The last few months seem to have every visible sign that I was spinning my wheels into the ditch of despair. I tried hard to identify God's doing in all that peckmel and I had no other explanation other than that this time I needed to take matters into my own hands... because I needed answers and direction and I needed them now! Reluctantly, I dismissed this idea as I reminded myself of all those times that I had snatched back my plans from Him, either because he was just too slow or I could not understand or even begin to believe He could be doing this to prove His love for me. The next best thing I could think of doing was to pray all kinds of stupid prayers, I got to the point when I felt I was at my wits end and this is the time I really bellowed in case God had somehow fallen asleep while drafting His next move. He got and earful of bargaining pleas and lamentation and I am glad that He knows my heart's true cry in spite of all the scorning He received because His fingerprints began to become very clear. I am just glad that I had not snatched back my life from Him. I have come to the conclusion that the more challenging things get, the mightier His power in the outcome. How else could He defy human explanation, laws and prospects?
The funny thing is that this is not the first time that He has defeated my mental illusions yet each time I get so impatient with his timing... that I know is because I am still very human and forget too easily his promise to direct my paths when I commit my way to Him. One thing's for sure- I will never stop fearing (reverencing) Him as I stand in awe of what only He can do.
September 25, 2006
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