Healthy relationship's blooming

Sorry that I’ve had to ‘whack’ you for so long. Chasing you was beginning to get to me because as you know, that is not my style still I will do it when all else seem to not e enough to invigorate our passion; something I know that you really need and want from me and I did not want to wait until you were either on the brink of being too awry of me or when you were downright burnout from trying too hard to maintain our relationship.

The thing is, you already are where I need you to be; I just have a challenging time making you consistently believe me.

You have no idea… unscribe that- you know jolly well how much I want you to work on in my vineyard and I know how much you really want to. After all, I have set you aside for some pretty big gigs, you know; and, come what may, I will continue to send whatever I can to get your attention where I need it to be.

Come on Angeal-Eyes, I am head over heels for you!

My love for you is bigger than the ocean, wider than the sea. Tell me something Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis... tell me something… why do you suppose I made the sky so vast, eh? Why? Well I’ll tell you why. It is to show you how much I love you and if you think that the buck stops here, think again- because my love for you is stronger than mountains of life situations!

Everything about you

The way you smile
The way you speak
The way you laugh
Makes me so happy

The way you write
The way you walk
The way you sing
Makes me so happy

The way you dance
The way you comb your hair
The way you bond with me
Makes me so happy

Everything about you
Very, very good
Everything about you
Makes me so happy

I know for sure
Now and, forevermore
Life create Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis

Very, very good!

Absolutely nothing can change that fact. Do you get that, Angeal-Eyes?

A new sense of direction

I took on God’s offer very, very seriously. When God said “come follow me and I will show you how much better my payoff is” I turned the other way because I did not like God’s terms and conditions and did not want to suffer at God’s hands anymore than I felt that I already had and the dread of ending up in hell did not console me one bit.
Asking God to leave me alone each time God became too visible in my walks of life I dismissed God, still God would not stay way. I did not suffer at God’s hands but always why God did not do something before I abandoned God for good. God just kept ignoring me well then and again in hindsight I had to confess that this is what I asked God to do even though I was hoping that God would stop me from not giving God the chance to show me God Essence!
Many decades have passed on and that war was getting more and more brutal. Why I held on to God I know not all I can say is that was the lifeline that has me alive today.
I know that God clearly understand why I was doubtful of God being my best friend and lifelong partner and soul, sole provider... When God kept reminding me of the sparrows and even sent one to sing me a lullaby to gently put me back to sleep after an episode with the brain cell that wanted to remind me of all I have lost, I decided that was enough… so God kept me up enough nights to talk to me when I had no one to honestly talk to. I thought ghee God give me a break! I used to just read the bible even though I felt locking it up in the bookshelf!
Oh well all I can say is thank God for removing all the weed (false messages and beliefs) and replacing with wheat (God purpose) before more weeds grew in my mental garden.
Is it any wonder that while I did not intend to live singly al my life so far, I was not about to settle for less than God promised. Well after all this I may be deemed to be picky, fresh and grandiose; however more than ever I am looking for the someone God created to be vulnerable enough to wear his heart on his shoulder- all the time with me because this is all I have to offer- sincere, heartfelt love that has been tried, test and proven true by my Maker, God.
Is it any wonder that God is a jealous God and would not let anyone offer anything less that what God can and will offer and provide!
This is my offer, my only offer. Take it or leave it
Thank God for the lesson in authentic intimate relationship, God. I could have only that directly from God!

Shameless Surrender!

When my confidence was shaken, my faith became very brittle; still the desire to illuminate a passionate relationship with God consummated my being. I wondered about and pondered on the heart’s soldiering on to convince me to commit my life to God when I felt completely crushed- kaput. I had this felt sense that my breath did not need my body. Oooooh! was I livid with God… or maybe it was with myself… what’s the difference! There really was a point where it was hard to tell the difference…I guess it was because my faith was so ‘brittle’.

I want my body fully restored and if is it not one thing is another so what the heck. I know that this body is only as good as it outlast death and serve no real deal when breath returns to its blowing in the wind status. Until then I want to interact at gut level- heart to heart- one on one with the Almighty. This is serious business, soul wrenching and drenching business.

I poured out my hurts, revealed my feelings, confessing my booboos, disclosing my doubt, admitting my fears, acknowledging my agnosticism and cultivating my courage until they spilled all over heaven’s red carpet... thank God it was already red.

It was then that I gave God leeway long enough to re-establish and realign my whole being so as to let the Divine plan for my life come in full circle. After all the merry go round on the labyrinth, I am happy to be me… just as I am! I know that I thought that I had already gotten to that point; somehow though, I lost sight of that certainty.

Thank God that I had all the time that’s required for the purifying, refining, restoring, reviving process; and I, even if I thought I did not… God made sure I did because until then nothing much would have really mattered.

Thank God for my backsliding faith. As the saying goes, one step forward and countless step backwards to build the momentum to leap forward to the exact spot I need be.

I am glad that I kept a firm grip on my preserving optimism in God’s pledge to take care of me even when my sprouts seemed barren. When God seem distant is when I most believed in the intangible evidence… a very trying assignment- where God is concerned it is not just an assignment, it is a command and so far I have managed to advance to the next lesson…. obedience in the area of trusting God amidst my qualms and trembling. By the way, these qualms have begun to recede; and, if they were my hairline; I’d be naturally bald by now.

God must be really working at the core of my being- somewhere I have never allowed anyone to trespass- my very own private place and there is God poking, jabbing and probing... yauwch!

I almost did not even let God in- that was hardly possible and that obviously was not part of God’s deal once I gave permission to steer the wheel and God’s will into my well being.

I have no clue how arriving at this point of the destination was possible; then and again with God all things are possible especially when matters are not of human doing.

What more can I say!
How else could I know what I am made of…really made of!
God knows!
I took on God’s offer very, very seriously. When God said “come follow me and I will show you how much better my payoff is” I turned the other way because I did not like God’s terms and conditions and did not want to suffer at God’s hands anymore than I felt that I already had and the dread of ending up in hell did not console me one bit. Asking God to leave me alone each time God became too visible in my walks of life I dismissed God, still God would not stay away. I did not suffer at God’s hands but always I ask why God did not do something before I abandoned God for good. God just kept ignoring me- well then and again in hindsight- I had to confess that this is what I asked God to do even though I was hoping that God would stop me from not giving God the chance to show me God Essence!

Many decades have passed on and that war was getting more and more brutal. Why I held on to God I know not! All I can say is that was the lifeline that has me alive today.

I know that God clearly understand why I was doubtful of God being my best friend and lifelong partner and soul, sole provider... When God kept reminding me of the sparrows and even sent one to sing me a lullaby to gently put me back to sleep after an episode with the brain cell that wanted to remind me of all I have lost, I decided that was enough… so God kept me up enough nights to talk to me when I had no one to honestly talk to. I thought ghee God give me a break! I used to just read the bible even though I felt like locking it up in the bookshelf- and, I did! Eventually

Oh well all I can say is thank God for removing all the weed (false messages and beliefs) and replacing with wheat (God purpose) before more weeds grew in my mental garden.

Is it any wonder that while I did not intend to live singularly or singly all my life so far, I was not about to settle for less than God can deliver. I may be deemed to be picky, fresh and grandiose and I accept my own ability to ask Gof for exactly the qualities I am worthy of and to encorage my tiwn flame to embrace his full worth. Therefore, I continue to love myself while the someone God created to be vulnerable enough to be willing to be his authentic self and strong enough to respect my powerful self reveals himself . I already have all I have to offer- sincere, heartfelt passionate love, respect and self responsible that has been tried, test and proven true by my Maker and Making.

Is it any wonder that God is a jealous God and would not let anyone offer anything less than what God can offer and provide!

This is my offer, my only offer. Take it or leave it. Accpet or decline

Thank God for the lesson on authentic intimate relationship!

NAEFPBPWMBIANFWYY

I know that you’re sometimes disappointed with my pace, my timing, my style, and my plan on how I intend to prove my love, care and passion for you still have to believe that I am working in your life even when you do not feel that I do.

You know that I could whip up an instant cure for all your ouches but all would accomplish is short-term relief that only fools you into thinking that all is well and coax you into reverting to doing more of what contributes to slowing down your progress. There is no quick fix- short cut to replace the way I do the things I do and only I can do; be patient with yourself and please be patient with me because I am not finished with you yet.

I have all the time and time is also on your side because I AM is on your side so reeeeelaaaaaaaaaaaaaax; sloooooooow dowwwwwwwwwwwn- rest assured that I will wake you up when my time for you to spring into action. I have programmed everything you need to know, everyone who scheduled to be on your path and everyone whom you are scheduled to be on their path just when, where, why, how, I choose. Trust me on this and your frustration, anxiety and doubt will cease to prance around your sanity.

You have made so much more progress than your circumstances can ever confirm and conversely just being able to let me take full charge of all because your circumstances succeeded in bringing you and I closer than any abracadabra cure

Enjoy watching your spiritual vision grow; anticipate truth; and, trust that I will let you know everything you need to know just when you need it best!

Let’s continue to bond and I guarantee you that nothing will disturb our relationship that we cannot, together, overcome.

Thank you Angeal-Eyes… thank you!

Your Lifetime Guarantor,

OmniGod

For Ever Young

For the past few years, I have been able to keep up with a vow I made with myself- compose a poem to commemorate each anniversary that marks the day I arrived in flesh and blood on what is called, earth until earth is ready to have it's dust back.

This year seemed like an exception because I was still blank as to what to compose... a draft here and a script there. I wanted to write something and that is all that mattered, still it felt like what I wanted say was at the tip of my fingers and my heart was saying something, so I stopped arguing with the poem and let it write itself... talk about giving up the desire to control every outcome. Short, Sweet and to the point! That's how the heart works!

Life: trials, triumphs, trauma... the whole shebang- that Life!

God knows how to make each event, circumstance, joy, sorrows and in betweens matter, and so I continue to extract lessons from everyday experiences, knowing that when my passion needs more compassion, God’s always available to richly supply!

Though matter what, a life of purpose is living life- the whole shebang of it

Living fully... a daily requirement

My Dearest Nympha:

I know that you are looking for something so impossible to believe that even you feel that you will be shocked when I do.

Even when life looks scarier and emptier, please believe and know that i have not forsaken you nor do I ever intend to. I know that you know that and sometimes have trouble accepting that. Until you stop thinking of me as being uncaring of you or comparing me to wishy-washy relationships and description of me, all your mind will continue to do is fool you into wanting to annul all that we have built together over the last decade. Well frankly you have been hanging on to me for almost all of your life and you even got to the point where you could sit on my lap or put me to sit down on a chair next to you and look me straight in the eye and tell me what you think of me. Give yourself credit for taking those steps.

You are getting better and better yet this ideology of slaving away for brownie points to win my favour is so false and is really robbing you of all that you have developed from our relationship.

Just continue to let me care for you just as you ask me to.

I will remind you of all the wonderful letters you wrote to me and of course all the heartrending poems.

I know you question the point in all you have gone through and all the poems I inspired you to write. One day it will all add up... in fact the story is always unfolding so add all the pieces that you have collected so far. Continue to see things with fresh perspective. The meaning of life is forever open to a shift in how things transform. What made no sense decades or even seconds ago is in full light.

Rest my child rest.. the day for launching your life's purpose is at hand... and no, it is not any thing to make you wish you never pursued me or let me pursue you.

Relax, I am not that hard a disciplinarian. I need you to continue to want to be my best friend too, you know.

I will always be with you especially when things do not make any sense. Please do not count me out; as you know without me you are lost! This can seem intimidating but again remember that I am more than all that bothers you.

Continue to lean on me and I love it when you rest your head on my shoulders. I know you feel strange imaging me there even when you are so convince that I am not. I am your spirit so just know that I am there and taking great care of you....okay!

I am very patient with you, Miss Passionate. I really appreciate all your effort to want to be the person I created you to be. I know you sometimes feel like you can do nothing good or well enough to please me. You already are a girl after my own heart and that's good enough. In other words, live fully- I will show you how! I have always wanted to show you how.

Let go of your fears and frustration, ease your urge to give up on the daily practise of least resistance as you continue to depend on me and let me show you how much I love you... really love you... the kind of love that you yearn!

That's a girl... that's my girl!

Cheers!
Your pal, God

A Doubting Angel: When Nothing Makes Sense

When nothing makes sense...and my peace is disturbed I question God and sometimes I even diss God!

The sad thing is dissing God always feels like the best thing to do always when I need God the most.

Why God, Why?

I pray!

Dear God;

I need you to reassure me again and again and, again because I just feel like giving up on feeling like I matter to you or you really care about me. Then I think "What will I do?" “What will I do without you?" Can you please answer me, God!

I am disappointed, very disappointed in the way you show your love for me and for the many people who experience oppression and injustice from 'heavy burdens' that you don't seem to want to relieve us of.

Life feels scarier and scarier and emptier and emptier in the land of plenty.

Why?

I feel like stoned Stephen; please do not hold this against me, God. Do something God!

How am I suppose to trust you like a child trust that when it cries it will be comforted and fed and clothed and be protected from the elements.

Please turn things around like you did for Sarah, Hannah, Leah, Job, Joseph and David- Please God!

I am counting on you, not because I feel that I want to but because you are God and you are in charge!

Don't you have favour for those who are wanting to love you, trust you but now and then experience a challenge in doing so? Please God! I feel like I am pleading to you and all you do is ignore my plight! I can no longer live this way and sing 'it is okay or it is well withm y soul becasue it is not and if it is well with my sould then it is not well with my hopes when it seem like I am getting closer and closer to giving up on my dreams and settle for a life of envying sparrows. What good is in that!

How do you really show that you give a damn? How?

How do I think of you in any other way... a loving way right now?

How am I suppose to be a steadfast spirit, God.

Can I count on you or not? I am fed up of this yo-yoing relationship with you! If that is good enough for you, it is NOT good enough for me!

So please dear God, please give me something to took forward to other than wandering and wondering where the heck you are and what you are doing.

'I have fallen and I can't up'

I need you to pick me up!

Please Hurry!


A Doubting Angel

The qualities of a Good Nation

People have been domesticated so that it feels and appears okay to hide their consciousness in the closet and not be disturbed after the bedtime dose of Prozac or Lorapazem when God say no doze, because that is not enough to fool God!

God knows all too well that no one can live that way because that was one thing God did not program in the human heart.

Thinking creatively, and not leaning on my own understanding of things is more important than just following the rules that appear good on glossy paper and void of meaning and life.

So as usual I turn to God’s encyclopedia in depth and that requires discipline, sound reasoning and a daily dose of renewed commitment… something that a good nation should live by. I believe now the law was not designed to protect us but to often trick us and coerced us to turn away from what works, what really works.

Sure God designed that we work and according to God’s definition of work it is that God’s burden is light it may be enduring and sometime painstaking still it is not designed to be a burden that still cannot even provide the basics of food clothes and shelter…the bare minimum… the bare essentials. God does not like it and neither do I!

So back to my subject matter… what makes a Good Nation?

Accountability
Rendering to Caesar what is Caesar’s and God what is God… God did not say it was easy, God said it is possible
Social justice that works
Humble servants who follow Jesus’ ways … that does not come easy either
There is probably a whole more to it than that
I am still learning and intend to act according to my consciousness… that’s not easy either
Still that is the only way to put God first!

Making peace with the unknown

The more I dread the ‘not yet’ and ‘let go and let God’, the more I am disconcerted by the unknown… and the more I get upset that God alone knows everything and so God alone can run the show.

Being totally dependent on God should make me joyfully soar for God’s love yet lately all I want to do is give up on pleasing God even though that choice would cause me even more trouble than I have encountered in my lifetime so far. I have come a long way!

So what do I do, God… what do I do when I feel like I am in the storm and instead of gliding peacefully, I am being tossed by waves that want me let the storm win. I would if I knew for sure that you are really in that storm with me. But I do not know for sure and that is what petrifies me.

Do I keep going? Do I fall asleep on the waves? Do I scream, fuss and shout? Do I laugh and dance?

You really have a funny way of making me cling to you when I am tempted to have nothing to do with you. Why?

I suppose I am in the refiner’s fire learning how to say ouch and still trust that the refiner’s fire will not turn to the fires of hell and char me up.

Oh well, my idea of you is a bit gruesome right now and I cannot pretend it is any other way for now, so please bear with me while I get back my bearings on your road to happiness.

I do not know how to fully love you but I am willing to know or at least to try; but you do not seem to have an easy way of making that happen so I will have to make peace with the unknown and trust that this will help me eligible to dwell in one of your many mansions.

Unwrapping the present!

There is a wise saying that reminds me that within each challenge (the word uses is, problem; since I no longer want to describe events as problems I choose to reword the term) is an opportunity waiting to be discovered.

It is easy to spot the opportunity when it is covered in a sheer layer of wrappings. When this opportunity is disguised by several layer of thick covering that reminds me of Leah's veil, I wonder what on earth is the present… must be something very delicate and irreplaceable!

Lately, I have been asking God for so many gifts…gifts that money cannot buy…Opportunities that only God can reign down on me.

As usual God’s best way of answering my request is to send me a refining fire experience in which I often cannot see any opportunity right away!

I hate when God does that... and God knows that I never like it when I have to guess which prayer that is being transformed into action…into reality!

That goes to prove how many of my prayers are in God’s inbox.

All I know is that I have a big God to handle my earfuls… a God who gives me big enough faith to carry through whatever comes my way; more so, the disguised gifts!

So I continue to unwrap the present!

When losing means winning everything

When I felt like I was losing my sprit even though I still had breath, I got to the point where giving up everything to reconnect with my core self was inescapable.

Of course I dangled between the ravine separating ‘heaven’ and ‘hell’ that threatened to swallow me up if I dared enter the gap so I did the most obvious thing. I screamed for help from heaven and I cursed hell and vice versa sometimes all at once, in the same breath. I did that until courage overpowered foolish fear of losing everything I had toiled sweat, tears and blood to earn.

To begin with, I had made it to the point when there was nothing to lose. No more precious, prized belongings- you know, the things that lay and trained psychiatrists consider valuables even when they supposedly treasureables have well lost their treasureness in one’s life and instead are becoming or have already become in some instances, the prison chains and walls and vampires that one must get rid of or else… The thing is, none of what I was holding on to was of any resourcefulness; absolutely no gain, only pain. Honestly, who determines what is bling-bling and what is precious bling bling to another, eh who? Just like beauty, it is up to the eyes of the beholder.

There was no amassing more loss that is worth emptying my tank of joy let alone giving up bliss bank. No prized possession can brandish its dagger or sword to save me from spiritual bankruptcy. I was at that point when recovering my spirit from the shadows was serious business!

I had to give up the illusion of the imprisoned meaning of importance and liberate my mind, body and soul more so the awe of childlikeness which spirit thrives on can continue to multiply its Essence. I was ready to lose everything to gain everything.

And Jesus’ comparing the prettiest flower which is here today and gone tomorrow as more adorned than King Solomon’s riches costume is no joke. He had to have known what he was talking about.

It was not too long after I heed that admonition that I realize that not only the prison doors were wide open, the prison walls were torn down a long time ago. In its place is a staircase that reminds me of Jacob’s ladder except in my vision the ladder was a dazzling million skies of stars.

The rest is unfolding…

Modern day Lazarus

Lazarus had been dead for four days before Jesus came to resurrect his best buddy. That is just how I am feeling. The thing about knowing the whole event of the story is that I know that he will resurrect my spirit even though it feels like it has gone off to some far distance place.

Even though Jesus himself cannot make it before four days, Father Abraham will keep my spirit safe, wherever it is, and as Jesus brought Lazarus back to life so will my spirit come back to me.

Gods' Grace

Psalm 11: 3 says, there is nothing a good person can do when everything falls apart. The best that I can do when it seems like all has fallen apart is pray that God's Grace does not fall apart; otherwise, I am finished. God knows that I am only just beginning; so help me God to continue holding on to you, your grace, your promise to take care of ALL my 'ups and anys'.

I have allowed you to prove to me that I am good enough only when I see myself through your eyes. Abraham did not know where he was going when you told him time to pack up and leave; Job lost all he owned and delighted in even though his heart was trusting you; it took a burning bush to help you get Moses to recognize the power in the stick he held in his hand; Jonah thought that being a stowaway would stop you from commissioning him to save Nineveh; Nehemiah recognized you even when imposters tried to knock down his confidence in you; Judith, Debbie, Rahab and Esther trusted that God always has a haphakh. I could go on and on...

So I pray: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change

Courage to change the things that I can

Wisdom to know the difference

Clarity to understand what Wisdom is teaching me

Obedience to follow Wisdom's Instructions

Two of God’s great gifts

Wisdom and understanding

Things money can’t buy

Aham!

Modern Day Thomas

I seriously think that I have at least one cell that belongs to each of the biblical characters. Today, it’s Thomas’ that is at the realm of my mentality.

I often ponder on God’s purpose for creating the universe, adorn it with beauty beyond description and populated it with people. Granted all this makes me feel very confident in the knowledge of God, Still feel like, Thomas, that some proof will seal the deal; why I am here waiting for God to do something more in this present day to continue to reveal and do again life events as in the beginning. If I believe Genesis chapter one without a shadow of a doubt, God finished working and was very pleased. So God are you still pleased or as please eons later after creating creation? How are you coping with the world as it is? Ecclesiastes mentions a very valid point- that there is nothing new under the sun- so does that confirms Genesis? And if so, what are you planning to do that the psalmist proclaimed that blessings are new every morning

What exactly is your motive for creating human beings in your own image and likeness and many so underprivileged? Many people doubt your Omniness, your promise their dignity- well except those who no longer envy sparrows; sanctity for life, peace, justice, and reverence for you; God , do you ever feel disgraced are you planning to restore justice. I know that you can do anything you want to then it is not time to turn sorrows to joy

What happened to people who died before Jesus was born or before he died on the cross or hung on a tree?

How did people prepare for their heavenly mansion?

Is it since Jesus came that people lived shorter than Old Testament days or is from then that age was not a big deal worth mentioning!

I mean back in preJesus days, as early as in Genesis 11, life expectancy was very, very long and people died, as in the case of Job at a very great age. Not only that! Some of them had children when they were well into their 600th, 438th year. When did that stop being the norm?

Well even for my sake you will have to reintroduce this era. After all, I am asking for something that I know that you have done and have the power to do again!

A whole bunch of questions for God: Redemptive Rights!

I have been asking God for Wisdom to know the difference. This request has prompted a whole lot more questions and somehow I strongly sense this is God drawing me closer to my Essence. And I am ready... I am sitting on God's lap and I will stay there for as long as it takes and God already knows I have all the time in the world, so lets' do it!

How do I separate the weed from the wheat, eh God?

How do I know which door is concealing your banquet hall?

How am I suppose to live with or without you? Is that even up for grabs?

Are you hiding from yourself, or me, again?


Am I the one hiding from you? Kind of impossible if you ask me!

How much longer before this menace take leave from me? Even Jesus posed this question to you and were he alive, I would have asked his permission to use it.


Why did Jesus have to die to prove your love for mankind? This one is a huge question that engages my mind.

Why is there so many false notions of you?


What are you doing about setting the record straight?

Do you enjoy all the confusion that challenges your creation?


What was your intention when you decided to reveal your intelligence?

Are you happy with how people treat you?


Is faith the same as waiting in vain?


What is the difference between wishing and waiting (patience) for you to come through on your promises?

What is your definition of influence?

How do I recognize- scratch that… how do I know a Godly spirit, you know, the right motive?

How do I understand your purpose of fellow sojourners in my life?

How do I understand your purpose of my life in the life’s of fellow sojourners?

I need to know so I can improve my relationship with you, myself and fellow sojourners.


Were the people in the bible real people, you know, people like me, and all who continued on after biblical times?

What is the difference between knowing the truth and knowing the whole story?

Doesn’t it bother you that I am torn between the real God and the false god, you know, the one who loves me when I am pleasing but uncomfortable and loves me not when I am comfortable in my skin and you who loves me unconditionally?

I recalled what happened to Saul when he chose to listen to the people all the time instead of reverencing your intelligences. Is it any wonder when you ask Solomon for what he wanted, he requested wisdom and your understanding? So what is different between Solomon and me.. Is it my tone with you? I’d like to know!

Why do I envy your sparrows you keep bragging about?
Your stories come with such twist that only you can convince me of the whole truth. What’s the whole point of these biblical stories? What’s the lesson, if not to choose your way…willingly!

What is the difference between conceit and pride?

What is the difference between assertiveness and tolerance?

Why does mankind prefer to pull the wool over their eyes, wear pink-coloured glasses, look away from truth- as if they can!, some even run, others hide or can they.. I guess they can hide away from me but you are right in their face! What about the people who try to hide behind their busy, important lives instead of being conscious, conscientious citizens and stand up for what is right, honest, pure, of good report and of good virtue?

How do you define church?

What is the difference between going to church and being church? I'd rahter be church than go to church.

Where is church, anyway?

Isn't the whole world the church,the marketplace, and the mission grounds?

I know that you know, yes you already know that though matter how high we, humans aim, no one can be perfect, otherwise making mistakes would be a mortal sin and commandment 11 would have been: ‘Though shalt never ever make a mistake … or else!” Who knows, that would have been the second commandment. Yauwch! I would need a haphakh moment with every breath I take, every move I make, every single day because I know you are watching me. Who could live that way, eh God? Really? And who would care about heaven or hell? I wouldn’t!

Why is it that in a world of plenty there is financial poverty, homelessness, working poor; I ,me and heck with everyone else syndrome, social policy that ‘cripple’ the masses?

Do you really expect me to live my days hobbling around searching for meaning in life to prove your omnipotence, Omni God?

I know that you told Paul that your grace is sufficient… What’s your point?

Did Paul have more faith in you…I mean the living kind of faith... not this blind faith, blind trust business... I tried this and it only handed me a suicide note from the ‘lords of the earth’ and the ‘licensed’ drug lords. Conversely Thanks to that suicide note I decided to run to you for coverage… coverage that works!

I know that you created us only inferior to you, God and you must have good reason for doing that.

Do you mind sharing that with me?

Okay God, I am about to ask you the most stupidest question….

Do you ever feel pain?

Do you have ouches like mankind?

Is it all from you, because of you or for your sake?

Is there such a thing as spiritual pain and suffering or is pain only physical, and is it the best way you can discipline the world?

What is my pain suppose to help you accomplish in this plan of yours?

I feel like I am so close to getting you to really open up your kingdom of answers yet I wonder.. so as I usually tell you straight up… pardon my knocking heads with you because that is all I have left to try without giving in to disgrace and dishonour of your breath and turn my back on you and settle for a mediocre life…no I am not suicidal… I using my gift of the spirit of love, boldness and sound reasoning- full circle!

What is your version of truth on forgiveness and self responsibility?

What did Jesus mean by telling Peter to forgive 70*7 times?

And what did Jesus mean when he summoned the disciples to shake the dust from their sandals when their peace returns to them void?

How much did Jesus endure before he took a time out to be just with you?

If Jesus were both God and man does that mean Psalm 8 did not apply to him? What makes Jesus have authority to perform miracles?

You did not create us from a one size fit all mould so why do I feel like I have to be someone else to make it through the day… damn it this is not nice, God? Why can’t I be me…me…me?

Why did you make me one of a kind? Did you?
I tell you have a lot of questions to answer and that is just mine alone… I wonder how many more people have some burning questioning to charge on you?

Like I tell you already, I better live like heaven is here in case when I die there is no heaven- God would I be pissed!

But after talking with you one on one like this, if I die and find out there is no eternal life after death then I will rest in peace…rest assure about that one!

Instead of depending solely on my preconceived ideas or worse yet, the preconceived ideas of human intelligence I rather ask you straightforward and matter-of-factly. Yes I’d rather ask you God, so I can receive the right outcome, first hand. Does that mean I will not take risks?

Well I dare answer this one myself. I will take the risk. I think I am taking one of the greatest risks any human can… So, are you going to help me tap into areas where human is afraid to tread? Common God, no more charades, hide and seek or catch me if you can. I have questions and I want answers from you, and I want them now! As I told you already all I have left is my boldness with you and that is all I can expect so for our relationship to stay real.

So God can you please release some more tips and solid answers on God-ways of living a fulfilled life?

There's a whole lot more God, so for now, I will let you work on these.

Thank you in advance.

God-size lesson... when I am "weak", God is strong

Proving that my mind is stable almost cost me my milk and honey that's continuously served in the many mansions of the kingdom- God's kingdom; heaven, if you will.
The side effects of striving and wanting what the mediocre kingdom offers is like refuelling from "dry foliage". Consequently, all that's left is ashes.

Ashes is useful, don't get me wrong; the thing is if God wants ashes or when God wants ashes, God can get that from the natural combustion process called ecology.

All I can say is that I lived to enjoy life and death without giving up my Spirit.

That's is an Hallelujah moment worth shouting from the mountain tops.

Refreshed Dignity!

A tower built on the base of tunnel vision can never prevail. It comes tumbling down on all those who built it. The castle built on the base of love and sound reasoning towers on higher ground where nothing can toss it about and though the winds of change sways it about, it stands strong- with refreshed dignity!

This allegory is my best way of describing the difference between the spirit of false power and the spirit of resilience.

When the going get rough resilience calls in it friends: perseverance, patience, endurance, tranquility, equanimity and they all bring in their virtues to hold up the staircase built within me so that I safely make my ascent to be with my Essence.

This I take as God-assurance that God is in charge and knows best how to keep me safe and well protected.

That’s an ironclad guarantee!

Personal Preferences

I no longer struggle to accept my personality, physique- now that I know for sure that I am created in God’s image. I don’t care for the facial hair, the grey hairs- okay…okay; I don’t care for hair- end of story. There were even years when I felt too ugly to glance at the mirror. Glad this spook is over.

What I still wish away is the fact that I, now and then, have trouble accepting the fact that transformation is a must from birth to death. I would like to stay young, toned and never having to deal with scientific facts of bodily changes- not that I give a damn about chronology or functional hypothesis.

And what I am really struggling with is knowing for sure what my purpose is in life or, more blatantly what is God up to at such a time as I find myself wanting to never die. I am struggling to accept this leg of transformation. I intend to stay at the green stage of life- the spring phase, if you will. Thank God that my waif wants to remain alive and active, intact, youthful, resilient, zesty, everlastingly passionate.

Right now, I feel like a bird plucked alive! I can handle feeling like a pruned tree or even a dry grape. I cannot deal with life on an empty tank of enthusiasm. I feel like I am losing my ability to live in the here and now. As much as I know that this is the only way to keep my tank of joy full to the brim, soul is wandering.

You are really running the show there God. Oh well, there is a time for laughing and a time for laughing even more. Like Paul, I intend to focus all my energy on enjoying wwhat is as what is. Well let’s start as at accepting what is at what is.

I want everything that God has for me. Even just for this reason I vow to hold on to God and never let go! If nothing else gives my life purpose I know for sure that I am happy to be me. I am content with my originality. I tap into my talents. I can discard unnecessary stress. Wow, that’s reason to shake a leg, shout and sing hallelujah! Now that’s productivity!

Feeling right at home in tombstone territory

For many human beings, relaxing on burial ground seems a morbid act for the living. For many more, it is a place to reminisce what used to be...

For me, a cemetery is a peaceful resting place away from home where I feel at home.

Whenever I feel the need to be somewhere full of life, peace, serenity, tranquility, beauty and a dose of reality all in one place, where life brews and overflows with messages for the living - a place where there is no need for a do not disturb sign from its populace while taking an honest assesment of the meaning of life.

After each visit, I walk away invigorated about the treasure in every breath I take and appreciate every moment that I continue to traverse among the 'living'.

A fresh wave of gratitude keeps me surfing in the land of plenty!

Peek a boo you can come out now

Thank you God for helping me to recognize and use all the untapped abilities that were lying latent inside this life of mine. I am not just a mass of cells. I am a bundle of joy, love with Godabilites.

Thank God for helping me understand the difference between what matters and what really matters.

And I honour this gift.

The blessing of healthy, conscientious self-disclosure

When information sharing and prayer request become gossiping, good intention becomes questionable, at least for me, and vulnerability goes oh, no! The life supporting benefits of self-disclosure and information sharing which is necessary for cementing healthy relationship, be it personal, occupational or social. There are things of course that is only God’s territory, as God knows for sure how to handle a fair judgement and assessment that leaves human spirit and integrity intact.

I used to really believe that being accountable meant that trust is never broken and so I used to be unguarded and unafraid to genuinely inquire about how people are doing. The fear of inappropriate exposure and the needless shame of experiences gloss priceless life transforming mutual self-disclosure. This to me is the deadliest infection that plagues mankind, because each person experiences can help one another.

I have lamented about holding back helpful information or even my own fear of coming across as prying because I know all too well the discomfort of feeling burdened of judgement and of feeling challenged of knowing when to share relevant life stories and when to stay quiet instead of fabricating the truth. Because of my desire for healthy relationships I continuously pray the Serenity Prayer because I had been overloaded with distrust and become very guarded. I need to find and maintain balance in all areas of my life. I accept that people come into my life a reason and I am in people’s life for a reason and those meant to be in my life for a lifetime will stand the test of time. Sometime the reason I think or expect someone is in my life is totally not as I think or expect.

The fact is, we are all social creatures and need relationships- genuine relationship; and so I aspire to be fully present and accept that each person is being the best s/he can be at any given time.

So help me God!

Encouragement

Life is supporting me, even though for the simple fact that God created me as its helper. Living by default was its gift to me as a starter in preparing me to define my specifics in how cosmic details endorse my idea of unique

After all I want this sacred love to expand my faculties of prodigy. What better way to also develop my sacred love ability and be a sacred lover myself!

It is with this knowing that I accept responsibility for giving instructions to God so it can make me, me. Instructions with blossoming thanksgivingness continue to create heaven and earth

Marching in time with Life's Music

I almost lost heart when it seem like time is racing away with my heart’s desires. This happened too many times and so I decided that God was messing with me. My heart was so troubled that I thought God really had not decided what to do with the life ordained to me.

Nothing much mattered and I really did not care two hoots about God and sadly, though I have walked the walk with God and talked the talk with God and about God, I sometimes come this close to dismissing God and always God has been able to keep my spirit as resilient as a reed; if only to one day realize that God has plans, like he had for Jeremiah… plans to use me for good.

Where does that leave my heart’s longing? I don’t know; however as long as I have breath, I will take good care of my heart and let God deal with the aches. Sometimes I wonder God, how can you use someone with such heartache and, why? Okay, let me guess. Is that how you teach unconditional love? Some days I feel like I got your call, God, and then I proceed to take the necessary steps and I look to you for further direction and you are gone. You know how much that scares me and the good thing is it also reassures me that you want me to take some steps on my own... still I doubt you, I question and analyze until nothing makes sense like it used to make sense. Then I get really scared and I doubt myself as being fit enough to dance to your music and I feel that this does not bother you and then that bothers me... at least that is how I feel. How can I feel so convinced that you are using me to do your wonders and still feel so unsettled about why I am here on earth?

Can you explain this to me? I am asking one more time. Can you please reveal your goals that I am to fulfill? Did I miss you cue? How will I know and when will I know for sure that it is you knocking on my heart. You know the cause of my achy heart is because I dread that having your way means kissing my dreams goodbye. Yes, I know that though matter what, in the end you will be pleased with me; somehow I feel that I will go on living only that I will be living a dull life and I cannot give up my zest of for living. Will I still have a gusto to live the next eight decades with or without accomplishing the things I want to? Come what may, I intend to live as long as my biblical friends who lived the longest!

I know you will answer one day or later today or even with my next breath or heartbeat. So instead of taking my heartache to the grave, I continue to get the load of my chest and let you douse it and fill the empty places in my heart with God-style TLC and continue to look forward to the day when all things makes sense in heaven’s big picture.

Until then I continue to stay tune and march in tune with life's music!

Right on Schedule

Well Dear Nympha:

I can totally understand you disbelief.

I know you keep wavering every time you do not get my drift, touché when you feel like you are running adrift as if the captain of your sip has lost course or worse left you in the middle of a storm without teaching you how to operate the rudder.

Well if what I am about to share with you is of any consolation or even a little reassurance... then take heart. I, God, who have promise to undertake all that you entrust me with, I am right on schedule.

I know you often wonder which came first to rest and trust that all is well or to trust that all is well then rest.

I know that you sometimes feel that there is something that you need to do even after you have resolved that there is absolutely nothing more you can do... and that is where the frustration kicks in and instead of letting sleeping dogs lie and leave the tangles to me you try to untangle them.

I know you have been very irritated with my timing and scope of things. I also know that your faith in me is up for grabs but this is one thing I will not let you do and you know that all too well and this is your frustration number two!

All I can tell you is I made you and yes I made you with some human qualities that can cause havoc unless you turn them over to me and you have been keeping very well in hanging them over even tough sometimes, reluctantly.

Thank you for calling out for me.

Omni God

Logging on to the Cosmos

I am running out of ideas of what really is the best way to enjoy God without feeling like I am doing something sacrilege.

As God knows, I am not a big fan of religion, church or some of the beliefs that keep clashing with my best efforts to surrender my life to God and let God take care of me like the bible promises. Even that can be sometimes troublesome. Still I am determined to prove God's love for me at least during the times when doubts takes over my consciousness... which somehow I have trouble believing is doable because nothing oursmarts God.

Philosophy is an interesting phenomena but it keeps me spinning in circles and I often wonder if that is God trying to get my attention because I find life's meaning very intriguing and maybe I want to go where God has forbidden. Then how am I suppose to know God and trust God's timing and be content with hindsight when God says that if I simply ask, all I need will be there right on schedule! The way God works is really geared to keeping me interested in a relationship that cannot be found in the human realm and somehow I know the human realm has a lot to do with it.

Which takes me back to square one. Where is the best place to just be myself and really know that God is happy with me just the way I choose to be myself without being haunted by the stamp of lunatic. I know you know how this feels because even I have sometimes stamped you lunatic. Then and again you are God and that you created human beings a little lower than you. Why is that so?

Well, I know what Solomon have told me " that it is dangerous to be concerned with what people think of me; with God I am safe." So how is God supposed to reach out to me through people and I reach out to people and know that God has a hand in the relationships and moreover, that they are going to make sense to God?

I am on the verge of another bout of unbelief. I wonder if I should even bother trying to make sense of how God works. Then God, grant me a more potent boost of serenity, clarity and equanimity in a way that stops the questions and doubting about whether I am on God's path because hearing directly from God is too fleeting and daunting. I really want to hear from God loud and clear all the time! Is that even possible? I want to believe that you are really working in ways that I could never comprehend and maybe that is not good enough to show your love for me. Sorry God, that is just not good enough for me! Too much damaged trust and all I can do right now is wonder about you. Is that good enough! I need much more reassurance and grace to keep me steadfast on life’s journey!

The faith of a child…open and receptive to God!

I tell you God surely knows how to get me to understand the concept of child-like faith and trust. Since God knew all too well that I had no clue what that meant even as person in hot pursuit of God, I would have trouble doing so unconditionally. The good thing with God is that being willing to let God teach me was a great place to start. Still baffled at how badly damaged and very fragile trust is, God wants t make sure that I get it right especially when life’s frays frighten me.

Although I am well aware and maybe too aware, if there is such a state of being, of how God works with my ouches, I still dread ouchy moments or moments that appear to be too ouchy and that is primarily because my mind is always quick to contradict my heart; hoping to get a lead back in. I always want to convince myself that though matter what I will stay very strong from the outset when discomfort alerts me that God is unto something, yet sometimes I panic. Granted it is not as nerve wrecking as good old days of confusion of God’s love for me and who I really am- a child of God; still, I know that God is training me by restoring my faith to that of a child…open and receptive to God and say good bye to yo-yoing days of “God loves me... God loves me not!”

Because of this I am grateful for yesterday, cheerful about today and excited about an eternity of tomorrows, which eventually becomes cherished todays and grateful yesterdays!

To live the life that God designed me to fulfill in a fashion that enfolds God’s legacy of a life created in God’s image and likeness is choice worth making and for this I am grateful to be alive and like it or not, I have to unconditionally accept that God’s plan for my life is good: how, when, why, where and through whom God works to accomplish that is part of the big picture. I have to trust that God is very pleased with me and though matter how I feel or not able to fully understand nothing can snatch me from God or stop God from loving me unconditionally even when I do not know how to consistently do so myself.

One day God, I will have this let go, let God and faith in things unseen and senseless all shaken, filled to the brim and overflowing! I don't how long before I get there; I will get there somehow... by your grace!

Double Dose

The times when I would not budge before I know for sure-for sure had wear-off my innermost self. Mind was timid of mistrust. Soul too, lost faith and wanted some solid reassurance from the giver of trust.

The universe was willing to assist in the renovation of mindsoul trust in its Maker and the Maker already knows that this is quite possible. Encouraging me to trust that though, was a long haul of lessons.

Still, God had that much faith in me. Of course it already knew why!

I on the other hand still wanted to know for sure-for sure only now along with acknowledging uncertainty of all outcomes and I commit going forward to trust that each tune-up contributes to as-good-as-it-gets restoration

Many Rivers to cross.. thank God for the bridge called hindsight

Angeal-Eyes:

This is God here!

You know, there was time when you used to dig your heel in and look me straight in the eye and tell me when I give in to your request by explaining everything before you give me permission to be your friend or to prove that I am on your side and have been all your life, i used to just shake my head, smile and you know what I was thinking... this girl has no clue what is in store and I know that once I tell her now, I am going to lose her and that is the last thing I want to do!

That is why I never mind your bites and winces, you were already confident that If I am God then I can take whatever you dish out because in all mater you knew that I already knew your motive though matter how childish or rebelliously you presented them. A girl after my own heart... so why have you been so afraid of my wrath and why do you think I was never afraid of your approach with me. I know that you were testing me just as much as I was testing you... granted that most came back to you in hindsight.

Nothing much makes senses until you quieten your mind and still all the ideas that were imported into it- of course they helped you survived; however, your heart never really got much chance to show off what it's really made of and that had been bothering you, I know!

Too much explaining , justifying and defending and yes that can be painstaking and very tiring especially when you do not have the answer that would make your hunch redeemable. It's time to trust your heart a little more because you, my friend, you have a good heart. You still do not know when to stop allowing it to get crushed. Don't give up, my child, you are doing great!

I know it seems contrary to what your mind is telling you... this time trust me on that one... you are well!

Do not be afraid, I am with you all the way!

Your pal, God.

Message of the Season

Fall is here and the trees are already creating an array of beautiful reds, browns, oranges and yellows in such fashion that no design show can come close to imitating. All this is done without Mother Nature hollering for attention.

In another few weeks these very attractive palette of leaves will fade away and the tree exposed and shameless about it are going to be resting while their roots prepare for a rebirth and the flourishing of new blooms in spring in the secret underground.

What do I learn from this?
I, too, go through a period when rest is absolutely essential. I also prepare my mind, body, and spirit for a new flow of life, development and creativity.

Hello Wisdom, I need more answers, and some more blessings!

Just yesterday, I proclaimed so far so good and here I am today with a totally different acclamation!

You know what is most disconcerting about the events of life that people willing to live a full life must endure… it is not God’s wrath. It is the stone throwing that people ‘with no sin’ throw at people who know that they are bruised in the sight of God and still feel whole in God’s presence.

I do not know how Jesus overcame the urge to ignore the ridicules of his antagonist, but I sure am willing to meet with Jesus so he can tell me all about it, live; until then I read on the messages that he left behind and gather whatever I can and then practise as best as I can.

I know that God said that all things are possible but could there have been a line in the original bible that said that something about how to overcome the unfounded allegations that make me wish that Jesus was around in flesh and blood to defend me like he did in Jerusalem and Jericho and wherever else he traveled.

As much as I want to be like Jesus, the buck stops at the death and burial part because I really would not like to go through death hanging on a cross, God… do you get that! I am having a hard time understanding death from this perspective; even understanding life from this light of things is getting more and more baffling. If you, God, used Jesus to prove a point, then why is there so much oppression 21 centuries later?

Is it any wonder that I feel that if you could do this to Jesus, you probably will do the same to me and this is very cruel to think of you like that but God, if you were me, would you be scared; and if not, why wouldn’t you be. Is it any surprise that some people will not want to take an honest assessment of life. Some may be afraid to embarrass you; some may be afraid to embarrass their circle of influence; and, some may be afraid of what you might do if they are totally honest with you.

I feel a little bit of all of the above. I need to be at a point in our relationship where nothing punctures my self worth. Give me a big reason to proclaim that you are the God and you love me very, very much. A part of me is afraid to be so daring yet this is all I have left… my boldness with you, God!

Tapping into infinite intelligence… a daily ritual

Each day I wake up I have to do what my biblical fans did- ask God what’s on the agenda.

It took me long enough to want to imitate the way they carried out their daily business, be it shepherd, man servant, woman servant, widow, prophet, priest and high priest. The important thing is once I started entertaining the thought of enjoying this lifestyle there was no turning back to keeping God at a distance from me.

Gone are the days when I used to think that God was just there to meddle and ruin my dreams and life. The thing is I was building my castle on a mountain of miry clay and God was feverishly interfering so that I realize that the conditioned idea on a life of prosperity and bliss was puny compared to the God-size blessings that had been inviting me to cultivate my personal perspective on life, living, luxury. You see, God wanted me to first stop running my show according to the scope of the realm of human doing and trust that once I let go and let God human being can be the outcome of everything that I encounter. How do I believe that can fully manifest. I do not know how I know; I just know that when God says, I stop listening to all the ‘Simon says’ and I continue to tap into infinite intelligence for answers, clues, ideas, visions and hunches!

So far, so good!

Breath of Life: The Most Valuable Asset Bestowed To Me, By God.

Years of catching up from where I hopped off God’s wagon keeps me confident that right outcomes are unfolding that yields more interest than penny a day compound and even more proactive approach and willingness to heal.

Before I can even begin to amass the wealth that God has set aside for me, I have to catch my breath- the most valuable asset bestowed to me by God!

And so it is!

Sentience, Sanity and Sanctity

God’s in the way I think, feel, and live my life. Grace soothes my soul and enriches my every experience. With a smile on my face, with fresh enthusiasm and vim discovering and expressing more of my special qualities and skills each day confusion and self-doubt give way to new understanding.

Tissues of my DNA where patterns of suppression took up residence will no longer be a refuge for toxic and turbulent activity. My brain wave will emit vibes of peace, harmony, love and a life of laugher, joy, fun and vitality.

It’s party time

Awake my soul; sing and make help mind make joyful melody as I continue to forgive myself .

That is the greatest way I can reclaim personal power to be me. This also is how I can heal the ‘wounds’ of bondage. I accept responsibility for choices that I made out of ignorance and or fear. I stop beating myself with the belt and whip of self recrimination. I forgive myself for judging circumstances or what seem to be lost opportunities. I resign from adopting false notion of accountability

When I experience troubling emotions, I can choose to remember that it is important to not repress or deny them. Instead I continue to practise allowing myself to fully feel them- for then I enjoy the peace that passes all understanding and long periods of joy.

It’s party time: Awake, my soul; sing and make joyful melody!

My Mind and Body Marries to Spirit in silence with God

Well…well...well God you really have a way of making sure that I run out of things to say to you and words to write not because I am a clanging instruments with noisy notes, but because you want me to hear you loud and clear.

I have been banging on your door to ask for a dose of clarity about what to do about how to make the Our Father and Psalm 23 take on new meaning and oomph in my life.

It’s like you are saying to me that you are not going to increase your decibel one bit louder so I can hear you… right?

Well hush my mind so my heart can make more sense to me!
I know you can, so please do.

And I will stop hollering at you…maybe!

Clearing the Mental Traffic Jam

Ignoring my souls and heart’s groan to be one with God can overload and exhaust my temple. In order to restore the temple, I have to purge that which is not in alignment with God.

A crowded place- be it, mind, environment- and God just didn’t mix well at all. For it is in the silence and stillness that the Spirit can be heard.” I still all thoughts, concerns and build-up of clutter in my surroundings; I may also discover mental and emotional clutter that is ready to be cleared away.

Improvement of my clarity, serenity and harmony with God will take the place that has been vacated off all the dross of high volume of thoughts, feelings and beliefs life that bombarded and almost choked my soul.

Releasing my most painful wounds yields mighty currents of change; thus, sweeping through my body on all levels and clear the lower frequencies of discord.

Time After Time

In both familiar and unfamiliar places and situations I will revel in awe and mystery so God’s bigness can be revealed and magnified… Time After Time

Almighty Father
Fill my mind with your wisdom
Restore my wholeness
Release all worry
Chase away fears that cons joy
So I can hang out with you
Time after Time

Maintaining an attitude of gratitude

Gaining new insight into the inner world of my thoughts as well as the clatter of busyness of the business of living is something for which I want to acknowledge and maintain an attitude of gratitude. Drawing upon the wisdom of God, I have better management of my thoughts, and intentions and in so doing re-establish God-order in my life.

If for no other reason than this, I have all right to maintain an attitude of gratitude for all my yesterdays, today and tomorrows!

Thank you, God!

Hello, Happiness

Oh the sigh of relief that I can experience while gliding through yet another storm.
Practising to slow down when I am most tempted to fast forward time is more than enough reason to greet happiness.

I know that my body is enjoying the way I treat it; well as for God, there is a carnival in heaven that makes Psalm 150 come alive in full circle.

God knows I have all the time in the world to sing “hello happiness” and watch the tension between what self needs and what ego wants fade, as temporal, tangible treasure makes way for everlasting happiness.

Against All Odds- God shows me the way out of confusion

Childhood memories laden with innocent blooms
Weary minds salvaging through empty warranty
Moments straddle amid tension of joy and grief
Thoughts of hope provokes me to keep going
‘There is reason to keep enduring, you know’
This is what makes each day more meaningful

“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on rock.”- Matthew 7:24-25

Sitting on a cloud

Using my intelligence has had more rewards than frequent flyer points could merit. I can go anywhere at anytime for any period of time I want to all in the richness of my imagination.

Had I been solely dependent on when I have enough money or enough points to take a well-needed trip to the moon or to take a ride on the wings of cloud; I would be still waiting, maybe even waiting in vain.

With an imagination that is as rich as it gets, I enjoy going places, seeing new things or even old things in a new way, thinking more thoughts of possibility all during a few moments sitting on a cloud and watching the world from an upside down view; and I am not even dizzy!

Wow!

An Even Deeper Yearning for God

I don’t even know why I want to yearn for God except that I know that only God can save me. I suppose that is enough reason to want to enjoy an improved relationship with the one in charge of the Universe and all that is in it.

A part of me enjoys the fact that I yearn for God and a big part of me questions why I even find it rewarding to yearn for someone or something that seem so farfetched.

Holy tension!

That’s the best expression that I can use to describe the murmur and the drum rolls that pulsates in my heart.

Nurturing my soul, body, mind on a mini vacation with Nature

Oh Mother Earth and Father Time, what would I do without you in my life to take me to places where I can hear my tears drop while the wind readily approves.

I find solace in the most morbid or supposedly most morbid of places- among the dead!
I literally stage my own concert among the tombstones of those who are now the source of nutrients to the soil, which in turn feed the daffodils and evergreens.

Oh the circle of life… the links of the chain!

Even the dead- those who have literally returned to the dust from whence they came from- are very useful after they are deemed finished, gone, done, carput!

Mother Earth and Father Time I thank thee!

Makeover

Every now and then, my poems get a chance to enjoy a bit of recreating: a makeover that totally enhances the detail without changing meaning and/or emphasis.

Sometimes I write the poem and many times the poem wants to write itself. The latter was initially a bit challenging because I wanted the poem to express my self and not it self. Of course, it would sometimes let me; and, other times it will rework itself by, either directly rewiring my brain cells or by sending some medium on its behalf. I know so because I find that the newer versions align with the author of my heart- no arguments from my mind!

Thanks to my many supporters, encouragers and fellow poets/writers!

Divine Guidance

Many bridges to cross and many more to burn. knowing that much- that’s the easy part

Which ones do I burn and which ones do I walk, or run, or even frolic across? That’s where God comes in and since God likes to spring surprises and play peek-a-boo, I have not much clue what to do.

I even have run out of ideas of how to pray or talk to and with God in a way that does not make me shudder at the thought of how I approach God these days.

I am in combat with holy fear and foolish fear at the same time and I do not seem to have any endearing edge. I know with God it is not about winning or losing because that would make God a liar and while I have my doubts about God I do not dare call God a liar because then I would be yearning for a relationship that is unauthentic.

What is there to defend when I cannot even feel dignified to stand firm on God’s promises, eh God!

Please guide me along the path that you and only you know how to lead me on because these days I cannot tell the difference between your discipline and the punishment of the world and that is too scary for comfort.

I need some more reason to count on you buddy!

Can you do that!
Thanks!

Hey Nympha… this is God here! Your heart is ready!

Your heart is ready!

Nympha Angeal-Eyes Francis, thank you for giving me the chance to be more present and real in your life; and, for your willingness to restore your heart! I remember the day you brought me your heart as an offering! I took one look at you and went oh-yo-yoy! Only someone who had run out of gift ideas would dare bring such a mangled heart to me.

You know what! Your sincerity was written all over it... so I accepted it, my dear. I was very happy that you brought it to me! I knew what you were thinking as you kept creeping back to me. What could God do with such a ramshackle, maligned piece of me? The nerve of me to figure that if no one else wanted it I could at least give it back to God. Little did you know that is just what God wanted!

A humble heart! Completely surrender yourself to God’s direction and purpose for your life and watch the ordinary activities turn into magnificent accomplishments.
I have completed the work I began in your heart. I have filled it with wonderful thoughts and desires. Be willing to follow the voice of God within your heart and witness all limiting thoughts and ideas vanish.

Jolly Well!

When I first began writing structured poems, I thought oh evay!

My best medicine so far, besides praying is writing... which in looking at the pieces I compose, they too are prayers. For decades, writing poetry has been my channel between my heart and God's ears, except initially they followed no grammatical or poetic structure and sometimes, no theological content. Thank God for my indispensable interpreter, Wisdom, for polishing them so they gain access to God!

Haiku has become a poetic style that I credit for teaching me to keep things simple- short, sweet and to the point, without removing the cream of the crop.

My collection of structured poem and haiku are increasing and so is effective communication!

Thank you Dear God for the gift of genuine expression of thoughts and deeds!

Jolly Well!

Staying connected- my tithe offering

When it comes to the things that matter, staying connected to my core is nothing to settle for less than embracing my intimate self.

Though matter what happens I am always going to be in touch with my spirit for when heaven and earth passeth away this is all that I will have left. In fact this is what God is checking when I give an account of how I spend my life and its priceless investments.

In order to stay in touch and connected with God I have to promise myself and not only promise myself but also to fulfil that commitment to give God the first hour, at least the first hour- my first ten percent of everyday.

Acceptance… Total Acceptance

I am practising to respond to people and circumstances with greater understanding and wisdom for this is God’s current purpose in having me in the Refiners’ Fire while in Heaven’s Intensive Care.

Circumstances and people are tactfully reminding me that acceptance, total acceptance of what is the best way to live fully. In so doing I am even readier to enjoy new, emerging opportunities, and all the expected and unexpected resources to assist me fulfil my divine purpose.

Nature's Lecture Hall

Sitting on my balcony soaking in the sun while meditating on God’s brilliance was the best way I encountered Nature’s Lessons this morning, live and direct.

I watch the sun stand its ground while the cloud glided away like a giant cotton ball. The sun made no fuss; the wind gentle whiffed its morning breath to remind me to stay alert and watch what happens!

In a jiffy, the sun gilded and its rays married the wind and together they massaged their glory into every cell of my body and I was immersed with the best feeling of love from the Universe- unconditionally!

I knew that class was adjourned and the lesson well digested when the sun winked at me and the gentle breeze soothed my nerves.

Well done!

Purpose-purifying process

For the last few months God had been getting earfuls of questions and whinges from me about what’s taking so long and why so many detours, delays and for crying out loud, the disasters that are supposed to be roadways in the wilderness!

I wanted to know what God had in store for that was the only clutch on hope I had left. God began to ease the plight and let me in by giving me a glimpse the size I asked for; a request I made back in July when the darkest cloud I ever encountered threatened to stump me off God’s track.

I hollered: God, what do you want from me?

I suppose even God was scared that this time I would not ever want to have anything to do with everlasting bliss as I vowed to give up on the quest of finding this God and somehow live long enough to enjoy aliveness. Although I was by then convinced that the only way to enjoy my life is to find OmniGod, I was running out of the oomph it takes to comprehend God.

Conversely, God knew that I was serious about wanting to know exactly what my Divine Purpose is.

God responded… sounding more like a replay: In order to understand what this purpose is, you have to trust that there is no delay or trick in God’s plan and purpose.

So much for my meticulously planned goals… I had to scrap them. They were not mine! I shrugged and decided that if this is the only way then this is the only way and I have to just do it! So I scrapped them and created my own. Even mine needs tweaking here and there now and then.

That was not easy… it is possible!

Drumbeats and Heartbeats... Synchronizing with my Essence

I do not know what this music is about God let alone how to create a choreography that goes well with it.

All I can do is dance to the rhythm in a manner that reflects what I make of the beat and let you do the rest.

Who knows. as well as you. what each note represents in the music of life and whose lead must I follow with such poise, if not my Essence?

My heart can never go wrong when it hears the sweet tempo of music and laughter so let my sense of humour and love for music bring on a dose of healing magic!

God's Take On Development

Lately when God pull heaven’s rocking chair closer to mine I tremble!

All I have been praying for seem farther and farther along the road to happiness and holiness and this seem so paradoxical because I believe that each time takes me this close; I end up in the wilderness; sometimes further ahead on the road less travelled.

I ask God exactly what doe that mean and as usual God has an answer for every question I pose.

The answer to this one is, “hold on tonight girl, you are developing.”

Frankly I do not like to argue with God as much as I like to question Gods’ reason because ninety-five percent of the time they make no sense in my schema

I suppose God’s ideas are very organic and I have to stretch my brain cells or is it my heart muscle to begin to begin to comprehend The Message.

So long as those growing pains are significant to wholesome development then development it is God, even though I am this close to praying that you take your cup of suffering; and ‘you know what to do with it!’

Dreaming with my eyes wide open

Thoughts of wholeness blossom and create harmonious vibration. I visualize my life at my most innermost connection with God. I cast the weight of the world unto the OmniGod; laugh at things that once bothered and even frightened me. These days I use them to create new themes to stir up my dreams.

Relearning how to dream with my eyes wide open has strengthened and improved my relationships especially with God and myself.

It sure makes a vast difference when looking at occurrences with eyes wide open!

Scarecrow, Goliath, The Burning Bush... How do I know?

God has been reminding me that whatever I go through is something that I can handle! Whatever it is can be only one of these three things: a scarecrow, a giant or something that leaves me baffled and relieved at the same time. It is getting easier to differentiate them, especially the scarecrow and the giants. What I still feel challenged with is, knowing what the inconsumable burning bush wants of me. How can I figure that out God? I know that the tell tales signs of the scarecrow because they generate a false sense of fear and you have given me the spirit of sound reasoning to deal with it.

The giants? Well, you have given me the talent to act proactively. That leaves me with the burning bush, which I feel I can only understand when I let curiosity and ‘trial and error’ surge my urges to check it out! And then comes ‘the what ifs!’ Which is for me, and which is for God to accomplish!

Oh evay, God!

How do I fully know when I have to get out of your way and enjoy the miracles of life, without money, without strife? Eh God?

I have come this far. There is no turning back now. So going forward God, when you call I choose to say, like Moses, and in my own originalness, “ Here I AM, I AM!

Open and receptive to Wisdom and my inner guidance, I trust that I will be channelled on how to proceed- real-time.

Sustainable Living... in the wilderness

As I review the many years that God condensed down to four days, I am amazed... even more amazed at Omni God

There is never any uncertainty in God’s power so long as I continue to erase the negative thoughts on the blackboard of my mind.

Transcending societal identity of lack, limitation and scorn of better than- otherisms, I arrive to the place in my heart that reminds me that God gives everything freely… in God’s time.

This reassurance has been very uplifting, serene and, amidst the tempest that rages all around me these days, I still feel secure in spirit, mind and body.

The light I saw ahead of me looked like I was approaching the tunnel; however, it turned out that it was a candle doing it best to keep me looking on the bright side.

The overflow of lessons from the deep recess of my heart proves that when the darkness
threatens to disorient my bearings, even the faintest echo is still dominant and so I continue to follow my heart.

Sleeping Besides Still Waters

There was a time when I was the champion of constantly keeping busy. It is funny that now I cannot imagine how I was able to keep so busy. These days what once felt like the strangest phenomena to me is welcomed to take over- restful sleep. There is nothing that needs me to pull all-nighters, getting up early and going to bed late, when God longs to rock me to sleep and then watch over me while singing love songs.

Being still is the gateway to feeding my imagination and letting God recreate my life back to its original magnificence.

What was I waiting for to RSVP to God? I know not, I am just glad that it was not too late!So here I am sleeping besides still waters!

Grazing in the Shepherd's Pasture

God prepares a table for me and he sends all his sparrows to invite me to sit and dine.

At first I was a bit out of sorts about God’s extra tender love for the sparrows; I almost wish and prayed for God to transform me to one of those sparrows if that is what it took to get my fair share of his milk and honey. I suppose that is why God chose the sparrows to serenade me; it was to encourage me and not to taunt me. Once I figured that part out, understanding clapped in unison with Wisdom and I began to enjoy a new felt sense of what David meant when he wrote Psalm 23.

Personalizing the messages of scripture is one way that God adds new meaning to my daily business of living and I intend to keep up with my interviews and dialogues with God; subsequently, I will know my highest purpose as God intends.

Synergistic Support

The detailed process of remaining steadfastly committed to self discipling of patience and perseverance as tools to boost my determination to bounce back and move along.

Plasticity of passion to celebrate aliveness is immensely satisfying whether I am smiling, laughing or, crying throughout the journey of creating trails or following mind-boggling paths, staying the course is what makes experiencing the live version of alive a euphoric expedition with its varying degrees and expansion of far-in height nearer than father dimensions of success, happiness and resilience.

All forms of being add substance to the adventures and universe helps determine the right measure, intensity, and duration of intervention to assist me to cocreate inventions and create originalness of my blueprint with the nowness and howness of manifesting actuality.

When the student is ready...

… … God makes sense! A whole lot sense!

There have been times when watching someone walk away from me was like plunging a dagger in my chest. Even God-confidence was not enough to console me….

I would beat myself up for feeling convinced that something was definitely wrong with me. That in and of itself made acceptance of what is an acceptable lesson. Having some conditioned cell programmes to believe that I may never live long enough to fix that something was more than enough to make me create my biggest dream. If only for my sake I decided heck with all adopted acclamation as I calmly and quietly build my own heaven right here on earth. I was already beginning to feel like a failure in love and being loved by God. The word ‘loser’ and lost and sometime the combo lostloser precariously perched on the rim of my mind each time I looked in the mirror!

Was I feeling loved, will I ever know love besides God's, that is?

Did God forget to create me with selflove ability to go with the compassion that was becoming limp. God giggled, and when God giggles I know that my ideas of myself were not funny or true for that matter. They were downright unacceptable, and untrue; at least in God's eyes and sometime even in the most subtly scripting of my soul I know I was more than what was cunning me.

Well Hello… anybody home…anybody home to love the one who is herself cackled the God who already knew why it made me the way it made me!

Well the game was on me! Yauwch!

I had some work to do on myself in that department and I had to get it all- precisely! Though matter who comes, stays for a while or take the next flight out, I would always have to love and enjoy being with me even when hell freezes over and there seem no one who can love me and be loved by me, unconditionally. Running away from my whole self, or encouraging or assisting my soul to depart from my self was not an option.

There are various lessons to learn and most of it has to be taken in the “dark room”, alone! Thank God for laughter. Both God and myself laugh so hard it lit up the dark room enough to indicate my newfound level of self

No matter what I did or did not do, I had to learn to really love, forgive and, accept myself. That's when I secure building the firm foundation. Who I am as a child of God’s creation is a gift from geniusgenerous God and I am therefore choosing to not feel threatened by human footsteps growing fainter as they disappear in the distance.

This called for God-sized distinction in loving one’s self and I passed!

That was the best bull’s-eye I ever hit! Hallelujah!