The temptation to choose restless listlessness instead of conscious awareness was driving me into the arms of impatience and this is always disquieting. It is like I fell off nature’s training bike just when I was gaining momentum. Why is that, I asked OmniGod? There was no response except for what felt like my energy just zapped out and I could not care whether day had changed to night or night was keeping watch over me.
I also noticed that my knapsack or rather, sarcophagus of buried, unfelt, unacknowledged, unaccepted emotions got fuller and fuller even after all that I have pulled out of it. Where did that come from and what is that doing there and whose is this? When will all this bruisers ever be fully addressed?
Anxiety was on the lookout, it knew that time would come- the time to reassess how much is still left to reach in, pick up, feel, accept and thank, yes thank! Express genuine gratitude for all that had been hiding in every cell of my body that is making me want to hide my face. Sometimes I can’t even talk because I feel like I will burst like over inflated balloons. Damn it, I do not even always know what to do. How do I deal with the monsters? All I can do at this point is sort through mine and leave the rest and remind myself that doing so is fair as I continue to choose to renew my vow to not take a single breath for granted. The trickle down effect is very draining and OmniGod knows I do not want to pass this on! Heck, I do not want it for myself!
This road I aim to travel seem to be much more bumpy than I bargained for. It’s as though I want to very much abandon the much-progressed distance I have trek. Some say the first step is the hardest and I am at a point where I beg to defer. I am very much inclined to say that every step is like the first until the last step, never mind that, it is after crossing the finish line and resting while I sleep with the vision of memories in my brain. I have a long way to go. I know scriptures say with the faith of a mustard seed I can say to any mountain to root up and fall in the ocean yet looking at the newness of life on the once naked and vulnerable trees, I say with shrill resignation and stubborn quietness that if these trees can endure then I too can also enjoy newness of the meaning of life and living- and leave the mountains where they are.
Thank you OmniGod for helping me deal with all my indignation and for releasing them harmlessly! Gratitude for the spirit of power, of love and of sound reasoning to help me remain self-responsible, dignified and sane
I also noticed that my knapsack or rather, sarcophagus of buried, unfelt, unacknowledged, unaccepted emotions got fuller and fuller even after all that I have pulled out of it. Where did that come from and what is that doing there and whose is this? When will all this bruisers ever be fully addressed?
Anxiety was on the lookout, it knew that time would come- the time to reassess how much is still left to reach in, pick up, feel, accept and thank, yes thank! Express genuine gratitude for all that had been hiding in every cell of my body that is making me want to hide my face. Sometimes I can’t even talk because I feel like I will burst like over inflated balloons. Damn it, I do not even always know what to do. How do I deal with the monsters? All I can do at this point is sort through mine and leave the rest and remind myself that doing so is fair as I continue to choose to renew my vow to not take a single breath for granted. The trickle down effect is very draining and OmniGod knows I do not want to pass this on! Heck, I do not want it for myself!
This road I aim to travel seem to be much more bumpy than I bargained for. It’s as though I want to very much abandon the much-progressed distance I have trek. Some say the first step is the hardest and I am at a point where I beg to defer. I am very much inclined to say that every step is like the first until the last step, never mind that, it is after crossing the finish line and resting while I sleep with the vision of memories in my brain. I have a long way to go. I know scriptures say with the faith of a mustard seed I can say to any mountain to root up and fall in the ocean yet looking at the newness of life on the once naked and vulnerable trees, I say with shrill resignation and stubborn quietness that if these trees can endure then I too can also enjoy newness of the meaning of life and living- and leave the mountains where they are.
Thank you OmniGod for helping me deal with all my indignation and for releasing them harmlessly! Gratitude for the spirit of power, of love and of sound reasoning to help me remain self-responsible, dignified and sane
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