Patience...

... what would one do without the lesson of waiting... not idly waiting though.

It took four months before the fitness centre refunded me money that was withdrawn from my account after canceling membership.

I must say many times the duress of hounding these people for what is legally and rightfully mine left me wondering if it were worth it but in the same breath I would answer myself.. Yes it is and it is not because I would go to hell if I did not get it but the principle was too many times I let things roll by all because it requires to much effort to assert myself.

Well that more than getting the money back was biggest pay off... asserting myself.

According to Stevie Wonder..."big things a go on this year!" "tomorrows robin will sing and tomorrows blue jays will fly"

Out with the old

They don’t even work anymore so why hold on?

Wishing things to go away
Pray for problems to just disappear
Avoid confrontation or what I am really feeling.
Counterproductive escape.
Taking the wrong turn of the fork in the road.
Picking up people’s shit and cleaning up after them

I redeem my anger and deal with the calcified expressions of love and care.

My coping skills have already been showing marked growth as it reveals who I am. Who I knew I am for so long yet continued to deny.

I have to go against the nay saying circle as well as the comfort zone for they are the biggest enemy of achievement.

It is time to take a sabbatical. It is either that or keep cleaning up other people’s crap for them and die. I choose to walk away so they can clean up their mess themselves or sit in it and I can deal with mine. The time has come when I say enough!

I used to think that doing so would make me a bad person; selfish and uncaring but that could not have been further than the truth. Too many times I thought I landed on others wrong and did everything I could to make them feel better; the thing is nothing I did was enough to make up for the bruises which I have to realize was not even my doing. No wonder I feared that it would take my very breath to save some people and that I resented. After all that is what Jesus is there for, not me and I admit that I cannot rescue anyone. I needed help to save my self if I were to survive and survive is not my idea of living anyway. Until I was ready to allow God do his work and ask him for his healing I would have continued to go through incomplete cycles of action- a pattern that can break dreams and even bury them alive if I do not honour myself.

I have to put this superwoman to rest for good and not my will to live and be all God created me to be. Now I know that God never asked me to save or rescue anyone; that is for him to do. I step out of the way and let him take care of them as he knows best how to. I now appreciate all the chaos that channelled me to this moment when I can restore order in my life.

This is so great!
I can live my own life now… no more distraction.

Sweetness Salvation

Today was very restful. I needed to cooperate with the Universe during what seem like a very intense internal integration and adjustment that made me feel tired. Phew! When I allow the fullness of light to beam, the darkness gets frightened and surprised to see me digging in my dungeon bravely to claim all my PhD Wisdom that had been deposited in the cells of memory where they accrued while waiting to be accessed on withdrawal day Gifts of natural leadership exercised through roles of human mentoring and spirit teaching continue to harvest personal version of ascension into heaven and, psalm 23.

Perceived threat versus actual danger

When the mind is constantly fed a diet of panic and dreadful woes of death, fear literally zaps the zest of childlikeness trust of being in a safe world. The richer the fad diet the more epidemic the panic pandemic when news itself invites extreme terror to invade the mind. The brilliance of technology gone amok enhances images and surround sound to add to the effects of fright, gravity of sorrow, and need for reactivated trauma

I remember the freaking out frenzy of the Y2K alert of end of time and the irony of shoppers stocking up on food and emergency supplies. I suppose that would be necessary while waiting in line at St Peter’s layover enroute to the other side.

Meanwhile August 2004’s blackout waltzed in and there was no preparedness to herald its coming and what little food supply was available was near perished and emergency supply was inadequate to save lives relying on relief of air conditioning to avoid sweltering

I feel that less irrational fear and more prudence will save the day

Minding my P's and Q's

I don't know how much money and or services I have been bilked of but I can confidently say no more of that!

I do not take anything for granted or make light of being robbed. I have come to the realization and acceptance that scams are not an activity by illegal businesses but more so by the most renowned corporations.

I used to brush my gut feelings when I would call in with a billing inquiry and beat myself for not understanding this explanation of the bills and income statements and benefits plans and the tax man's information.

No wonder the disclaimers are getting longer and more complicated. No wonder they can boast of profit in the billions.

No more of this subtle robbers… enough of these little murders!

Insanely Normal

November 10, 2005

Happy Birthday

Another year crowned with many blessings
When doors and windows were opened wide
With occasions for holding on or letting go
And watching myself and others grow
T’was a year of great success you know
I am strengthened-
I welcome another year-
Of awareness.

Way To Go!

It is great to be alive
November 10, 2005
To celebrate this day
In a tremendous way
Birthday forty-one
Life is so much fun
I am having a ball
To celebrate it all

November 07, 2005

Half a loaf

Every drop of water added to the bucket brings it closer to overflowing... the bigger the bucket the longer it takes but when it reaches the brim it will be enough to make the drops look like the ocean.

I am glad that I proceeded to ask for help when I needed it and take it one step further in that I expected to receive it and I did!

Small as this $125.00 I received today may seem; it was more than enough to help cover my meals for a month.

I will never stop thanking God for those blessing... big but more especially the small ones that increase my faith and trust in knowing that all is well.

November 04, 2005

Trust the process

Challenge is mankind best friend
Because it forces him to look for answers in places he never dreamt
Comfort is his worst one’s foe
For it stands in the way of finding all he needs to know

Thank God for conquering my fears. I am grateful that he’s bigger than them and I do not need to stay scared. I’ll do my best; then take a rest.

Right now I need a nap so I’ll go hit the sack.