiose and conversely this is just what it is. I am one with my most true being and I have every right to acclaim and proclaim this truth without fear or shame. Hallelujah!
For those of us who overcame the war waged against our soul, it’s time that we all reclaim the term crazy, whacko, lunatics and whatever else they call champion us on to help those who are willing to help themselves. And so it is!
If your answer to this not trick question is, " what is she talking about", well it worked! The devil’s missile is what the DSMIV is...a weapon that is cleverly hidden in a medical scabbard. It is designed to work along side the laws designed by those in political, corporate, and religious power. The good news is that once it is seen for what it really is, it can be used for bringing out the pre-eminent in us.
It’s targets are those who with mental disorders. Yah right! That is what they want the ones a quest to reclaim their authentic self which got lost in the tangles of giving in to soul eaters, to buy into. But we are smarter than that… way too intelligent! And that is why they are trying to weed us out lest we expose them for what they really are… the devils’ advocates.
Instead of facing their monster they want others to join their clan to save them from their wretchedness. Their vicious cycle of greed and jealousy of us who dare face our truth… that we are more than what we allow ourselves to be fooled into thinking. Isn’t that the very qualities that tossed Lucifer into his darkness, his hell?
The aim of the destroyers who created this DSMIV is to make us believe that we are nuts and reinforce that belief by saying that we are permanently stuck (with them). This is what ultimately leads to suicide as the only way out, that is, unless you comply with their demands and wishes. . These same murderers (not necessarily, the killers) provoke the thoughts of suicide by convincing us to manifest their facts. That was the devil’s technique when he realized that Jesus was about to finish him up, remember?
Read on!
To know your power is to know God and that terrorizes the ones who sold their birthright. It is not too late to reclaim it though, but this is going to take a lot of wrestling with the evilness that coveted and quenched the zeal for holiness.
Once I thought this through, I lost it! I really lost it! That’s when I saw my self, staring back at me. That’s when I came in touch with my holiness. That was so ecstatic, it scared the living darkness out of me and the sleeper awoke. My wondering self stopped wandering and almost seven years after this book of judgement was used to finish me off, it accomplished the very opposite. This is no testimony of my grandiose and conversely this is just what it is. I am one with my most true being and I have every right to acclaim and proclaim this truth without fear or shame. Hallelujah!
For those of us who overcame the war waged against our soul, it’s time that we all reclaim the term crazy, whacko, lunatics and whatever else they call champion us on to help those who are willing to help themselves. And so it is!
December 20, 2006
source figures
Very saucy
I have spent so many years working on identifying the origin of the source that supplied me with evidence that warranted my thinking invalid.
I never really felt enough close family bonding to attach to the ingrained beliefs. Somehow I mistakenly felt this was the source responsible for attending to my God-bestowed endowment. Talk about baffled. To say the least, I could not make any sense of the nonsense that swirled in my mind.
I have to say that the baby did not go out with the bath water. Had they not provided the opportunity to be sceptical about a God who one minute was pleased with me, and in another is ready to strike me down- a God who would never forsake me was about to punish me and even finish me off, I would have stop thinking and ended up in an asylum waiting for that fateful day. I by-passed them and lashed out directly to this God and years later I have to admit it was a case of misidentity. I was attacking the wrong God! The quiet debate waged havoc.
Daydreaming became a creative tactic method of thinking for myself. In so doing, no one could assault what was really going on in my mind, or was it my heart or soul, perhaps all of the above. Anyway, after many sleepy days and mind-boggling nights with the zombie and much deep questions that erupted in my skull, I recognized the source. It was years of brainwashing religion and legalism. Ironically, the source that was supposedly responsible for taking me straight to God, heaven, or if all else fails, Purgatory or maybe straight to hell. Often enough God and the devil seem one and the same. It is very frightening to even begin to imagine the damage that this organized cult is doing. So who would have suspect or how many dare question God’s authority! It will take a lot of convincing and a lot of inner conflict and some may rather die than to risk reclaiming themselves. But there are those who at great cost, take on the necessary action to see the powerless as just that… coward liars and false prophets.
I had to see this for myself, and is it any wonder so many people dread facing their inner essence? Daring to embrace and truly find God is made to seem like too much hard work and to some extent, a ridicule.
I am glad that he knows my heart and so happy that I risk having the many fights that I had with Omnipotence. I am not supposed to question God, the God who endowed me with a trailer load of question to satisfy my curiosity and immense my wonder is threatening to deprive me the choice of safely fuelling soul. And to imagine that I almost gave that up. Oh my!
I often consider the church’s role in all the autoimmune and incurable diseases that seem to be purgatory even before death. Think of it… the body is wasting away even before life is no more. And the other systematically constructed soul wrenchers- the collective government, fails to recognize that when God gave them authority he never told them that he demoted himself to them or made his Law echoed in Matthew 7:12 “Treat others as you would love to be treated”, obsolete. One is demanding ten percent of what’s left after the other have taken first cut, even before God had a chance to bless and increase our harvest. As if that is not enough they have the share holding powers of the drug companies and so many little murders go on as a result. In the last few decades it has escalated to secret genocides of the masses in ways too unspeakable to fathom. I look at all these things and I think “ this devil- cunning as the one who fed the apple to Eve.
It is so crucial that individuals begin to realize the real culprits that cause havocs is their lack of self-responsibility to think for themselves. The more we rely on others truth, the more gullible we make ourselves as we throw our power to these source figures. It’s like doing just what Matthew 7 verse 6 warns us not to do: “Give not that which is holy unto dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.”
God has not made any mistake in placing these stumps on our path and it is not to intimidate us but rather they are the catalyst to empower ourselves. All these dogmas, doctrines and in the case of the government their legal statutes are designed to manipulate Gods’ plan and an attempt to break mankind and rob us of the right to think, question and exercise our God-given human rights to freedom and to trap us into blaming God for our helplessness. Remember how the serpent got Adam and Eve? Compliance is a strategic ploy to deceive one into assuming loyalty, obedience and allegiance to gods instead of God. By complying with human laws and heresy, one is in effect, giving up choice to life and human rights in exchange for a life of fear and torture of manmade hell … go figure!
I have spent so many years working on identifying the origin of the source that supplied me with evidence that warranted my thinking invalid.
I never really felt enough close family bonding to attach to the ingrained beliefs. Somehow I mistakenly felt this was the source responsible for attending to my God-bestowed endowment. Talk about baffled. To say the least, I could not make any sense of the nonsense that swirled in my mind.
I have to say that the baby did not go out with the bath water. Had they not provided the opportunity to be sceptical about a God who one minute was pleased with me, and in another is ready to strike me down- a God who would never forsake me was about to punish me and even finish me off, I would have stop thinking and ended up in an asylum waiting for that fateful day. I by-passed them and lashed out directly to this God and years later I have to admit it was a case of misidentity. I was attacking the wrong God! The quiet debate waged havoc.
Daydreaming became a creative tactic method of thinking for myself. In so doing, no one could assault what was really going on in my mind, or was it my heart or soul, perhaps all of the above. Anyway, after many sleepy days and mind-boggling nights with the zombie and much deep questions that erupted in my skull, I recognized the source. It was years of brainwashing religion and legalism. Ironically, the source that was supposedly responsible for taking me straight to God, heaven, or if all else fails, Purgatory or maybe straight to hell. Often enough God and the devil seem one and the same. It is very frightening to even begin to imagine the damage that this organized cult is doing. So who would have suspect or how many dare question God’s authority! It will take a lot of convincing and a lot of inner conflict and some may rather die than to risk reclaiming themselves. But there are those who at great cost, take on the necessary action to see the powerless as just that… coward liars and false prophets.
I had to see this for myself, and is it any wonder so many people dread facing their inner essence? Daring to embrace and truly find God is made to seem like too much hard work and to some extent, a ridicule.
I am glad that he knows my heart and so happy that I risk having the many fights that I had with Omnipotence. I am not supposed to question God, the God who endowed me with a trailer load of question to satisfy my curiosity and immense my wonder is threatening to deprive me the choice of safely fuelling soul. And to imagine that I almost gave that up. Oh my!
I often consider the church’s role in all the autoimmune and incurable diseases that seem to be purgatory even before death. Think of it… the body is wasting away even before life is no more. And the other systematically constructed soul wrenchers- the collective government, fails to recognize that when God gave them authority he never told them that he demoted himself to them or made his Law echoed in Matthew 7:12 “Treat others as you would love to be treated”, obsolete. One is demanding ten percent of what’s left after the other have taken first cut, even before God had a chance to bless and increase our harvest. As if that is not enough they have the share holding powers of the drug companies and so many little murders go on as a result. In the last few decades it has escalated to secret genocides of the masses in ways too unspeakable to fathom. I look at all these things and I think “ this devil- cunning as the one who fed the apple to Eve.
It is so crucial that individuals begin to realize the real culprits that cause havocs is their lack of self-responsibility to think for themselves. The more we rely on others truth, the more gullible we make ourselves as we throw our power to these source figures. It’s like doing just what Matthew 7 verse 6 warns us not to do: “Give not that which is holy unto dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.”
God has not made any mistake in placing these stumps on our path and it is not to intimidate us but rather they are the catalyst to empower ourselves. All these dogmas, doctrines and in the case of the government their legal statutes are designed to manipulate Gods’ plan and an attempt to break mankind and rob us of the right to think, question and exercise our God-given human rights to freedom and to trap us into blaming God for our helplessness. Remember how the serpent got Adam and Eve? Compliance is a strategic ploy to deceive one into assuming loyalty, obedience and allegiance to gods instead of God. By complying with human laws and heresy, one is in effect, giving up choice to life and human rights in exchange for a life of fear and torture of manmade hell … go figure!
December 19, 2006
Today’s headline- a remake of yesterday’s news!
Re-enactments of everyday events seem to be the daily specials served by the media.
Believing what is written in black and white have many times made me want to render myself helpless and frustrated yet it also can and does encourage me to see beyond what is served by the media and its cohorts- the government.
For instance there is supposedly only so much resources and help to assist people to live a wholesome life…. Really! Then why are so many citizens and taxpayers falling through the social safety net and plunge to the vault of despair, because of some guideline that makes them ineligible for the very service that is in place to help them better themselves and not be a strain on the system.
This social system is something else or rather the way the macrosytem designed it’s legislation really proves their true intention… to make the system not work or not work as effective practically as the theoretical the act outlines. In other words justice/fairness to all is not the goal.
And the media take great pleasure in reinforcing the state of fear and panic by directing the focus on what's seem to be wrong and the supposing causes! Then and again, I should not be too surprised in the way the events of life are reported because the government has the majority holding of the media and the wealthy hold most of what is left. The minority, which conversely is the majority of Canadians are left to recycle the trash.Go Figure!
So I continue to practise reading and listening to the same old news with fresh perception and then I continue to glide through life’s storms- peacefully.
Believing what is written in black and white have many times made me want to render myself helpless and frustrated yet it also can and does encourage me to see beyond what is served by the media and its cohorts- the government.
For instance there is supposedly only so much resources and help to assist people to live a wholesome life…. Really! Then why are so many citizens and taxpayers falling through the social safety net and plunge to the vault of despair, because of some guideline that makes them ineligible for the very service that is in place to help them better themselves and not be a strain on the system.
This social system is something else or rather the way the macrosytem designed it’s legislation really proves their true intention… to make the system not work or not work as effective practically as the theoretical the act outlines. In other words justice/fairness to all is not the goal.
And the media take great pleasure in reinforcing the state of fear and panic by directing the focus on what's seem to be wrong and the supposing causes! Then and again, I should not be too surprised in the way the events of life are reported because the government has the majority holding of the media and the wealthy hold most of what is left. The minority, which conversely is the majority of Canadians are left to recycle the trash.Go Figure!
So I continue to practise reading and listening to the same old news with fresh perception and then I continue to glide through life’s storms- peacefully.
December 18, 2006
Purgatory
Purgatory
As long as the ministry that represents internal and external affairs take pleasure in initiating the trance of conditioning the mind and body, purgatory seem real, very really scare that weakens the spirit of loving, power and sound reasoning- endowment from God-II Timothy: 7
The hypnosis used to bind the mind and body can never last forever and so, purgatory and striving hold unto force only in the absence of spirit’s power- freeing one’s self from this cooperative corporation restores equilibrium of mind, body, spirit and, heaven and hell serves their rightful purpose on earth.
Fear purgatory-invite its illusionist to run the show and create and wreak havoc
Fear God-invite its truth to run the show and restore purposeful living
It’s like choosing to trade sorrow for joy; slavery for liberty; existing for dying; trappings and belongings for the fruits of the spirit, allowing it to tame the mind and itself becomes widely available upon OmniGod cue…
As long as the ministry that represents internal and external affairs take pleasure in initiating the trance of conditioning the mind and body, purgatory seem real, very really scare that weakens the spirit of loving, power and sound reasoning- endowment from God-II Timothy: 7
The hypnosis used to bind the mind and body can never last forever and so, purgatory and striving hold unto force only in the absence of spirit’s power- freeing one’s self from this cooperative corporation restores equilibrium of mind, body, spirit and, heaven and hell serves their rightful purpose on earth.
Fear purgatory-invite its illusionist to run the show and create and wreak havoc
Fear God-invite its truth to run the show and restore purposeful living
It’s like choosing to trade sorrow for joy; slavery for liberty; existing for dying; trappings and belongings for the fruits of the spirit, allowing it to tame the mind and itself becomes widely available upon OmniGod cue…
December 11, 2006
Seeing with fresh eyes
Being blind to the benefits of everyday trials was the worst tragedy I have experienced. I missed many leads on ways to be my best and teaching aids that were meant to assist me with my personal growth.
The choice of living life obliviously was hard work with no intrinsic reward much like pushing a truck up hill with its brake on. Avoiding the pain of embarking on attaining my full potential was a crime to my sanity.
Wait!
All’s not lost…I can not make up for lost time but going forward, I can make each moment fruitful. It requires lot of self-discipline and commitment to stick with it but the rewards so far are overwhelmingly greater than I can explain and I imagine that it can only keep getting better!
I did not begin with the best approach to self-determine behaviour but at least I did something to start the process and I have no desire to return to the “burying my head in the sand” mentality. I continue to plough along the road that leads to conscious living. I fall along the way, make no mistake about that but each time I fall I get back up as soon as possible. Sometimes I cry, I even grumble and wished for an easy way out. I often remind myself of the consequences of the easy way out- giving up on my zest for living my life, as I know I can. That was often enough to put me back on track.
The thing I have noticed it that the more I commit myself to the process the more painful the realities that confront me. Dealing with them is the only way out on the road less travelled. It can be a very solitary trek but it is a journey worth exploring!
The choice of living life obliviously was hard work with no intrinsic reward much like pushing a truck up hill with its brake on. Avoiding the pain of embarking on attaining my full potential was a crime to my sanity.
Wait!
All’s not lost…I can not make up for lost time but going forward, I can make each moment fruitful. It requires lot of self-discipline and commitment to stick with it but the rewards so far are overwhelmingly greater than I can explain and I imagine that it can only keep getting better!
I did not begin with the best approach to self-determine behaviour but at least I did something to start the process and I have no desire to return to the “burying my head in the sand” mentality. I continue to plough along the road that leads to conscious living. I fall along the way, make no mistake about that but each time I fall I get back up as soon as possible. Sometimes I cry, I even grumble and wished for an easy way out. I often remind myself of the consequences of the easy way out- giving up on my zest for living my life, as I know I can. That was often enough to put me back on track.
The thing I have noticed it that the more I commit myself to the process the more painful the realities that confront me. Dealing with them is the only way out on the road less travelled. It can be a very solitary trek but it is a journey worth exploring!
December 07, 2006
The value of self-assessment
My desire to remain authentic is more important than to live up to a reputation that would gain me brownie points and acceptance that are way beyond reach or what God is concerned with.
That’s why I am so glad that the things that God looks at my inner self. Knowing and accepting that has really liberated me to believe in and remain true to myself. I do not have to put on any performance for God or for those who respect and or accept who I am without placing any criteria. That is worth living for!
" It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe."
Proverbs 29: 25- The Good News Bible
That’s why I am so glad that the things that God looks at my inner self. Knowing and accepting that has really liberated me to believe in and remain true to myself. I do not have to put on any performance for God or for those who respect and or accept who I am without placing any criteria. That is worth living for!
" It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe."
Proverbs 29: 25- The Good News Bible
December 05, 2006
A fresh wave of holy fear
Shuddering in the wave of facing people and situations that appear to be bigger than me used to be, for a very long time, first reaction.
I used to feel so crippled at the thought of daring myself to take a good look at the source of fear to see if it were even real. So many shadows have scared me to near death and that caused me to hide my courage and the size of the fight in me.
In the last few years that had begun to change.
At first when I used to talk about my distress and discuss ways to resolve what was causing it, I came across very wild and primitive. What was supposed to be an amicable dialogue turned out into what seemed to be a ferocious attack. Where did that come from? I was so scared of myself that I had vowed to never again express myself or to address issues or engage in any disputes or stand up for something that I strongly believed.
I spent many years praying to never have any confrontation or be in any predicament where I have to speak up. It was as though God did not understand what I was saying. The opportunities to do just what I was praying not to ever have to do just kept aiming at me like darts. The result... I almost ran into hiding from myself. That ultimately led to unattended needs, missed lessons, stunted personal growth and a build up of toxic emotions.
Until one day a holy fear awakened in me- the condition was diagnosed as bipolar/manic depression and shizophrenia. I have come to the point of accepting that there was inner conflict that waged a war from within and caused it to spill without. I rebuffed what medical experts tried to make me believe. Eventually I refused their diagnosis and treatment after spending much time with God analyzing what was really going on inside me. I did so until I finally understood his definition of mental illness- God’s diagnosis of lack of self-love, self-acceptance, self-respect,self esteem and self-determination.
Today, in spite of the nervousness of being misunderstood, I state what I feel, need and want. Am I glad that I never gave up after the first attempt of expressing myself!
Another gift redeveloped from all that. Decades ago I was at a point in my life when I had stopped talking. Thanks to pen and paper I began writing what I was afraid to say as well as what I was feeling. Now I have a collection of poems that unfolded from those moments of solitude.
Today, I know that the only fear that is exceptional and normal is the fear of God and that kind of fear does not mean to be afraid of. God expects us to experience a holy fear. He expects us to reverence him, not be afraid of him. That wave of holy fear has brought about a whole new dynamism in my authenticity with God and myself.
And that is all that matters!
I used to feel so crippled at the thought of daring myself to take a good look at the source of fear to see if it were even real. So many shadows have scared me to near death and that caused me to hide my courage and the size of the fight in me.
In the last few years that had begun to change.
At first when I used to talk about my distress and discuss ways to resolve what was causing it, I came across very wild and primitive. What was supposed to be an amicable dialogue turned out into what seemed to be a ferocious attack. Where did that come from? I was so scared of myself that I had vowed to never again express myself or to address issues or engage in any disputes or stand up for something that I strongly believed.
I spent many years praying to never have any confrontation or be in any predicament where I have to speak up. It was as though God did not understand what I was saying. The opportunities to do just what I was praying not to ever have to do just kept aiming at me like darts. The result... I almost ran into hiding from myself. That ultimately led to unattended needs, missed lessons, stunted personal growth and a build up of toxic emotions.
Until one day a holy fear awakened in me- the condition was diagnosed as bipolar/manic depression and shizophrenia. I have come to the point of accepting that there was inner conflict that waged a war from within and caused it to spill without. I rebuffed what medical experts tried to make me believe. Eventually I refused their diagnosis and treatment after spending much time with God analyzing what was really going on inside me. I did so until I finally understood his definition of mental illness- God’s diagnosis of lack of self-love, self-acceptance, self-respect,self esteem and self-determination.
Today, in spite of the nervousness of being misunderstood, I state what I feel, need and want. Am I glad that I never gave up after the first attempt of expressing myself!
Another gift redeveloped from all that. Decades ago I was at a point in my life when I had stopped talking. Thanks to pen and paper I began writing what I was afraid to say as well as what I was feeling. Now I have a collection of poems that unfolded from those moments of solitude.
Today, I know that the only fear that is exceptional and normal is the fear of God and that kind of fear does not mean to be afraid of. God expects us to experience a holy fear. He expects us to reverence him, not be afraid of him. That wave of holy fear has brought about a whole new dynamism in my authenticity with God and myself.
And that is all that matters!
December 03, 2006
My first poetry reading opportunity
This is only a glimpse of what God can do with my ouchy moments. As Ecclesiastes proclaimed, “ there’s a time for everything”. Today I attended my first The Ontario Poetry Society poetry event and reading at which time I shared three of my poems with fellow poets. As a TOPS member, I was invited to join one of the branches within TOPS which meet monthly for poetry reading and critiquing as well as discussing opportunities to publish chapbook as a group.
I look forward to presenting my work to the group and to the world!
I look forward to presenting my work to the group and to the world!
December 02, 2006
Upcoming Poetry Fest
Reading my poems at a formal event is a dream come true.
The butterflies keep reminding me of the nervousness but the excitement continues to keep apprehension into perspective. My loved ones are cheering me on and I can feel a surge of confidence each time I practise the ones I have chosen to read tomorrow.
This opportunity came through after a poetry submission opened to non-members of The Ontario Poetry Society. I was later contacted to become a member. I recognized this as the door to promote and ultimately market my production and so I graciously walked through it.
I know that this is the beginning of the continuation of the publishing process so I remain optimistic that it will manifest in God’s time.
The butterflies keep reminding me of the nervousness but the excitement continues to keep apprehension into perspective. My loved ones are cheering me on and I can feel a surge of confidence each time I practise the ones I have chosen to read tomorrow.
This opportunity came through after a poetry submission opened to non-members of The Ontario Poetry Society. I was later contacted to become a member. I recognized this as the door to promote and ultimately market my production and so I graciously walked through it.
I know that this is the beginning of the continuation of the publishing process so I remain optimistic that it will manifest in God’s time.
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